Blast from the Past: Potential Secretary of State JOHN BOLTON!!! in 2007

When I saw that the transition team for (oh, please don't barf, keep typing) President-elect Trump [*urp!*] has thrown former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton's name into the ring for potential Secretary of State, first I had this stomach discomfort. Then a shriek of, "Our number one diplomat is going to be a man with no diplomatic skills whatsoever???" And then, my darkly humorous inner voice conjured up something from the past. It was how Rachel Maddow--then a host on Air America Radio--used to refer to the white mustachioed rabble-rouser. To see what I mean, play this clip from something called The Rachel Maddow Podthing, a precursor to her eventual The Rachel Maddow Show. You're likely to get a kick out of it, if for no other reason than just seeing the kind of fun she liked to have when she wasn't a semi-serious, pseudo news anchor on the teevee machine.

Halloween Horrors: Greenlee Gazette's Guide to the Halloween Movie Franchise

Here's my take on the Halloween movie franchise. Keep in mind, the ratings are genre-specific, and don't necessarily apply to other movies in general.

Image from Wikipedia

Halloween (1978) - John Carpenter struck gold with the original in the series. He created the faceless killing machine (Michael Myers), the "you're dead if you have sex/drink/party/do drugs" horror cliche. And Carpenter's score for the film is amazingly creepy. Easily the best in the series, in fact the best of the genre. And Jamie Lee Curtis was fantastic, as was Donald Pleasence. ****

Halloween II (1981) - Picks up immediately after part one, and holds very close to the tone and the quality. More gore, more violence and more inventive kills are a consequence of the other (copycat) slasher pix being made at the time, and the reason many dislike this entry. Curtis and Pleasence still are in top form, and Michael Myers seems to utterly meet his end. In fact, unless you're fanwanking, you can't really explain his later resurrection. Also notable for the fantastic soundtrack, an improvement on the original. Great to have on the stereo to creep out the trick-or-treaters. ***



Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) - The creators decided to drop the storyline, and try a different sort of Halloween movie, which was pretty good, but disappointed most fans. It had nothing to do with the previous films, other than the producers, and similar eerie music. Had it been successful, there were supposed to be other unrelated, Halloween-themed movies in the series. The film had one of the coolest logos in the whole series, as seen in the image on the right. **

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) - They went back to the original story (and dropped the roman numerals), which continued the storyline of Michael Myers, and ignored the ending of the second movie, where Michael Myers clearly died. The great thing about Halloween 4 was that the characters reacted like normal people--trying to get the heck out of dodge--and died anyway. Very close to the tone of the first two, and a great performance by Pleasence. ***

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) - OK, but weaker than the previous films. Continues the storyline from part 4, but adds a psychic angle, shifting the tone of the series. **

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) They dropped the number, and tried to add new elements that weren't in the previous films (Michael was a Druid?). The series was running out of steam. *

Halloween: H20 (1989) - 20 years into the franchise, this entry tried to reinvigorate the storyline. Donald Pleasence had died, but Jamie Lee Curtis was back, and parts 4, 5 and 6 were pretty much ignored. They even brought in Janet Leigh (Jamie Lee Curtis' real mother, and star of Psycho). H20 was an improvement, but the concept was really running on fumes. **

Dreadful. From Wikipedia.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002) - The less said about part 8, the better. It attempts to update the series for the internet era. Not an improvement. Don't bother. *

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007) - This film was ultimately unnecessary, as the original was impossible to top. The attempt to reboot the series, and bring it into the 21st century isn't a total misfire, but is kind of pointless. As far as remakes go, it isn't bad.  Malcolm McDowell does an okay job as Loomis, but nobody can replace Jamie Lee Curtis.  **

Rob Zombie's Halloween II (2009) - Terrible. That is all. Zero Stars

So, to sum up, if you want to see any of the films in this series, go for the original part I, probably part II, and if that isn't enough for you, part 4 and the first remake. Beware 6, 7 and 8 as well as the second remake, and only watch III for the curiosity factor. And there you have it. Happy Halloween!

Halloween Horrors: Rating the Horror Remakes

Reruns, kids, reruns of my annual horror movie guides, which have grown voluminous over the years. I even had a Blast from the Past featuring many of the movie trailers for these remakes (and their originals). You see can that here (hopefully, most are still live). And if you're interested in watching any of the full movies on Halloween night, read on. . .

ORIGINAL POST:

I've finally over the last year or so, gotten to viewing a slew of the new remakes and reboots of classic horror films.  There have been quite a few, and some are better (or worse) than others. Here's a handy guide for you, to help you out with your holiday video viewing.  (*Star ratings are for within-the-genre only)

Greenlee Gazette Modern Horror Remakes Guide

The Thing (2011) - This one is almost brand new, having only been around for a couple of weeks. Apparently it isn't tearing up the box office records, but then neither did the 1982 installment. If you liked the original, I can't see why you wouldn't like this one. There is no big Kurt Russell-type star. But it's basically the 1982 version, spruced up, and with improved effects. It has genuine suspense, and in some ways is more satisfying than the original one was. And if you hate the cold? You'll have a little more to shiver about. The 2011 Thing is more gooey, and more gross, so of course I recommend this one. Be sure to watch through the end credits. Something happens there that could potentially make this one inappropriate for this list. But whatever. ***

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007) - If there was ever a horror series that needed a change, it was Halloween. Though the original is an all-time classic, and there are a few enjoyable sequels sprinkled in there, the last three sequels run the gamut from bad to worse.  But Zombie's reboot of the franchise isn't promising. The movie itself is fine, and if it had no legend to live up to might be rated higher.  It is tied to the previous series--interestingly enough--by having the star of parts 4 and 5 as one of the actors.  But you won't be scared by this one, and anything promising for a new series is trashed by the immediate Halloween II remake, which is bizarre and confusing, trying too hard to shoehorn in supernatural elements.  You could certainly do worse, but you can do so much better by renting or buying the original.  **  (Sequel: No *)

Friday the 13th (2009) - This reboot had no real legend to live up to.  The Friday the 13th series is an interesting mixture of nostalgia and "so bad, it's good" in the pantheon of horror, and literally couldn't be wrecked.  Also, Jason Voorhees' character and back-story were already muddled, and continuity between editions was so loose, re-starting the story is no big deal.  You might call it more of a ret-con than a reboot. Anyway, this is by far the highest quality, best produced edition of the series.  You've never seen such clarity and crispness in a Friday film, which were usually muddy and dark.  Acting is better than the original series, and the effects are fun.  This is really a remake of Part 2 of the original series, which was one of the better ones, and it's really not bad.  They fleshed out Voorhees' background, adding in a couple of odd elements, neither improving or detracting much from what we know. It has a few surprises, and a couple of jolts. But scary? Not so much.  More fun than later Friday sequels (except for maybe Freddy vs. Jason). Amazingly, this film still doesn't explain why Jason's mother thought he was dead, how he survived, or why he was there to witness his mother's death!  Any future sequel would play like an extension of the first series, rendering the reboot kind of moot.  ***

Image from Wikipedia

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) - This one had me the most worried, going in.  The original Nightmare is an undisputed classic. Sure it was low-budget, had some problematic acting, and is hopelessly mired in the 80s. But it was so original, mixing the dream world with reality, relatable nightmares and a terrifying villain in Freddy Krueger. Later sequels kind of neutered Freddy though, so a reboot, Wes Craven's New Nightmare was made several years ago.  New Nightmare was not a success, even though it was critically praised, so this remake came to be, recasting and rebooting the entire franchise.  It's a mixed success. There's a new guy playing Freddy, and while he did a fine job, Robert Englund is a tough act to follow.

This isn't like the other horror franchises, with masked killers.  Englund was Freddy. That's the toughest aspect to get around.  I was surprised that they didn't focus on Nancy's house much at all, which was such an iconic aspect of most of the original series.  Also, Freddy is made more creepy and disgusting than scary.  He was always a "child killer" but the implications of that were obscured before. Here, he's very definitely a pedophile and killer, which makes you more queasy than terrified.  All in all, a decent remake, but the original is still better. **

The Hills Have Eyes - You couldn't really damage the original in this Wes Craven flick.  Hills falls into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Wrong Turn sub-genre of films, with ordinary people finding themselves in desolate places ruled by murderous, cannibalistic mutants/hillbillies/inbreds.  It's nasty, it's bloody, and you will want to cover your eyes in parts.  If you like it messy and nasty, this belongs on your rental list. The sequel falls right in line, playing like an extension of the first. Not Shakespeare, but what horror is?  *** (Sequel **1/2)

April Fool's Day (2008) - The original is a personal favorite, though not very well known. By the same people as the Friday the 13th series, April Fool's Day was a novel twist, with better acting, humor and an interesting premise of a "murder mystery weekend" going horribly wrong (or did it?).  The "remake" is really in name only. There's some decent gore, and even the acting isn't too bad. But it's a terrible movie. No stars.

Image from Wikipedia

The Last House on the Left (2009) - Another remake of a Wes Craven film, and this one is better than the original.  The old one was gritty and dirty, and disturbing, feeling almost like 70s porn.  This one is more standard-issue modern horror, but more disturbing than your typical slice & dice.  The acting is terrific, with Tony Goldwyn (Ghost) and Garrett Dillahunt almost unrecognizable as the bad guy, Krug (apparently based on the same bully of Craven as Freddy Krueger).  The film--though it does have a few typical "oh, they wouldn't do that" horror movie moments--is quite engaging and suspenseful, and is only marred by an ending that seems kind of out of left field.  It's satisfying, gory and nasty, but not entirely believable. Overall though, the best of this list. ****

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) - Unlike the other remakes in this list, I've never seen the original Tobe Hooper film.  I've caught a handful of the sequels though, and this one is better than any of those.  Some decisions by main characters are completely unbelievable, but that's a critique of most horror films, so it goes with the territory. This one plays like a better-produced installment of the never-ending original franchise.  **

There are others, of course.  George Romero's Dead series of zombie films has the unique distinction of having different folks produce remakes of each of the original three movies, and even sequels to them.  There's Prom Night, Psycho, Children of the Corn. . .but a good rule of thumb is this: get the original.  It's almost always better.

Madonna's Vogue Turns 25

Just WOW. 25 years. I was a full-fledged adult when this song came out, for goodness' sake.

I unashamedly and unabashedly admit that I have loved this song from the first time I heard it. and I especially loved the MTV Music Awards re-do of it, lip synching and all.



Hat tip to Joe.My.God. for the reminder.

Blast from the Past: TV Shows, Gone Too Soon

Okay, back to blogging after an extended holiday break. Seemingly, the world kind of stopped there for a couple of weeks, didn't it? Or did we kind of just not pay much attention? Either way, we're still here, and mostly things are the same. Though I'm sure the new GOP-heavy Congress will give me plenty to blog about, even with my upcoming cross-country move.

In the meantime, one of the few Christmas gifts we indulged in this year (with our self-imposed hard candy Christmas) was season two of Better Off Ted, one of the funniest sitcoms to air in recent or even distant memory. It lasted a bare 26 episodes, and barely made a pop culture blip. But it was brilliantly funny, and much-loved by the small, core group of people who managed to discover it. Reading quotes from some episodes can make me laugh until I cry.

So, that show has prompted this edition of Blast from the Past. The topic is any program I can think of that was cancelled too abruptly, whether that means before it had finished a complete season, or if it made it a couple of years, but was unceremoniously yanked long before its time. In some cases, these will be theme song clips, in others (such as with Better Off Ted which had little in the way of an intro) either compilations, trailers, or other relevant pieces. Let's go!



1. Better Off Ted (2009-2010) - The fist, very off-color clip here isn't a blooper reel. It's an alternate set of scenes to a real episode, in which a memo glitch demands that employees of "Veridian Dynamics" must now insult each other. The broadcast version was tamer, but still one of the funniest episodes of episodic television I can recall.



2. Firefly (2002) - No list of this sort would be complete without this Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Marvel's The Avengers) sci-fi gem. Given only a short half-season (and eventual movie spin-off), it never had a chance to become something great, so it's fortunate it was already so good.



3. Dollhouse (2009-2010) - Another show, like Better Off Ted that squeaked out two short seasong (and somehow managed the same number of episodes during the same set of seasons), and another short-lived Whedon show, Dollhouse was a personal favorite. It was morally muddy, occasionally humorous, often disturbing, and got better and better as it went. But it was so deep in its own (eventually hyper-accelerated) mythology, it may have been inaccessible to anyone but its most ardent fans. I was one. I was also happy to see a shout-out ("Did I fall asleep?" "For a little while.") on Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., also a Whedon show.



4. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (2008-2009) - The Terminator series was nothing short of fantastic in its first two films. The third was a major disappointment. But this series, set in an alternate timeline that picked up after Terminator 2: Judgment Day, followed the storyline that worked, and managed to do it on a weekly basis on a TV budget. It started with a bang, had a couple of lulls, and then came out blazing, with some truly great individual episodes and loads of promise. That FOX could manage to fumble a product with so much cachet when it was actually also quite good, remains a mystery.



5. Police Squad! (1982) - The Zucker-Abrahms-Zucker Airplane!-style humor evidenced in this very short-lived Leslie Nielsen-led sitcom, wasn't for everyone. It is quite incorrectly regarded as "stupid" humor, when in reality, many of the jokes would be missed by actually stupid people. It was an outlandish spoof of the very staid police procedurals of the 50s, 60s and 70s, and did so brilliantly. Fortunately, the brilliance was recognized, and the show was eventually spun off into a series of movies (with the third blatantly stealing many of the gags from the actual TV show).



6. Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013) I almost didn't include this one, since it got a revival on Netflix in 2013. But it is an excellent case of a show "too good for TV," or at least for a broadcast network. It also joins Better Off Ted in this list with a "brilliant but cancelled" series that stars Portia De Rossi.

And that will do it for this week, kids. It's back to work for me, at least for the next few weeks. As my departure time approaches, things on the blog are going to start to get weird. Well, weirder. But I'll be here, remarking on as much of it as I can. Meanwhile, Happy Monday!

Blast from the Past: New & Improved!

I was stuck for an idea for the year's first Blast from the Past. And then I thought, new year. New and improved (we hope) year! Remember how all the products on TV in the seventies were constantly new & improved? We never really figured out what was so different, but they sure made a big deal of it. So, here are some of those old pop culture nuggets.






1. Tide detergent - Probably the most improved item in commercials was detergent. By now, you'd think they'd have it perfect!
3. Zest soap - Soap was always being improved too. And how many times did they go through the, "Wait a minute, it's not new." "No, it's new and improved!" bit?
3. Quake & Quisp cereal - How improved could they be? Did you ever even eat either of them in the first place?
4. Secret deodorant - Yeah, apparently, they couldn't get this one right the first time either.
5. Diet Pepsi - This one was novel for its time, inspiring countless spoofs, including a classic Saturday Night Live "General Dynamics" clip.
6. Pringles Potato Chips - Now, with RIDGES!
7. Hunts Tomato Ketchup - Roy Clark of Hee-Haw explains why Hunts is now better than Heinz.
8. Windex window cleaner - I'm betting your life just wasn't complete until they improved Windex with lemon.

That's it for this week. I'm sure there are many, many more. But the YouTube search engine doesn't make it easy! Happy Monday!

Behind the Blogger: Leaving Las Vegas, Back to Ohio

[Every so often, I use this site as a personal confessional. That's kind of what "blogs" originally were: personal web logs. Since I haven't written in a while, I thought I'd do one of these, to explain what I've been up to, and where I've been]

It's the end of a personal era. It all began in 1994. Rather, it didn't begin there, but things that were already in motion took off there. I'd been in the amusement industry for about six years, and in 1994 Las Vegas was experiencing an amusement ride boom. Along with several other principal members of the company I'd worked with in Ohio, I made the decision to journey across America, a 2,000 mile trek to the desert. I landed here almost exactly 20 years ago, plus a couple of weeks.

This year's Christmas card (with apologies to Berkeley Breathed)

The first two years were exciting and new. I'd never lived so far away from my family. Prior to this, I was still a 30-minute drive away, and sometimes went weeks without seeing any of them, but it was possible to get together on a moments' notice, or for holidays, birthdays, gatherings or lunch. Now, I was alone, except for my four other fellow travelers.

Initially, we spent a whole lot of our time together, and didn't much wander out of our own little group, especially me. I was the fifth wheel, the perpetual single to the two couples. More than that, I was the gay one, to their straight-married normalcy. And I was also shy and didn't date. So, we spent way too much time at The Rio, The Hard Rock Hotel, and other "new-to-us" gambling meccas. Eventually, I tired of being alone, and dipped a toe into the dating waters. After a few tries, I started dating a guy of considerable charm, but with a dark side.

We dated for six weeks. After escalating just-short-of-violent behavior (and other sketchy behavior), I dumped him. He spent a week winning me back. We dated for six more weeks, his sketchy behavior picked back up, moved to the actually violent, and I dumped him again. All the while, I funded his favorite activity, namely: video poker and pool. I did this--stupidly--to my own financial detriment. But, in a very wise move, I dumped him again. Unfortunately, because we traveled in the same circles, I knew I could not avoid him. So, though we no longer dated, I maintained a distant but not hostile "friendship" with him. Every so often, I'd watch him play pool, though I no longer gave him a dime.

My favorite vehicle, a '98 Jeep Wrangler, owned for 9 years, entirely
here in Las Vegas, now gone for five years.

I had no dimes! They were spent, along with future dimes! And the timing couldn't have been worse. Unbeknownst to me, my (at the time) high paying job was quickly coming to a close, due to malfeasance by a principal member. I had a crucially bad combination of factors: 1) exhausted savings, 2) growing personal debt, 3) an already scheduled Christmas vacation, 4) naiveté about just how bad the work situation was, and how quickly a financial crisis can snowball. I continued to work for no pay, continued to incur expenses, and didn't know enough to drop the job as quickly as I'd dropped the boyfriend.

I married The Other Half in '08, during
the brief window it was legal in California
that year. Now it's legal in Nevada, and in
most of the country. . .but not Ohio!

The new job paid half what the old one did. I inherited a sibling (also down on his luck). And my finances were a shambles. During this time, I pretty much withdrew into my own life and troubles, and my group of friends and I had a lengthy period of separation. Fortunately, we all came back together. But one set had started a family, and remained in a slightly removed orbit for most of the rest of this story (still love 'em, still see 'em, just not as often). I spun off the sibling into his own story, dated a little more, and my job grew into a career.

The story greatly improved the following year, when I met The Other Half. We had a fast courtship, a brief separation, and then a solid relationship and cohabitation, all in just over a year. We've been together ever since, with a relatively consistently improving or steady time of it all along the way. Debt problems are in the distant rear view (where I hope they stay). Two cats have come and gone. A couple of cars, though far fewer than most people. I gathered some friends with the relationship, and for the most part, the two circles have remained steady, and tend to overlap on special occasions.

But there is the pull of family, and of something less tangible. After having been here twenty years (and The Other Half nearly as long), we could both see that both of our very long careers would likely end before too many more years. Our nieces and nephews are growing up fast (some have grown entirely from infancy in this time). Our remaining parents are getting older, siblings too. Family health problems are beginning to crop up with alarming regularity. So, the 2,000-mile buffer has become more abrasive lately then comforting. It's time for a change.

Jinx the Cat came and went, but managed 14 years
here in Las Vegas, 12 of them with us.

It was somewhere about year 13 when I took up hobbyist blogging. It's difficult to believe, but when I moved here, Bill Clinton was still in the first half of his first term in office. In the early days of my relationship, we had The Lewinsky Affair and the impeachment. Next was the 2000 election nightmare, followed by the Bush/Cheney night terror that wouldn't end. It wasn't until Dubya was three-quarters of the way wrecking things when I just was so damned sick of it, that I started this blog as an outlet for my frustrations.

I'd been a keyboard commando since the days of bulletin board services. I can't claim to have gotten too into it until the age of Prodigy, and early AOL though. I'm an early adopter, but not that early. Still, my political arguing skills have been honed online for all of my 20 years here in Vegas. And it occurs to me that pretty much the entire internet age for most people has happened within those same years. When I left Ohio, I had a modem, but it had seen only sporadic use!

The blog started slowly, grew quickly, consumed tons of my time in the first and second years, and then waned on an almost imperceptibly slow decline ever since. I've never gone more than a week without a post, and rarely longer than a weekend. But a quick look at my posting history will reveal that my output here has nearly crashed this year. Life, finally, has gotten in the way lately.

One of several things that didn't exist 20 years ago:
Flat-panel TVs and monitors.

I imagine I'll keep the blog going as long as Blogger is a "thing." I see no reason to kill it off, or make some big declaration ending it. It is rare that a week goes by when I don't have something I want to write. I still enjoy sharing things, and regularly cross post on Facebook and Twitter. But I can't deny that a daily routine is becoming a drag. There's a reason I've almost eliminated blogging late Friday-to-Sunday evenings, and reduced or non-existent posting over holidays. I no longer panic and seed time-released posts when I know I won't be around. If I don't get a post up for the night, sometimes I explain why, sometimes I just don't worry about it. [Story continues below]

BETWEEN 1994 AND 2014

- Flat panel TVs and monitors didn't exist, outside of portables or laptops, and they were extremely small and expensive. They are now ubiquitous. Our household has at least seven. We have no glass tube screens, and used to have at least 5.
- Cell phones were rare, expensive, huge and heavy. They are now ubiquitous, and smarter than any PC from 1994.
- FOX "News" and MSNBC didn't exist until 1996, and the 24-hour news cycle wasn't really a thing yet. CNN was unique.
- We had no idea who Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Ted Cruz, Rachel Maddow, Adam Levine, Ryan Seacrest or Simon Cowell were. Or what a Kardashian is.
- We went from VHS to DVD (mostly skipping LaserDisc), and on to Blu-Ray along with instant, streaming high definition, sometimes 3D video. Often over wireless wifi, which would have been indistinguishable from magic twenty years ago.
- Speaking of wifi, our connected world would all seem like magic to a computer user with a 14.4 dialup modem with CompuServe, in 1994. The internet and the many ways we connect to it should amaze us more than it does.
- Google and other search engines have rendered trivial knowledge a useless talent.
- In 1994, Justin Bieber was an infant. So was Ariana Grande. Miley Cyrus was 2. One Direction's entire lineup was 0-3 years old, with an average of less than 1.

And that's probably how the future will go. As we move back to the Buckeye state later this winter, the blog will mostly remain static unless something really interesting/exciting happens. When I arrive at my destination, I'll undoubtedly pick it back up. In fact, at first, I'll probably have the time, and want to post things. But hobbies are a time-available thing, and our time will be in demand, both with the practicalities of moving, and with visiting our newly-close-by families. We'll be looking for jobs (though maybe not right away), and a house. There are going to be other things to do.

So, if you've made it this far, thank you for reading, thanks for stopping by. If you enjoy this blog, know that it isn't going away. Just maybe check in less often, or just expect that I might not have anything new that day. If I ever do decide to end the blog all together, there will be a final post saying so. But I can almost guarantee that there will still be new posts after that! I just can't imagine that I won't want an outlet sometimes.

 

Blast from the Past: Christmas Special Songs!

I haven't had much holiday cheer up yet. So, what better time than now? Some of these songs have left the realm of old holiday specials, and joined the regularly played Christmas tunes. Which is cool.





1. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - From the Dr. Seuss classic, How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
2. The Who Song (Welcome Christmas) - This one is on the Christmas stations all the time, also from How The Grinch Stole Christmas
3. Christmastime is Here - From A Charlie Brown Christmas.
4. We're a Couple of Misfits - Rudolph and Hermey the gay dentist elf, from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
5. Frosty the Snowman - From the cartoon of the same name, by Jimmy Durante.
6. Heat Miser/Snow Miser Song - From The Year Without a Santa Claus, one of the Christmas specials that filled enough of the logic gaps in the Santa story to keep me believing for a couple more years.
7. One Foot in Front of The Other - From Santa Claus is Coming to Town, with Mickey Rooney and Keenan Wynn
8. Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus - Liar!

That's it for this week. More holiday cheer to come. Happy Monday!

Blast from the Past: Sexy Teeth and Fresh Breath in the 70s !

Often for my Blast from the Past, I know I've repurposed and rerun old columns because of either a) running out of time or b) losing interest! This is one of those weeks where I'm reusing an old idea, but I'm not even going to look at my previous columns, I'm just going to see what I can find, using YouTube and my own memory as a guide.

I got the idea this week from the fact that I'm going in for my last insured dental visit for a while. The Other Half and I are embarking on a risky new chapter of our lives, where we will not have this type of coverage until we secure new jobs in a new town. So, obviously, it's a bit on my mind. But for some reason, I discovered that the topic of oral care is somehow extra sexy in the seventies. Take a look.

1. Ultra Brite Toothpaste (1978) - In a previous piece, I remember running a Farrah Fawcett Ultra Brite commercial. Here's one with her fellow Charlie's Angels "sister," Cheryl Ladd.
2. Close-Up Toothpaste (1979) - Ultra Brite wasn't the only toothpaste to play up sexuality. Close-Up did that almost exclusively. Here they are with Tom Selleck.
 

3. Crest Toothpate (1970s) - How about a little mustachioed Bill Cosby in your mouth? *blurrgh*
4. Pearl Drops Tooth Polish (1975) - Back to sexy (if you don't find the Cos sexy), with a woman who is a little to thrilled with her polished teeth. Sorry for the video quality, but there are other 70s commercials in the clip.
 

5. Macleans Toothpaste (1971) - Wow, they were sure horny for clean teeth in the 70s! Here, Cybill Shepherd is much less than subtle about getting it on with a guy who insults her.
6. Scope Mouthwash (1976) - Better rinse before getting that morning smooch!
 

7. Signal Mouthwash (1978) - Apparently Signal Mouthwash makes cheesy come-ons more sexy.
8. Freshen Up Bubblegum (1978) - A gum so sexy, it squirts in your mouth. . . And yes, that's Sorrell Brooke, Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard.
 

And that will about do it for me for the week. Though I just can't get out of here without the Farrah one. It's too classic. Here it is, happy Monday!
 

Blast from the Past: Positively Perfect Pop Songs!

Pop music gets very little respect from music fans. For those of us who like it, it's just a fun confection, an enjoyable lark. From "real" music fans, pop music is disposable, meaningless, without artistic merit. The equivalent of Stephen King or Dean Koontz in the fiction genre. Well, you know what? I dig King and Koontz! And I dig pop music too!

There are numerous pop songs that just strike me as pop confection perfection. And this is my list of some of the best of the best.

1. Misery - Maroon 5 - This group, headlined by The Voice's Adam Levine, is one of the most successful acts at crafting pure pop perfection. Usually, they include a little profanity to add a little street cred. But their songs are just little balls of perfectly crafted song candy. Misery is one of the best, making an abusive relationship sound fun and bouncy! Yay! I'm in misery!

2. Express Yourself - Madonna - It would be impossible to narrow down Madonna's discography to find the best, most perfect pop song. That's why I didn't, and there is more than one. This one isn't just perfect, it has alternate versions that are equally perfect! And that shouldn't be possible!



3. Mony Mony - Billy Idol - This is an eighties version of a sixties song, that is largely meaningless. But it is absolute perfection in what it sets out to do: set dance floors on fire, and make people happy for no reason. Its recent inclusion in a Nissan Sentra ad is just proof.

4. Steal My Sunshine - Len - Usually, when an act samples parts of another song to put into their own, the result is derivative, uninspired and something of a retread. In this case, one-hit-wonder Len achieves pop perfection, using Andrea True's More, More, More disco tune as a foundation.



5. Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode - You can tell when even an "alternative" band has become mainstream when their old tunes not only get mixed in on "80s and More!" radio stations, but get put into GAP ads. This song might be from a band with a heavy artistic cred, but the song is a pop meringue.

6. Vogue - Madonna - Leave it to Madonna to take an underground gay dance craze, and turn it into mainstream success. And then, make it enough of a classic that if you played it on any dance floor 20+ years later, it would still draw a crowd.



7. Waterloo - ABBA - I am of the opinion that ABBA's catalog--almost all of it--could be released today, and be successful. Many, if not most of their hit songs are masterpieces of pop music. Songs like Ring, Ring and On and On and On should be re-released, just to see what happens. But Waterloo, to me, is a perfect pop song.

8. A Little More Love - Olivia Newton-John - This one might seem like a stretch, but hear me out. Pay attention to Olivia's change-ups in melody. Notice that she changes the note structure in each lead-in to the chorus, and each chorus itself. Much like Adam Levine does in Maroon 5, Olivia plays with the notes, going all over the place, but always in tune, and sounding perfect.




Okay, kids, that's my bit for this week. Hope you had a great Easter and/or Walking Dead finale weekend! Have a great week, and happy Monday!

Blast from the Past: Saturday Morning in the 70s, Pt. 2: The Cartoons

Saturday morning cartoons--an absolute weekly event during most of my childhood--are a thing of the past. There are entire channels dedicated to cartoons and children's programming, but it's just not the same as the big three TV networks having a slate of kids shows from 6 to noon every Saturday. They competed against each other, and ran promotional ads in comic books to get our eyeballs on their channel. And we all watched. I don't

remember any kid my age who didn't.

My first edition covered the live-action shows, and this time I'm going for the cartoons. These are my favorites, in no particular order.

1. Josie and the Pussycats (1972-73) - A weird amalgam of Archie Comics style and Hanna-Barbara Scooby-Doo-like storytelling. But I loved the music, and Sebastian the cat.

2. Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! (1969-1970) - Scooby-Doo ran for many, many years, in many, many formats. But long before the insufferable Scrappy-Doo came along, was the original. And dig that music!



3. SuperFriends (1973-1986) - The first season was a kid-friendly version of The Justice League of America, complete with ordinary kids Wendy and Marvin (with WonderDog). The show picked up steam and popularity with the introduction of the Wonder Twins, Zan & Jayna. But the closer they got to the feel of the JLA, the more I liked it.

4. The Pink Panther Show (1969-1980) - This is another one that ran under a great many titles, but I always liked it, with its mix of segments, from the Ant and the Aardvark, Tijuana Toads and The Inspector.



INTERLUDE A: In the News (1971-1986) - CBS ran these mini news programs between cartoons. They brought our mornings to a screeching halt. But as I got older, I started to enjoy them.

INTERLUDE B: Schoolhouse Rock (1973-2009) - Unlike the previous, I loved these shorts. Almost all of them. We looked forward to Schoolhouse Rock just as much as the regular cartoons.



5. The Brady Kids (1972-73) - The Brady Bunch cartoon version included Marlon the talking mynah bird, and Ping and Pong, the pandas, for no particular reason. I was only 6, and I was rolling my eyes at the wacky animal sidekick trope. Speaking of which. . .

6. The Partridge Family 2200 A.D. (1974-75) - For some reason, the Partridges have a different mom, and instead of touring on a bus in the 70s, they're flying through space in the 23rd century. With a robot dog called Orbit.



7. The Tom & Jerry/Grape Ape/Mumbly Show (1976) - Though Tom & Jerry went through many, many titles (and their theatrical shorts are their main draw), this mouthful of a title still sticks in my head, and thus deserves a spot on the list. Unfortunately, the only video I can find is of the version without Mumbly.

8. Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids (1972-1981) - I loved this show, and Bill Cosby (here's hoping he's not guilty of the current allegations), but it always heralded the end of cartoons for the day, which was also sad.
 

And now, the weekend is over, and it's time to go to school work! Happy Monday!

Halloween Horrors: Greenlee Gazette's Top 10 FUNNY Horror Movies

Every October, I run a series of Top 10 lists of different types of horror movies for Halloween for the people who likely missed them in years past. So, if you're looking for some Halloween horror, but you'd like it tempered with a bit of humor, here are ten options for your movie night!


Yes, horror can make you scream and laugh. Some of these films are straight-ahead comedies with horror thrown in. Some are horror with comedy thrown in. And some may be unintentionally funny. But if you like your scary movies cut with a little bit of humor, these are the films for you.

Greenlee Gazette Top 10 Funny Horror Movies

1. Shaun of the Dead (2004) - This movie is a horror spoof, but it doesn't spare the shocks, or the gross-outs. It's probably the best horror spoof ever made (I don't count the fantastic Young Frankenstein, which is more spoof than horror). It helps if you like British humour.

2. Fright Night (1986) - This film isn't quite a spoof, but it is surely an homage to the old "chiller theater" TV programs of years gone by. Excellent performances, lots of laughs, and a shock or two. It does suffer a bit for its obvious 80s fashions, though.

3. Army of Darkness (1992) - The third of the Evil Dead series was the most mainstream, and more straight-ahead comedy. I recommend getting Evil Dead 2 (which is sort of a higher-budget remake of part 1) in tandem with this one. A classic.

4. Final Destination 2 (2003) - This horror film isn't exactly a comedy. But try not to laugh (maybe nervously) at the inventive and gory kills in this one. Better than parts 1 or 3 by a long shot. And some genuine thrills.

5. Critters (1986) - Riding the Gremlins and Ghoulies wave of the 80s, this New Line Cinema (A Nightmare on Elm Street) offering offers thrills and laughs--most intentional. Actually manages to be cute and scary.

6. Psycho II (1983) - The sequel to the all time classic is not the fright-fest it could have been. Tony Perkins is clearly playing it for laughs. And he gets them. Avoid any further sequels and remakes.

7. April Fool's Day (1986) - One of my all time favorites. Every holiday got its horror movie in the 80s, and this one has a novel twist. Gamely played by actors a notch above the typical horror flick. I recently re-watched this one, and it still holds up. I haven't yet seen the remake, though I've heard nothing good about it, so look for the date on the box.

8. The Car (1978) - James Brolin fighting a car possessed by the devil. This one could have made my "BAD" horror list, but it does have some shocks. But, just try not to laugh when The Car kills the tuba player. . .

9. Freddy vs. Jason (2003) - The terror is long drained out of both of these series, so the kills are mostly for laughs. A good time anyway. But who really won?

10. The Blob (1986) - I've blogged about this one before, and it is one of my favorites. Funny mostly for Kevin Dillon's mullet, and the general 80s vibe. Still has a few shocks and is most enjoyable.

PREVIOUSLY:
Halloween Horrors: Psycho
Halloween Horrors: Top 10 FUNNY Horror Movies
Halloween Horrors: Top 10 SCARY Horror Movies
Halloween Horrors: Overlooked Horror Films
Halloween Horrors: A Nightmare on Elm Street
Movies I Can't Wait to See: Friday the 13th
Halloween Horrors: Top 10 BAD Horror Movies
Halloween Horrors: Top 10 CLASSIC Horror Movies

Halloween Horrors: Top 10 SCARY Horror Movies

Back in the early days of the blog, I posted a series of lists of my favorite Halloween films. Since then, I've written more, and repost some of them every year, with a few updates and additions. This one is one of the most important, if you actually want to get scared by your horror. . .

Image from Wikipedia.org

There are nearly as many "top 10" horror movie lists as there are horror fans. But, for the list to have any relevance, you have to quantify what you mean by "horror." There's the kind of movie that really scares you, and keeps you up at night. There's the kind that makes you laugh (yes, horror can be funny). And there's the kind that is just iconic--they might not scare you exactly, but leaving them off of your list is heresy.

So, because I'm unable to whittle all of those types down to 10, here is one that is just focussed on the really scary horror movies. Hopefully, you can use this for your Halloween night suggestion list.

Greenlee Gazette Top 10 Scary Horror Movies

1. The Exorcist (1973) - This is the granddaddy of all scary movies. Even better if you're Catholic (so I'm told), or have ever had a devil dream (which I have). Loses none of its punch, 35 years later, except for a few anachronisms that remind you: "Hey, this is a 70s movie," like lighting up cigarettes in a hospital! You know the movie has really got something when it can effect a completely non-religious cynic like me!

2. The Hitcher (1986) - Maybe not strictly "horror," but definitely scary. The first time I watched this, I was on the edge of my seat for the whole film. Rutger Hauer is one of the scariest villains ever on screen. Sometimes the tension is almost unbearable. Though C. Thomas Howell's 80s 'do might take you out of the moment. But, skip the sequel and the remake, seriously.

3. Dawn of the Dead (1978) - The greatest zombie movie of all time packs in the gore, shocks and scares. Possibly the best low-budget horror movie of all time. Even Leonard Maltin thinks so. Mall culture may be dying, but not quite like this! The sequel looks newer and snazzier, sure, but the original can't be beat.

4. The Omen (1976) - Creepy, scary and right up there with The Exorcist for religion-inspired nightmares. That little Damien kid is the archetype for all scary horror movie children. Yet another where you can skip the remake, but the first two sequels have their moments.

5. Halloween (1978) - The godfather of slasher flicks, this film will actually make you jump. Great suspense, good payoffs, and an incredible score. Jamie Lee Curtis is the best movie scream queen in cinema history. The first remake was okay, but not this good (and not scary). But if you like this one, Parts 2, 4 and 5 are pretty good. The rest are rubbish, as is the remake of part 2.

6. 28 Days Later (2003) - A modern update of zombie movies--sort of. It will scare you, and give you a vague discomfort hours later. The sequel? Nah.

7. Phantasm (1979) - This (extremely) low-budget film has more scares than some entire horror franchises. The Tall Man is one of the creepiest villains ever on film, short of Dick Cheney.

8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - Sure, you may have forgotten that the series started out scary, but the first film in the franchise delivers the scares, and an eerie nightmare vibe. First time viewers will have a hard time sorting out dreams from reality. Some of the sequels are good, but none are as scary.

9. Hostel (2005) - This is in the current trend of "horror porn," where the camera lingers on the cruelty and gore. But it is undeniably scary, and will freak you out. The sequel? Not so much.

10. Hellraiser (1987) - The series has been diluted by the countless sequels, but the original still gives me the creeps. Pinhead and his Cenobites will tear your soul apart! Again, sequelitis robs this one of its novelty and creepiness. So, avoid them if you're looking to get frightened.

(Bonus) Buried (2010) - While this movie may not quite be typical Halloween fare, it is by far the scariest movie I've seen in years. I'm unflappable (beyond a flinch or two) with virtually anything the horror genre can dish out, but this one? I had to press "pause" five times. Just to catch my breath, and regroup.

See also (from previous years):
Halloween Horrors: Top 10 BAD Horror Movies

Halloween Horrors: Top 10 Classic Horror Movies
Halloween Horrors: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Halloween Horrors: Psycho
Halloween Horrors: Top 10 FUNNY Horror Movies
Halloween Horrors: Overlooked Horror Films
Halloween Horrors: A Nightmare on Elm Street
Movies I Can't Wait to See: Friday the 13th

Blast from the Past: TV Shows with the Premise in the Theme!

TV theme songs have always been a favorite pop culture thing for me, and occasionally there are still some really good ones, even if they're much shorter than in TV's golden age. But one thing rarely heard anymore is the premise theme song. That's where the entire basis for the show is clearly spelled out in the lyrics of the theme song. Surprisingly there are quite a few.

1. The Brady Bunch (1969-1974) "It's the story of a lovely lady. . ." No matter that this show was rather mediocre, it made a huge splash in America's pop culture pond that continues to ripple. The theme song was a big part of it.

2. Gilligan's Island (1964-1967) "Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale. . ." Just as unforgettable as the Bradys, and not coincidentally by the same guy, Sherwood Schwartz. Those shows were his two big successes, and he wrung them for every drop he could get out of them!



3. The Beverly Hillbillies (1962-1971) "Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed. . ."

4. Green Acres (1965-1971) "Green Acres is the place to be, farm livin' is the life for me!"
 

5. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (1990-1996) "Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped. . ." A much more recent theme, but already over 20 years old!

6. The Jeffersons (1975-1985) "Well, we're movin' on up!" Arguably, the theme didn't tell the whole story, but if you knew them from All in the Family, the theme told you what happened next!
 

7. The Dukes of Hazzard (1979-1985) "Just the good ol' boys. . ."

8. WKRP in Cincinnati (1978-1982)
 

And now you know the story! Or stories. Anyway, that wraps another weekend folks. No fighting it, it's time to start another week. Join me, and try to have a happy Monday!

Blast from the Past: Songs that Should have Been Hits

Yes, this is a rerun, but I've added two new "shoulda beens" to the end!

For this week's Blast from the Past, I'm going to see how many songs I can find that are examples of great songs that either barely hit the Billboard charts, or didn't even break through at all. And I'm sure I'll only crack the surface here. These are the kinds of songs that you either know because they were on an album you played a lot, sometimes on a Greatest Hits collection with some "extras" that really weren't. Or it's an attempt at a comeback from an established star that just didn't do the trick. Whatever it is, these songs all have the makings of a hit, but just. . .weren't for some reason. See how many you know.



1. Ring Ring by ABBA (1973) - This early tune by the Swedish quartet managed to make several world-wide charts, some to number one. But it didn't chart in the states at all. It should have.

2. On and On and On by ABBA (1980) - A later track by the same group had all the makings of a hit (and the by now standard repeating title of many of their others), but only hit #90 in the US. It was still very catchy, and should have been a hit.



3. I'm Gonna Be Strong by Cyndi Lauper (1994) - According to Lauper, this is the song that got her a recording contract. Small wonder. I've always wondered what could have happened if Lauper had been a contestant on American Idol, and belted this out. It's amazing.

4. You Don't Know by Cyndi Lauper (1997) - As you can now tell, I have some favorite artists who have several songs I think should have been hits. This one was probably hampered by an album track that was slow and languid. This dance version is one of my favorites, a song about the stupidity of bigotry.



5. Quantum Mechanic by Thomas Dolby and Dr. Fiorella Terenzi (1994) - This great tune from the Gate to the Mind's Eye soundtrack always made me happy. And should have been released.

6. UMF by Duran Duran (1993) - One of several tracks from "The Wedding Album," something of a comeback album that did have a couple of hits. UMF stands for "ultimate mind f**k," thought the profanity is never uttered.



7. Only You by Pat Benatar (1997) - Again, a great album, chock full of great tunes, but it still couldn't revive Benatar's hit-making career.

8. Try by Billy Pilgrim (1994) - I saw this band when they opened for Melissa Etheridge on tour. I bought their album, and totally dug it. This is one of their best songs, and it turned up on a compilation or two, but didn't really go anywhere. Great harmonies.



9. Rock D.J. by Robbie Williams (2000) - This incredibly catchy dance tune was a hit around the world, but didn't manage more than #24 on the dance chart in the US. Maybe it had something to do with the gory, out-of-left-field video.

10. Little Bird by Annie Lennox (1993) - This is (along with a couple of other tracks that didn't chart) one of my favorite Lennox tunes. Amazing that I didn't do better.



11. One by One by Cher (1996) - Like the Cyndi Lauper tune, You Don't Know above, this one had a down-tempo album version, and this spirited dance version. The dance version charted at #6, the album version at #52. I'm fairly certain it was this song's performance that made Cher go straight for dance releases like Believe after this.

12. That's What I Think by Cyndi Lauper (1993) - Another Lauper tune, I can't help myself. I think she's been criminally overlooked. This one she even plays the recorder. I remember her blowing David Letterman away when she performed it on his show.

And that will wrap it up for now. I realized as I was writing that there are many, many songs I listen to that were never hits but seemingly could have been. Give these a listen, and look forward to another edition. This one is worth a sequel. (or a rerun, heh)

Happy Monday!

BONUS: Here's the Letterman clip.

Blast from the Past: The Best of Cyndi Lauper

I say this with sadness: though Cyndi Lauper is an outrageously talented woman, and people still know who she is, her music is tragically stalled in the 80s. I don't know why this is. I don't know if she has a bad agent. Maybe she ticked someone in the industry off? She should by all rights have had two or three "comebacks" by now, and be sharing the "diva" status of Cher or Tina Turner. Maybe she'll surprise us yet. In the mean time, here are some of the hits (and other songs) that make Cyndi one of my favorite artists.

And that rerun, folks, is the best I'm gonna get up this week! Busy doings at the Greenlee Gazette household. Happy Monday anyway!

Blast from the Past: Snack Foods of the 70s!

This was a "party" weekend night for me, so no new feature this week, sorry. Instead, here is a rerun from earlier in my blogging career. Still probably "new" to you, right? So, enjoy! Happy Monday!

 

ORIGINAL POST:

Image found at Democratic Underground

I've wanted a weekly feature on the blog for a long time. I've got several regular themes here, Right Wing World, Science is Cool, Lest We Forget. . ., What Happens in Vegas, America the Stupid and others. But they come and go with no regularity. Well, I'm going to try to change that now.

Practically since I started the blog, I've run several Blast from the Past posts, each centering on a particular batch of videos that have something in common.  I've created a couple of new ones over successive Sundays, and realized that Sunday is the perfect day for it.  It's a slow news day unless the Sunday morning political shows break something shocking (usually a politician putting his or her foot in their mouth).  So, from now on, Blast from the Past has a home on Sunday evenings (or Monday mornings, depending upon what time zone you're in).

This week?  Well, I loved the old Pringles ad from when the dehydrated snack chip first came out, so why not snack foods of the 70s? Sounds yummy, let's go!

1. Peter Paul Almond Joy & Mounds Candy Bars - This one will noodle around in your head for a while.
2. Lay's Potato Chips - Okay, so we've got Bert Lahr, the Cowardly Lion dressed as Satan, and he apparently can eat just one? I'm confused. . .
3. Doritos - I'd forgotten about the fat Dorito's guy until I found this clip. See if you remember him.
4. Jiffy Pop Popcorn - I'm pretty sure that's Ruth Buzzi.
5. Nestle $100,000 Bar - I think they call this the One Hundred Grand bar now.
6. Keebler Fudge Cookies - Somehow elves making cookies in a tree doesn't sound all that hygienic to me.
7. York Peppermint Patties - This is from a whole series of commercials that were never funny.
8. Hostess Snack Cakes - Okay, so Twinkies are fresh and wholesome? Hostess and kids, they go together. Well, duh.