Rachel Maddow and David Letterman Discuss FOX "News"

Couldn't resist.

Senators Thune and Cornyn Against Earmarks They Themselves Requested

This is a rather lengthy clip from Wednesday's The Rachel Maddow Show, and all of it is worth watching. But zip ahead to about 4:20 to see some stunning hypocrisy on display. There, John Cornyn and John Thune hold a press conference. See, they're voting against the bill to fund the government because it's loaded with "pork" and "earmarks." The problem is, many of the earmarks for pork in the bill were put there by. . .wait for it. . .Senators Thune and Cornyn! Watch how they squirm when they are asked about it. Stupid reporters and their logical questions. Can we just get the guys from FOX "News" in there to ask them a leading, negative question about President Obama?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

House Passes "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Repeal

Image from source, The Advocate

Or rather, they passed an "It's okay to repeal DADT if a whole bunch of people agree it's okay." Or something. For the second time. It's a great step, but meaningless unless Harry Reid manages to overcome a sure-to-be-tried filibuster. There is no reason--short of homophobia--to keep this always archaic and ridiculous law in place. The military is for repeal, for the most part. The American public is for repeal in large percentages. And there are already gay people in the military, just as there always have been. That won't stop John McCain and Mitch McConnell from claiming that "America" wants DADT to stay. 

[Excerpt]

House Approves DADT Repeal



The U.S. House of Representatives Wednesday approved a stand-alone bill to repeal the 17-year-old law barring lesbian and gay service members from serving openly in the military by a vote of 250-175. . .
 
Read more at: The Advocate

Harry Reid to Conservatives: There's No Whining in the Senate!

The line today about why the Senate can't get anything done before the end of the year is that it would be disrespectful to Christians. You heard that right. Apparently December 15-24 and 26-31 are sacred, right along with Christmas and John Boner Boehner's holy day, New Year's Eve. The real reason of course is that if the lame duck Senate manages to pass anything on the agenda, it might have the side effect of making President Obama look good. And you know they can't have that.

Occasionally, they'll be blunt and upfront about that. But usually, they make up shit like the Christmas excuse. It's getting damned annoying hearing all the bloviation when we all know what they're up to. And I find my self once again feeling proud of my usually milque-toasty Senator, Harry Reid.

FOX "News" Makes You Stupid?

Image from source, NewsCorpse

Oh don't look so surprised. People might mistake you for a FOX "News" viewer!

[Excerpt]

Study Confirms That Fox News Makes You Stupid



Yet another study has been released that proves that watching Fox News is detrimental to your intelligence. World Public Opinion, a project managed by the Program on International Policy Attitudes at the University of Maryland, conducted a survey of American voters that shows that Fox News viewers are significantly more misinformed than consumers of news from other sources. What’s more, the study shows that greater exposure to Fox News increases misinformation. . .
 
Read more at: NewsCorpse


Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link.

Hmm. George Washington Would Have Supported Health Care Mandate?

Image from source, Think Progress

Sorta. At least he supported a mandate. Are Republicans (who initially came up with the idea of a health insurance mandate) saying that George Washington went against the Constitution? Interesting. . .

[Excerpt]

Cuccinelli’s Anti-Health Reform Argument Has A George Washington Problem



. . .Cuccinelli’s comparison between health care and guns is unfortunate, since it reveals his utter ignorance of American legal history. Indeed, rather than trying to “imagine” what the reaction to such a hypothetical law might be, Cuccinelli could learn exactly what America’s reaction was to an actual law simply by picking up a history book. As it turns out, President George Washington signed a law that was almost identical to the one Cuccinelli railed against on CBS. . .
 
Read more at: Think Progress

Science is Cool: Potential Cure for HIV?

This could be huge.  Experts have always said that if HIV could be cured, many other diseases could be close behind. Let's hope so.

[Excerpt]

Image from source, Huffington Post

Stem Cell Transplant Cures HIV In 'Berlin Patient'

On the heels of World AIDS Day comes a stunning medical breakthrough: Doctors believe an HIV-positive man who underwent a stem cell transplant has been cured as a result of the procedure. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Blast from the Past: The Honeythief by Hipsway

I missed my Blast from the Past installment because I was on vacation (and sick), but something I did experience something new while away. The 2011 Hyundai Sonata I rented (friggin' awesome by the way) had XM/Sirius satellite radio. I always wrote it off as a novelty and an extravagance that I don't need. It is, however, extremely cool.  I had no idea how it worked, and once I found out that it has dozens and dozens of categorized stations (60s on 6, 70s on 7, 80s on 8, Elvis, Jimmy Buffett, Paul McCartney. . .), I was kind of blown away.

There are no commercials, and the music programming by category is far, far more interesting than I've ever heard on a terrestrial 80s or Classic Rock station.  The song below is one I loved at the time, but haven't heard in years. But 80s on 8--which features all of the surviving original MTV veejays!!!--is chock full of "lost 80s" songs. I personally have made my own "lost 80s" CDs, songs that don't make the regular rotation. Talk about hitting a wavelength. So without further ado. . .

The Honeythief by Hipsway

Religious People Are Happier. . .But Not Because of God

Thanks to my friend Stupid Monkey Planet for continuing to help me get over my vacation brains by sending on this link. As I've reported many times before, I'm so non-religious that the thought of "God" as an real entity almost never even crosses my mind. I put it in the category of Superman, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy on the scale of plausibility. Nevertheless, I do sometimes envy the fellowship and activity--in short, something to do when you can't figure out what to do--that actively religious people have.

While some believers will try to shoe-horn atheists, agnostics and other non-believers into the religion category, it just isn't true. For instance, most non-believers don't belong to a group of like-minded non-believers, with a house of non-worship, anti-hymns and un-church camp. So, while I know what it's like to belong to a church, which had these sorts of activities (I've even participated), there is nothing like that for an atheistic agnostic like me.  I wouldn't say that makes me unhappy. But I can see how those sorts of things can help others find happiness.

[Excerpt]

Why Religion Makes People Happier (Hint: Not God)

Religious people are more satisfied with their lives than nonbelievers, but a new study finds it's not a relationship with God that makes the devout happy. Instead, the satisfaction boost may come from closer ties to earthly neighbors. . .

Read more at: Live Science

Play Me Out Maestro...

For my Paw... And for da Monkey. I bid you, Adieu...

Thanks for the soapbox, Dear Editor.

Aaron Sorkin Takes on Sarah Palin

Image from Screen Crave

Here's another quickie post while I manage my recovery. I love Aaron Sorkin's writing, and continue to be impressed by the man himself. I suggested here on the blog that President Obama ditch some of his "insider" advisers, and bring on Sorkin, as a speech writer if nothing else.

[Excerpt]

In Her Defense, I'm Sure the Moose Had It Coming



"Unless you've never worn leather shoes, sat upon a leather chair or eaten meat, save your condemnation."



You're right, Sarah, we'll all just go f*ck ourselves now.

The snotty quote was posted by Sarah Palin on (like all the great frontier women who've come before her) her Facebook page to respond to the criticism she knew and hoped would be coming after she hunted, killed and carved up a Caribou during a segment of her truly awful reality show, Sarah Palin's Alaska, broadcast on The-Now-Hilariously-Titled Learning Channel. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

John Boner Boehner: Tears of a Clown

Image from source, Randi Rhodes

I was going to write a post about the weeping, orange boner (™ The Stephanie Miller Show) tonight, but found a post by radio host Randi Rhodes that says it better than I can in my post vacation, post stomach flu mindset.

[Excerpt]

Tears of a clown:

John Boehner was on 60 Minutes last night. And yes, 58 of those minutes were Boehner crying. This guy simply cries too much. There’s a fine line between “sensitive” and “maudlin,” and John Boehner’s tears have washed that line away. He cries at the drop of a hat. And a guy who drinks as much as John Boehner drops a lot of hats. And it’s not like the guy gets misty, or tears up a little. He blubbers like he’s watching “Terms of Endearment,” “Ghost,” and “Old Yeller” all at the same time. Boehner told Leslie Stahl “There’s just some things that trigger real emotions.” Yup. And one of them is bourbon. . .


Read more at: Randi Rhodes

MonkeyLeaks: New Plan from House Leader Boehner

We at SMPN were the fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a video depicting John Boehner & his ambitious plan for the New Republic.
This video gives a very clear idea of what the Tan Man & Co. have in store for America. We get an inside look as to how the new house is looking to persuade policy & the American public as a whole.

Please do pardon me for the next thing I type... I am looking at you 'lefties'...

As a non-partisan in all of this & my monkey bias beside, it is a sound plan.

Watch it!


Please look twice before you open your door this January, its a new world come 2011. Ideological policy may be coming to you... And it has fangs, super human strength & an attitude.

My apologies for any of the outrageous actions of my monkey brethren, should this new plan come to fruition...

It will. So, I guess I am already sorry.

Back to Vegas: Travelogue, Part the Fourth

Here I sit at Port Columbus International Airport (clever name, eh), with quite a bit of time left to kill before my flight. But with 19-degree weather, a bunch of snow on the ground, and much more falling, and a rental car to return, leaving early was a must. My stomach flu is mostly gone, though there are some rumblings of thunder down under to worry about.

At security, I had to first go through the naked porno scanner (arms up! everything out of your pockets?), then the pat-down (we meant everything. Yes, that includes Chap-Stick, tissue and paper money, not just metal!). But there was little to no line, so whatever. If they get their jollies passing around x-rays of this body, more power to 'em.

My appetite has returned, so I got a Chili's-to-Go chicken sammich and a Gatorade (to replenish) for $12 or something, and settled down and a pretty nifty Southwest computer counter. Nice touch that! So, short of a preemptive bathroom run, and maybe another Gatorade to take on the plane, I'm good to go, headed back to balmy (by comparison) Las Vegas!

Many thanks to my good friend Stupid Monkey Planet for filling in. It's good stuff, and this blog can always use a fresh perspective. Not sure how much if anything I'll get posted this evening, but I'll be back on Tuesday for sure.

Don't Ask, Don't tell... Louis.

This post is done with a good buddy of mine in mind...

His name is Louis & he is an Iraq War Veteran. Two tours of duty with a fourteen month 'stop loss' in between. He is a good guy that gave this monkey a whole new perspective on the Iraq War & war in general.

I lost a friend or two in the first war with Iraq. One in theater, a couple more after they came home, exposed.
Even with it being that close to me, I was still far removed from what was actually going on. I was too young to care the way I ought... Busy being eighteen.

Louis changed my thoughts about soldiers & war. He would tell a story that involved Iraq because that is where the story took place... Not to be a braggart, but because there was some relevance to whatever conversation we were having.

As an example, we were talking about mechanics as he & I are both avid gear heads. It was a discussion on carburetors and the problems they have... Louis told me about his governor getting stuck in his truck while he was in a convoy. He was bitching about not being able to keep up with the pack.

I asked... "Why didn't you hop out & give it a go with a screwdriver? Surely, you or someone had something you could just whack it with, if you had to."

Or so I thought.

Well, it turns out an IED had gone off & they were immersed in a night time firefight. His story wasn't about his bravado, or the AK-47 rounds bouncing off of his truck. It wasn't about the 50 caliber machine gun firing overhead into the roof tops of Iraqi homes... It wasn't about being the last guys in the line of the convoy watching the other convoy vehicles ahead getting further away & further away... That was just the background 'noise' of the story to him... His story was about the carb issue that he had to deal with on a long trip back to his base.

Perspective.

Louis has a good attitude, kind spirit & a great sense of humor. He doesn't care if there are millions of gays in the military. A non issue to him & most others that have been shot at. He never considered if the guy on top of his ride, firing the 50 caliber machine gun, was gay or not... He considered whether the guy was alive or not. That guy was protecting him & his comrades... and thousands of men & women alike doing the same thing.

He was more worried about the flames at the end of a barrel than flames in their ranks. *rim shot*Ah, thank you... I am here all week...

Don't ask, don't tell is silly. Once the bullets fly, explosives detonate & your life is on the line... You need a comrade at arms. It isn't gonna matter who they like to kiss when they keep you out of harm's way.

Some may be thinking, "What do gays in the military & carburetors have to do with each other?"
the answer is: Absolutely nothing... except perspective.

And as it turns out, when Louis finally reached base, he whacked his carb with a screw driver & all was well.

So, with a heart felt salute... this is for Sergeant Louis & all of the other soldiers with boots on the ground. Something we will call "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Fun" at the expense of a superior. Enjoy.

Ahhhh.... It is Monday

Anatomy of The Christmas Shoes Revisited

Another one from the vaults. It isn't possible to inflict enough derision upon the now perennial The Christmas Shoes song. It's abysmal. It's horriffic. It deserves far more crap flung at it than has ever been flung thus far. So here is my effort, from the early days of the blog, to put this lame-ass song in its place. See what you think.



Original Post (with revisions):

As we get closer to the holidays, you are undoubtedly going to be assaulted by Christmas carols somewhere. And if you're like me, you will unwittingly overhear The Christmas Shoes by NewSong, one of the worst songs--if not the worst--of all time.

I’ve been wanting to write my own version of "The Annotated Christmas Shoes," since I read the original on Diary of a Blood Ray (later known as The B Pryde Machine, no longer active) years ago. The first time I heard the song, my reaction was much the same as Ray's. I wasn’t moved to tears. I didn’t find the song precious or heartwarming. The song actually kind of pissed me off.

The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that this song was brainstormed (if you can call it that) to be as manipulative of people’s emotions as possible. I can envision the writers sitting down to write a sappy Christmas song, trying to pluck the heartstrings until they frayed. Now that the season is upon us, this hideous song has already started to play. And play. And play. And I just can't take it anymore!

So, taking a page from Blood Ray (and hopefully, not stepping on his toes too much), here once again is my own version, which I call Anatomy of The Christmas Shoes. Put on your glasses, I'm shrinking the font because of length.

The Christmas Shoes by NewSong


It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line OK, It sets the scene, and it’s not so bad yet. It does manage to telegraph what’s coming though.


Tryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood Still setting the scene, and there’s the obligatory tryin’ as though "trying" wouldn’t be heartwarming enough.  And you know, if he's already in line, he should know if he's got one gift or two.



Standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously Here’s where my cynic antennae start going up. I’m thinking the writers picked a boy, because a girl would just naturally do something nice for her mom. So, yeah, let’s make it a boy, to make it more poignant.
And in his hands he held a pair of shoes Yes, the titular shoes. Why shoes? I’ll tell you why shoes. Because if the writers made it a hat, bra, panties, dress, or almost any other item of clothing a woman might wear, he’d seem gay. Believe it.

His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe The scene was set, but this goes wayyy over the edge. Apparently, this is to show that the boy is poor. What it does for me is tell me that his parents aren’t taking care of him. He’s wandered away from home, unsupervised. He’s wearing rags, and he is filthy. What kind of home does this kid come from? Poor or not, soap isn't that expensive.
And when it came his time to pay I couldn't believe what I heard him say Cheesy writing to get to the chorus. You couldn’t believe it? Really?

[Chorus:]

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please Because a dress would be too gay, remember. Also, this line is jarring. "Shoes" is so far from rhyming with "please," it almost audibly shrieks out, doesn’t rhyme, doesn’t rhyme!
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size Maybe he’s a little gay after all. What little boy knows his mom’s shoe size?
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time Where was Daddy when you needed a bath, and your clothes wore out?
You see she's been sick for quite a while Another line to make you feel sad, Mama’s dying on Christmas. OK, I won’t pick this one apart. Yet. . .
And I know these shoes would make her smile One of the more baffling parts of the song. Shoes might be the very last thing on Mama’s mind right now. Sure, probably any gift from her dirty, neglected son might make her feel something, but why not something more useful, like a Snuggie?
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight OK, back to Mama dying on Christmas. Apparently, she’s not only dying, she’s dying of one of those women’s movie/soap opera diseases that doesn’t disfigure you. I mean, if all it takes to make her beautiful is a yummy pair of shoes, she can’t look too bad, can she? Plus, it still doesn't rhyme.

And I haven’t even mentioned the cloying, syrupy, calculated to make you cry "if Mama meets Jesus" part. People! If this stuff works on you, you need to know that you’ve been played!

He counted pennies for what seemed like years Because that makes the story somehow more precious. If he simply was short a bit of paper money, it wouldn’t seem so annoying/cute.
Then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here" This kid is not only alone, filthy and in ratty clothes, he’s too young to know how to count money. Interesting.
He searched his pockets frantically I’m with Blood Ray, this kid could be a grifter. And a good actor too.
Then he turned and he looked at me Sizing you up, no doubt. . .
He said Mama made Christmas good at our house Though most years she just did without Laying it on a little thick there, kid.

Tell me Sir, what am I going to do, This kid is far too articulate to match up to the rest of the song. Maybe he’s not just a grifter, but a midget grifter.

Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes I’d swallow it if it were almost anything but shoes. What kid—especially a boy—would get so set on shoes? Does Daddy force Mama to go barefoot at home? Is that what’s going on here? Is Daddy abusive? Maybe Mama’s going to meet Jesus, and Daddy says there’s not much time because Daddy’s gonna kill her? Okay, maybe that's stretching. . .

So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out I’d have rhymed that better too. Finish it with, "’cause my heart had come around" or something.

I'll never forget the look on his face when he said Mama's gonna look so great Sorry, I still don’t get it. If Mama’s only problem with "looking great" is footwear, she had options. Socks, maybe? And it still doesn't rhyme. They should've spent less time being cloying, and made the friggin' thing rhyme.

[Chorus] Worse the second time around.

[Bridge:]

I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love What? How? Maybe being an agnostic obscures this for me, but how does an untended, filthy kid, lousy at math, but speaking in verse, whose Mama is dying on Christmas Eve from a mystery disease that leaves her pretty except for her gnarly feet--show you heaven’s love? Wouldn't heaven's love be more appropriately shown by seeing this boy home? By offering to take Mama to a hospital? Something besides throwing down a couple of bucks and leaving???
As he thanked me and ran out As fast as his feet would carry him, I’m sure, just in case you caught on to his con.
I knew that God had sent that little boy Couldn’t God have worked a slightly more relevant miracle? What’s more important, a little boy being robbed of his mother and Christmas in one fell swoop, or for a bad singer/songwriter to learn the meaning of Christmas?
To remind me just what Christmas is all about. Yeah, yeah, we could have written that line, knowing what came before. It’s like when there was a hurricane in Mexico that destroyed a church, killed almost everyone, but it was a "miracle" that a plaster statuette of Jesus survived intact. The miracle, apparently, that Jesus saved his own butt. And the singer of this song? I really don’t know. And neither does anybody else. It’s worth mentioning that the last chorus is sung by a children’s choir, and the last line delivered by a single boy’s warble: If Mama meets Jeeeesus. . .tonight. . . Which really. Pukes. Me. Out.
The song is quite simply calculated to make you tear up, say "awwwww," and have a vague feeling that you should play it over and over again every year. The song is also ripe for parody, and I hope one day a talented writer comes up with a song that simultaneously skewers this song, and outsells it.

Travelogue, Part the Third: I've Killed My Parents?

What a trip so far!

First day: arrival and pizza, plus helped prep for the big party..

Second day: picked up The Other Half, helped prep the manse for the big party.

Third day: sickest day of my life. The Other Half works in my stead. Big pizza & beer night w/family sadly spoiled.

Fourth day: sickness continued, party ensued anyway.

Fifth day: Rain turned to snow, briefly to blizzard. Had to take The Other Half to the airport in the worst of it. Sickness abated simultaneously--thank goodness--but I had to resurrect my "driving in snow" skills from 1-1/2 decades ago. Drank a quart of Gatorade, and suddenly feel just fine. Arrive at parents' house after hours driving in snow to find. . .

My parents have the same illness I just climbed out of! Both are solidly down for the count, as is my sister. I have a very small family, but seem to have taken three of them out. Oy. Only one day to go!

Back to Ohio: Day #5 of 6

One day away from the return to Las Vegas. Last night was Mom's big shindig, and it went of fairly without a hitch (but not without Mom yelling at me once). The weather is turning from rain to snow, and from chilly to COLD. The Other Half needs to get home today, so we'll see how that goes. But for now, here's another Holiday Cheer, this time with an edition of Simon's Cat!!!

Back to Ohio: Day #4 of 6

More from the vaults. . .

ORIGINAL POST:

Holiday Cheer: Raging Rudolph (Mad TV)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the Rankin-Bass classic stop-motion Christmas classic was on CBS last night. I missed the old spinning "Special CBS Presentation" animation. In fact, I changed the channel. I watched Rudolph last year, and I really think it's best enjoyed with a little more distance, to let the nostalgia build up.

Instead, I found a great spoof from Mad TV. Imagine Rudolph as interpreted by Martin Scorsese. . .