Picking the VPs: The Name Game

You've got to wonder if something as simple as a person's name can be an immediate disqualifier from political office, regardless of personal accomplishments and aptitude. You'd think it could, but who could have predicted "Barack Hussein Obama?" Or even "Newt Gingrich?" That last one is waddling up to the trough again, unbelievably, as a potential Donald Trump ticket-mate. Which would be particularly funny: Family Values Party ticket with six wives between them?

But I mean something more obvious like double-entendres, unwanted associations, things like that. For instance, you take a bonafide political star, a practically super-powered megawatt hit like Cory Booker? Everyone loves him, he's demographically perfect, but,

CLINTON - BOOKER?

How quickly would a mind as juvenile as Trump's seize on the "Book her, Danno!" sound of that?

CLINTON? BOOK HER!

Another potential pitfall would be name association, say if Mrs. Clinton picked another up-and-comer like Julian Castro?

CLINTON - CASTRO!

Tell me there wouldn't be posters with an unflattering picture of HRC alongside Fidel Castro.

She's going to have trouble with bad conservative humor no matter who she picks though, no getting around that, so maybe for Hillary, it's a secondary concern. I mean, you could conjure the bad memes and jokes just by thinking about them for a minute. Al Franken? Frankenstein's monster and his Bride. Elizabeth Warren? An American Indian theme of some sort (they've got little else there), or something sexist/homophobic about two women.

But, Trump has another problem: "Trump" is a verb. And a noun. His name could inadvertently comprise a full sentence just on his pick alone. A good one (were the man himself a potential pick) Andrew Card would yield

TRUMP - CARD.

Not bad! But it could get bad. It could get weird and confusing, say if he picked Utah Rep. Mia Love:

TRUMP - LOVE!

With an effective campaign and some sweet graphics, you might pull it off, but we're talking about Trump here. You're treading into the three-wives, alleged rape, "my daughter is hot" territory that late night comics could have a FIELD day with.

TRUMP - CORKER?

Hilarious, jokes write themselves.

TRUMP - PENCE

Runs together awfully easily: Trumpence. Sounds a bit lit Tuppence.  Do they consider things like that?

There is Joni Ernst, whose last name sounds like an accidental body noise (and who, let's face it, is Palinesque). And those whose names are also parts of speech, and could just form a confusing sentence. Say he picked Keebler Elf Jeff Sessions:

TRUMP - SESSIONS! Whaaa???

Or Steve King of Iowa?

TRUMP - KING!

You've got to be Trumpking kidding me.