EXCLUSIVE: Rick Perry's First Presidential Application Was Rejected

Many of us have been made familiar with Rick Perry's memory lapses & his oft-repeated gaffes.
But did you know that his first attempt at filing his application for the presidency was rejected!?!?
He was unable to completely fill out the forms... Apparently, he had some trouble remembering a few things.

We've obtained some audio/video footage from a restaurant where Rick Perry & his staff were discussing the rejection notification. Obviously, they are attempting to clean things up before a big mess is made.

It provides a good insight into what Rick Perry is or may be... And may also help to explain some of the strange behavior.

The Rick! 2012!

SPOOOOOON!

10,000+ Lives Lost to China Quake

Photo Credit to NASA
Mother Nature is the most fearsome 'creature' of this planet. She is a constant reminder, albeit often ignored, of how small & insignificant we stupid monkeys really are. We cannot fight her, predict her or beat her... We can tell you what she does, when she does it & what we think she might do & then suffer the consequences. She will always be the dominate force upon this planet & universe... and she has no mercy.
With that said, I cannot fathom the sadness she brings with the toll she takes. My thoughts are with those in China, Myanmar, Indonesia, Cuba, Central America, Mexico & the U.S.A.

Please remember, Ma Nature will take us all out one of these days... be it the sun (our star), volcano, flood, plague, famine, asteroid or comet... she will rid herself & this planet of us stupid, stupid monkeys. Like the dinosaurs we too get to check out.

Read about the earthquake in China at ABC...
If you want to help Unicef or American Friends Service Committee are great places to start.

Whatta BLAST! Cheney & McCain Visit Iraq

In the extremely & definitively secure Iraq only 40 or so people were killed when a bomb accidentally & unexpectedly detonated in a Shiite section of the Disneyland East fun park known as Baghdad.
Experts Prick Cheney & Con McCain were dumbfounded..."this kinda thing doesn't happen here often...We just don't get it...this is supposed to be the safest place on earth...Obviously the bomb had a defect... must have been an import...probably Iranian..." were just a few of the observations spouted by the pair.
I am sure it is nothing to worry about... it can't have a thing to do with civil war, ethnic cleansing, occupation, oppression, oil, territorial rights, human rights, civil rights, George Bush, Dick Cheney, KBR, Halliburton, Blackwater or the 30,000 extra 'stimulus packages' the US sent in some months back... Because we all know that Iraq is totally safe... right???... isn't it?
See how safe it is here...

Story credit to Yahoo! News

Governor + 1 + 1 = 3-some

I thought I'd start off the night with a Stupid Monkey joke.
Turns out the Shameless Gossip just isn't so gossipy. David Paterson governor of BJ... er, uh, I mean NJ has admitted to a torrid threesome affair with the "driver". These three give a whole new meaning to TGIF (just read).
So wifey pooh just ain't so innocently victimized... I am sure she was some kind of "ized" though. Not only is she aware of her hubby's tendencies... she f*cking participated in them. Pun is most definitely intended.
Poor, poor wifey... I wonder if they will offer a refund for her, ahem, book.
Funny, huh?
Read more here for the what I am sure is just the beginning of this rogue wave.
Story Courtesy of the AP via Mailtribune.com

Stupid Monkey Returning to the Canopy

Be on the lookout for my site www.StupidMonkeyPlanet.com to launch in January of 2008.

The Stupid Monkey Planet bids you Adieu...
Thanks for your time & any interest.

"It is easier to fling poo than it is to catch it." ~Stupid Monkey Logic

G.O.P. Soul Offered Up For Sale

You rang???
Alaskan corruption scandal heats up...

Washington Post Excerpt: On another tape, Pete Kott, the former Republican speaker of the Alaska House of Representatives, crowed as he described beating back a tax bill opposed by oil companies. "I had to cheat, steal, beg, borrow and lie," Kott said. "Exxon's happy. BP's happy. I'll sell my soul to the devil." cont... (Wow, an honest politician!!!)

Read about Kott & friend's burnt soul offerings here

Update: Apparently Satan has turned down Kott's offer referring him instead to Cerberus. ~SMP Nuuz

Pakistan's "Emergency" Good for the Taliban

Excerpt: Taliban fighters are tightening their grip in areas in the north-west of Pakistan as a result of the country's state of emergency, officials in the Swat valley have said.

Pro-Taliban fighters have advanced in recent days and government officials say they now control as much as 70 percent of the valley, just a few hours' drive from Islamabad... continued

Good thing G.W. & Slick Dick are all over this problem... Now we're safe. Note of sarcasm included.

Hindsight Is Always "50-50"...

Armitage says it was "foolish" to reveal Valerie Plame's name to the public. Really? Ya don't say? What a dip shit monkey this guy is... Anyhow, here is Armitage trying to explain away & make sure he can still get into the heavens with all of those virgins he's been promised.

I think the sign above this Dick's shoulder says it all... "Late Edition". Too late Dick.

This Dick Explains It All...

Photo Swiped from CNN

Say Goodbye to Your Privacy

Shhhh.... Big Brother is probably watching you read this... try not to look them in the eyes... and pull up your pants for Pete's sake. Remember this is all just for your safety.
Its 1984... and Orwell is this century's Nostradamus.

WASHINGTON (AP) - A top intelligence official says it is time people in the United States changed their definition of privacy.

Privacy no longer can mean anonymity, says Donald Kerr, the principal deputy director of national intelligence. Instead, it should mean that government and businesses properly safeguards people's private communications and financial information.

"It's like schizoidparanoia... It's Existential Blues." -Tom 'T-Bone' Stankus (Good Monkey)

Planted Questions from Camp Hillary?

Hat tip to fledgling website Scarlet & Black for this interesting story about the planting of questions in Hillary's audiences.
I think 80%-90% of campaigns are probably guilty of these same tactics at one point or another. In my eyes it is still deceptive no matter the question or the result. Why do campaigners continue to tell us what we're concerned with? They should be listening to us... And as much as it pains them, they work for us. We're the boss. Deceptive tactics only make everything else they say come into question. Stop telling us what to think & say... Just listen & do your job.
Questions from plants are easy to answer

G.O.P. Spelled With an "XXX" GUILTY!

G.O.P. Florida State Representative "Neiland" Bob Allen GUILTY in sex sting.

Well, well, well... Just think maybe you can be "intimidated" by more BLACK men in the near future. You know, in your upcoming "free time". Yay for you! Stupid, stupid monkey.

G.O.P. Rep. Guilty in Sex Sting

Rudy Says Bill Clinton to Blame...

Rudy "Hold On My Wife Is On the Phone" Giuliani says that William "I'll make Ya Famous" Clinton is responsible for the overstretched military of today.

"Our military is too small to deal with the Islamic terrorism threats, but it really is too small to deter would-be aggressors to even think of challenging us. And that's due to Bill Clinton," Giuliani told students and others in the audience of about 350 at Iowa State University's Memorial Union.

This amongst other presidential proclamations he made today.

Rudy always (9/11) makes me think of when a live comedy show is going badly. His answers & statements seem badly scripted. But at the end of the show Rudy will proclaim that (9/11) all went well & he knows what is (9/11) best for all us.

Knowing best means he should know how to ready the military better than anyone... After all, he dun so gud in Nuuyork... Just ask his "well equipped" fire & police departments. I hear they have top notch radio systems there... At least now they do.

Speaking of the police... who is that buddy of yours anyway??? Uh... ok... oh... Good cop/Bad cop stuff... Don't you worry, I am sure your secrets are safe with a crooked cop. Careful... do I see a 'corruption probe' behind you???

Random Monkey Thoughts: One thing I can say about Giuliani is he seems just dumb enough to be president... at least by today's standards. You lead the free world with the president you have, not the president you want. Hmmm... I wonder if his wife keeps calling "9-1-1" & getting Rudy?

Stupid Monkey Rants & Rudy speaks...

Click on photo for another of Rudy's bad scripts...

Is Rice About to Get Dicked?

If you ask me, Dick "Lord of Darkness" Cheney is removing an obstacle keeping him from his war fantasy with Iran. If he can just push Rice out of the way of the "smoking barrel mushroom cloud gun" he can start shooting all kinds of people in the face. Finally!

Rice's Impending Doom?