Blast from the Past: Bad 80s Songs!

Some people might argue that "Bad 80s Songs" is redundant. There were some great 80s songs, and putting a list of those together might make for a shorter and easier list. But the 80s was a decade of some real audio tragedies, and since it was the era of MTV, it was complete with video too.

So, let's dive in, and see what we can find. . .

1. We Built This City by Starship - I liked this one at the time. Starship--a spinoff of Jefferson Starship, which was spun off of Jefferson Airplane--had several slabs of cheese served up as songs in the 80s. As a Top 40 fan, I didn't know any better. Apparently, neither did Grace Slick.

2. Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin - I don't know if this song is really bad, or if I just heard it so many times back in the day, that it is forever tainted.



3. Mr. Roboto by Styx - Styx was always cheese. Well respected cheese. Rock god cheese. But still cheese. Still, they topped themselves with this oddity.

4. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler - This song was like a 70s Meatloaf cheesfest thrown into 80s "style." Tragic, but compelling.



5. Dancing on the Ceiling by Lionel Richie - Richie is harmless 70s and 80s fluff for the most part. But this one was just awful.

6. We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Jermaine Stewart - This song seemed to be a young gay man singing to his "girlfriend", making up excuses for not sleeping with her. And I don't know why I can't find a video for it.



7. Hangin' Tough by New Kids on the Block - Truthfully, I could have put anything in here by this group.

8. Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley - Again, just about anything by this artist, but this--the inspiration for Rick Rolling--certainly takes the cake.

And that's it for now. Happy Monday!

Blast from the Past: The Jacksons' Torture

After Michael Jackson's death, I compiled an MP3 CD for my Jeep, and have been listening to it off and on ever since. I included solo tracks, duets, the Jackson 5 and the Jacksons tracks. Since my recording ended up a bit jumbled, it'll bounce from Rockin' Robin to Black or White to State of Shock (Michael Jackson's duet with Mick Jagger, which was originally intended to be with Freddie Mercury). The transition can be jarring, but it can also zap me right back to the year I first heard the song.

One of the blasts from the past is Torture, the only hit truly from The Jacksons from 1984's Victory. I had the original cassette, and played it a lot when I was in college. But since 1985 or so, I don't believe I'd heard Torture. The song itself is hopelessly stuck in the 80s, but not unlistenable, so it is curious that it doesn't pop up anymore, especially after the Michaelpalooza we've gone through as a nation. But the video really lives up to the title. Take the worst parts of Patty Smythe/Scandal's The Warrior video, mix it with The Village People, Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart, throw in a little kinky sex imagery along with A Nightmare on Elm Street, and you have Torture. Oh, and did I mention that Michael Jackson--despite providing vocal tracks--is nowhere to be found?

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literally

OK, this is just hilarious. Total Eclipse of the Heart is a classic song of the 80s by Bonnie Tyler. It was always one of my favorites. But 80s videos had a tendency to be dramatically over-the-top and pretentious. And boy howdy was this one. Someone has managed to turn the whole thing into a very literal comedic masterpiece. Enjoy.