Oh, GOP. What has become of you? Your front-runner can't get up to speed. Your also-ran is thoroughly unlikeable (as is the front runner). You've got a crazy old man with a rabid (but small) following. And you've got a church fart who couldn't win the general election if Barack Obama came out as a gay, vegan atheist. Really, GOP? Rick (don't Google me) Santorum? Thrice??? And for the comedy kicker, none of the contests is even binding! Seriously, WTF?
[Excerpt]
Breaking News: Santorum Wins All Three Caucuses
The dark horse, Rick Santorum, has won all three of tonight’s contests, in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado. In Missouri, Santorum handily won with 57.4% of the vote. Mitt Romney had 26.4% and Ron Paul, 12.7%. In Minnesota, Santorum had 45.1%, Romney 17.0% and Newt Gingrich, 10.7%. . .
I'm going to say this without equivocation. "Personhood" bills are stupid. I understand that abortion is a contentious issue. I don't quite understand why it fires people up quite so intensely, but I'm pretty sure that the so-called "pro-life" side of the issue is somewhat delusional.
And that's not to pick on them, at least not exclusively. Right-wing world is a fairly delusional place in many areas, some of which have nothing to do with abortion. For example, the right has invented a version of President Obama that bears no resemblance to the real guy. I think they're going to be surprised when Mitt Romney has to run against the genuine article. I digress, back to abortion. The right seems to think that liberals just lo-o-o-ve abortion. They think we get all giddy, and dance a happy dance every time Planned Parenthood's cash register dings. Yeah, not so much. [Story continues below]
Nobody loves abortion. Everyone wants it to happen less. Nobody loves partial-birth abortion, and there isn't any sane person I've heard who'd want it available except in very extreme circumstances. This really isn't my issue, so I'm not sure where the line between fetus and baby is. Fortunately, it isn't up to me, and I'll never be in a situation where I have to ponder it very hard. But I know an acorn isn't an oak tree, and I know that a "baby" doesn't exist in the first several days. But in their zeal to end all abortion, and define the joining of egg and sperm as a full-fledged baby, the pro-lifers have gone off the deep end.
With these "Personhood" bills, the right is going several steps too far. And people aren't going for it. They've been a dismal failure, even in red states. But they keep trying. More people need to know that these laws effectively outlaws many types of birth control isn't by accident. It's by design. The anti-abortion crowd has a huge contingent that wants to end contraception by law. No joke.
So, how do you battle this kind of insanity, and manage to inject some humor? Monty Python, naturally.
[Excerpt]
Dem state senator adds ‘Every sperm is sacred’ clause to ‘personhood’ bill
A pro-choice Democratic legislator has taken a novel approach to fighting an Oklahoma “personhood” bill. According to the blog Jezebel,
State Senator Constance Johnson of Oklahoma City has introduced a
measure that calls to mind the famous Monty Python “Every Sperm is
Sacred” sketch from the 1983 film “The Meaning of Life. . .”
Um, cheese. Turnips? Ginsu knives! No? Okay, I don't get it. From Page A Day Calendars.
Every year for at least the last four, I've gotten the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said desk calendar for my desk at work. It's very entertaining, and I never skip ahead, except the weekends. But I was also a fan of the Mensa puzzle calendar from the same company. It's just that I was already at work, and sometimes that thing is just work. But with the purchase of the desk calendar, you get a free online one. So, I have been receiving the Mensa puzzles in my email every day, at the end of the day.
Now, sometimes, I'll admit that I get stumped. But I usually at least know what they're talking about. The one that arrived in my Monday mail didn't just stump me. I had no idea what they meant, at all. Metrical foot scheme? I don't know what that is. I know the answer to number 1, 2, 4, 5 and 6 right off the top of my head (even with the typo in 5), but I don't know what a metrical foot scheme is.
So, I decided to cheat. I went to the Googles, and typed it in. It turned up the Wikipedia page on metre, which if you don't know (I barely did) is part of the subject of poetry. That didn't help. There, it says stuff about syllable weight and dactylic hexametre of Classical Latin and Classical Greek. Not helpful. It says dactyl was long-short-short. . .which is kind of like LONG-short-short. Still not helpful. It says a long syllable was literally one that took longer to pronounce than a short syllable. What?
Okay, break it down. Mar-i-el Hem-ing-way. Three and three. All take an identical amount of time to pronounce to me. Ro-sie the Riv-et-er. Same thing. Am I on to something? Okay, the an sewer to 1 is El-len De-Gen-er-es. That's two and four, if you get right down to it. But they're all six syllables. All the rest of them are too. I still don't get it.
And then I did. Kinda. EL-len de-GEN-er-es. MAR-i-el HEM-ing-way. CAR-o-line KEN-ne-dy. I-van-the TER-ri-ble. PAM-e-la AN-der-son. SUG-ar ray ROB-in-son. RO-meo MON-ta-gue. JU-li-et CAP-u-let. You'd be sound goony if you really said them with that kind of emphasis. But okay, it's six syllable names with the emphasis on the first and fourth syllables. So, I eventually figured it out, but I still feel like an idiot. But I'm not convinced that all of the Mensa tests are a test of intelligence. Some--like this one--are a test of education. Metrical foot scheme?
There was good news today, if you are a proponent--as I am--of marriage equality. In California, the 9th Circuit Court has upheld the unconstitutionality of Proposition 8, the referrendum that repealed same-sex marriage. In 31 states at last count, laws and state constitutional amendments have been put to a vote and passed. It is unfortunate that we don't have a loud and clear enough voice saying, "We don't put rights to a vote in this country!" Or, maybe even simpler, "Hey, how would you like it if we voted on your marriage?"
Anyway, I'm already legally married in California (having done it when it was legal), so this ruling doesn't affect me personally. And people who missed that window can't run out and do it yet. The pro-Prop 8 ass clowns (sorry, that's as nice as I'll be about them) will attempt to appeal this, probably to the Supreme Court. But SCOTUS doesn't have to take the case, and if they do, there's still a good chance Prop 8 will still be thrown out. I'm optimistic.
[Excerpt]
Prop. 8: Gay-marriage ban unconstitutional, court rules
A federal appeals court Tuesday struck down California's ban on same-sex marriage, clearing the way for the U.S. Supreme Court to rule on gay marriage as early as next year. The 2-1 decision by a panel of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals found that Proposition 8, the 2008 ballot measure that limited marriage to one man and one woman, violated the U.S. Constitution. The architects of Prop. 8 have vowed to appeal. . .
Does anybody in the world think this guy's hard-right positions are his own? Image from Huffington Post
I know that during the primary, a candidate has to appeal to his base; and during the general election, he has to tack to the center. But the base of the GOP right now is so. . .base. . .that coming back to center is going to be a herculean task. Take the recent Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure/Planned Parenthood fiasco of recent days. Komen cuts funding for politcal (anti-abortion) reasons, and America went nuts. It made the SOPA/PIPA fracas of a couple of weeks ago look like nothing. That's two internet uprisings in just a few weeks if you're counting at home.
So, Komen relented (sort of), after the massive public protest, and a severe tarnishing of their brand. You'd think that a Presidential candidate would either steer clear, or side with the winning side of that one. Not Mitt Romney. On the GOP side of the equation this go-around, the standard operating procedure is to double down on extreme positions. Since their base is so very extreme, there isn't anything else they can do. If they want to pander to them, that is.
[Excerpt]
Mitt Romney: Susan G. Komen Was Right to Cut Planned Parenthood
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney thrust himself into the the Susan G. Komen controversy on Monday when he said in a radio interview that he agreed with Komen's decision to cut Planned Parenthood funding. . .
Too bad you're crazy, too bad you're loony as hell... Image from NewsCorpse.
Ooh, that sounds dire, doesn't it? And you're all like, "Glenn Beck? Sure he's crazy, but didn't he retire?" Sort of, he kinda went underground. And he's an interesting kind of nut, really. He sees conspiracies and coded messages everywhere. But usually, Beck doesn't code his messages. His bowl of nuts is right out in the open. Still, he can sometimes work in some subtlety. I'm just not sure if he's doing it on purpose, or if his id is seeping out.
This is from a fantastic site called NewsCorpse. It's mostly focused on FOX "News," and its spinoffs and offshoots, and the site owner's observations are needle sharp. Not to mention the fact that his graphics make mine look like your five-year-old nephew's doodles. Anyway, read on. . .
. . .So let me get this straight. Beck thinks that Woodrow Wilson is an evil S.O.B. whose death is cause for celebration. And Barack Obama is doing the same things for which Beck hates Wilson. The clear message that Beck is sending to his rabid disciples is that Obama’s death would also be a cause for celebration. That’s the level of hostility that Beck projects almost every day. Let’s just hope that none of his followers are motivated by this disgusting rhetoric to attempt to impress Beck by carrying out his fantasy. . .
I am half of one of the 18,000 same-sex couples who were married in California during the brief time that it was legal. When Proposition 8 sadly passed (on the same night President Obama was elected), my marriage was in limbo. The resolution put a stop to legal "gay marriage," but it did not undo ours. This created an odd situation, where you have legally married same-sex couples, and other couples who cannot get married. Add to this the questionable wisdom of voting on civil rights, and particularly to remove rights by vote, and you had a nasty mess.
When Proposition 8 was challenged in court, the anti-gay, pro-Prop 8 crowd had their chance to argue their case. Despite all of the money that the Mormon Church (and some Catholics and evangelicals) had to come up with A+ material, they fell flat on their faces. Their material was all but laughed out of court. If you haven't read the transcripts, do yourself a favor. The standard arguments, "it isn't natural," "marriage is to make babies," and others were demolished. So, Prop 8 supporters had egg on their faces when their efforts were struck down.
That was two years ago. Appeals and legal wrangling have frustrated gay rights supporters for all of that time. But our waiting is over. At least for this latest stage. But what does it all mean? For that, you don't need me, you need an expert. So. . .
[Excerpt]
The Ninth Circuit's Prop 8 Ruling: What To Expect Tomorrow?
The Ninth Circuit will issue a much-anticipated opinion in the Prop 8 case, Perry v. Brown, tomorrow. Avid readers of Towleroad will remember that we have followed this case closely every step of the way (including here, here, here, here, here, and here). For a quick refresher, MetroWeekly's Chris Geidner has a helpful summary of where we've been to date. Today, I would like to preview the decision, answer some questions, and prepare us for the momentous events of tomorrow.
As I sat down for this week's edition of Blast from the Past, I thought about tying it to the Super Bowl (the game with the number that heralds my age every year. . .I'll be XLVI!!!). But everyone is doing that this weekend. So, during my walk, I was listening to Pandora, and Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun came on. It's an 80s favorite, but have you ever listened not so much to the song, but to Cyndi's voice? There is real power there! And I got to thinking about songs and artists that the youngsters on American Idol ought to be covering, if they want to blow the judges away.
Now, I haven't watched every episode of the show, frankly having lost interest the year Paula Abdul left. So, some of these songs, and surely some of the artists have been done. Not the point. Put the nostalgia and the personalities. Listen to the voices here.
1. I'm Gonna be Strong, Cyndi Lauper -Girls may be her signature song, but take a listen to this one, the song that got her a recording contract. Close your eyes, and imagine if this voice hit that stage with no buildup.
2. Pavement Cracks, Annie Lennox - As half of Eurythmics, Annie is often remembered in the same category as Cyndi, with unusual hair, makeup and clothing. But she has a clear, unmistakable, beautiful voice.
3. Hard Candy Christmas, Dolly Parton - When Idol contestants try to do runs and trills, it usually seems like showing off, and seems forced. When Dolly does it, it sounds effortless and natural. I'm not a fan of her country music--for the most part--but there is no denying her talent.
4. Promises in the Dark, Pat Benatar - Pat is mostly remembered for her makeup, her leg warmers and other hideous 80s fashions. But she has an astonishing voice with a wide range, exhibited in a variety of genres. This one was chosen for its hard edge, but softness too.
5. Kissing a Fool, George Michael - George Michael has unfortunately been more well known in recent years as a tabloid fixture. But his voice combined with his good looks made for an amazing combination for a while in the 80s and 90s. He seemed to have a complex about the looks part, but the strength of his voice was never in doubt. Listen to this song--particularly the bridge--and imagine Idol judges heads exploding.
6. A Little More Love, Olivia Newton-John - ONJ has always been one of my favorites. Her beauty
was staggering back in the day, but her voice was so pretty and clear. Listen to this one, how in each chorus, she changes the note pattern, and yet is always in perfect pitch.
7. It Must Have Been Love, Roxette - Yes, your memories of Roxette are covered with cheese. But they're better than you remember. As proof, this song. Listen to lead singer, Marie Fredriksson. From the soft notes to the power belting, this would wow the judges.
8. Rockin' Back Inside My Heart, Julee Cruise - Best known for the theme from Twin Peaks, and her performances within the show, Cruise has a voice I once read described as "an angel on quaaludes." Idol might not be able to showcase a voice this unique. But imagine if this song came out of one of those young waifs!
And that will do it for me for now. I'm off to a Super Bowl party, and we'll have to see if I have any more blogging in me afterward! Either way, happy have a good week!
Okay, a quickie before I go to the Super Bowl party. From this weekend's Saturday Night Live, with the gorgeous but not terribly funny Channing Tatum. Bobby Moynihan is going to be very busy in the next few weeks if Gingrich really does try to stick it out.
Is a picture still worth a thousand words? I don't know, but this one sure made me laugh. Is there one person in the whole thing who is interested in what Rick (don't Google me) Santorum is saying? Most look like they'd rather be anywhere else.
Okay, this may be meaningless, a hoax, or less than that. I'm following the GOP primaries with some interest, but not with a microscope. I don't know or remember if Michele Bachmann has indicated who she's supporting already, if she's changed her mind, if this means anything. But I just found it odd.
Apparently, at some point in the past, I followed Michele Bachmann on Twitter. I don't remember doing it. And at that point, she--assuming this is even the real Crazy Eyes, and not an imposter--had never tweeted. But while scrolling through my Twitter feed, I noted that she'd made her very first tweet, "I'm going to endorse Mitt Romney.", which at this point was "19 minutes ago." It seems like a goof, not an official announcement. So, if it's real, I wonder if she thought it was private? I dunno. But here you go.
Screen capture of (maybe?) the real Michele Bachmann Twitter feed. Captured a few minutes after I first noted it. Click to embiggen.
UPDATE: So, feeling this was odd, particularly with the low number of followers, I searched for MB and found her real--or at least her official--Twitter page. It looks darned near identical, but the numbers make more sense.
Yes, 128,956 damaged souls follow Bachmann. I just added one more.
But look at those numbers. Bachmann follows 17,603 different users? That would make Twitter almost unusable, insofar as I use it. Too many. Get Marcus to come in and clean house, lady! But this is still quite odd. A duplicate site, with one tweet right as I was scrolling. Very strange.
It's generally accepted by we lowly citizens that politicians fudge the facts and skew the truth. The heads of the parties spin the story of the week. After a big political event, the press sit for interviews in what is actually called the "spin room". Usually, only the most hyperbolic throw the word lie around, and when they do it, they are often lying. But it is lying. Even the ones on our own "team" do it, and we shrug and say, "that's politics." It's a sad reality of life. It's just a matter of degrees, I suppose.
Now, few people would say that Newt Gingrich never lies. He's famous for it. But what about that handsome Mormon fellow, Willard "Mitt" Romney? Surely he's not a serial liar like the rest, right? Well. . .
[Excerpt]
Chronicling Mitt's mendacity
Several weeks ago, I launched a Friday afternoon feature, highlighting the most offensive Mitt Romney falsehoods of the week. I was off last week, but let's get it started again.
1. Romney claimed President Obama "went before the United Nations" and "said nothing about thousands of rockets being rained in on Israel from the Gaza Strip.
Rick (don't Google me) Santorum gets the Bad Lip-Reading treatment, just in time too, since he's probably out of the race soon. This one may be the best yet. Hilarious. I seriously have a tear running down my cheek as I type this. "I'm crazy. . .and I'm right!" Made of awesome.
Very good. The performer, Nick McKaig, looks to me like he could actually be younger than The Simpsons, or at least not much older. Having watched the very first short cartoon on The Tracey Ullman Show on my 21st birthday, I cannot claim the same.
So, I decided to cheat. I went to the Googles, and typed it in. It turned up the Wikipedia page on metre, which if you don't know (I barely did) is part of the subject of poetry. That didn't help. There, it says stuff about syllable weight and dactylic hexametre of Classical Latin and Classical Greek. Not helpful. It says dactyl was long-short-short. . .which is kind of like LONG-short-short. Still not helpful. It says a long syllable was literally one that took longer to pronounce than a short syllable. What?
