Rush Limbaugh to Undergo Sex Reassignment Surgery

Sources tell us at Greenlee Gazette that thrice-married four-times-wed "traditional family values" conservative radio host, Rush Limbaugh, has finally come to terms with his transsexuality. According to well-placed sources (who prefer to go unnamed), Limbaugh does not intend to simultaneously undergo plastic surgery or liposuction, envisioning himself as a zaftig, Rubinesque future beauty. Rumor has it, Limbaugh will continue his radio program using his new name, Rachel Tension.

Finally Revealed: Jeff Gannon's White House Lovers

Image of Jeff Gannon from Democratic Underground

Long forgotton GOP gay sex scandal star, Jeff Gannon--a faux-White House Press Corps reporter/male prostitute--has finally admitted just who his "client" was in the Bush Administration. Or, rather, who his clients were. In a cryptic press release, to be followed by a tell-all book, Gannon only referred to his customers by code names, such as "The Eagle," "Darth," "Turdblossom" and "Chimpy McCokespoon." More on this story as it develops. . .

Rush Limbaugh to Undergo Sex Reassignment Surgery

Sources tell us at Greenlee Gazette that thrice-married "traditional family values" conservative radio host, Rush Limbaugh, has finally come to terms with his transsexuality. According to well-placed sources (who prefer to go unnamed), Limbaugh does not intend to simultaneously undergo plastic surgery or liposuction, envisioning himself as a zaftig, Rubinesque future beauty. Rumor has it, Limbaugh will continue his radio program using his new name, Rachel Tension.

Can't Be Real: An All White Basketball League?

UPDATE: Thanks to friend and contributor Stupid Monkey Planet for doing the legwork and confirming that it is indeed a hoax. Had to be! Thanks, Monkey.

Rant - All-White Basketball League: Hoax!

ORIGINAL POST:

Really? It's not April Fool's Day, Ashton Kutcher stopped making Punk'd years ago, and this doesn't seem to be from The Onion. But I'm still suspicious. Could there really be a group of people so out-of-touch in 2010? Really? I'm just having a hard time believing it's true.

[Excerpt]

New basketball league open to whites only, to get away from the ‘street-ball’ played by ‘people of color.’

new professional basketball league called the All-American Basketball Alliance (AABA) sent out a press release on Sunday saying that it intends to start its inaugural season in June, with teams in 12 U.S. cities. However, the AABA is different from other sports leagues because only players who are “natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.” AABA commissioner Don “Moose” Lewis insists that he’s not racist, but he just wants to get away from the “street-ball” played by “people of color” and back to “fundamental basketball.” Lewis cited the recent incidents of bad behavior by NBA players, implying that such actions would never happen with white players. . .

Read more at: Think Progress

Ann Coulter Falls for April Fool's Joke

Image from source, Think Progress

This just in: Ann Coulter is an idiot. But you knew that.

[Excerpt]

Coulter Falls For Fake Obama NASCAR Story That Limbaugh Said No One Would Believe

As an April Fool’s joke, Car and Driver magazine posted a made-up story on its website claiming that “President Obama had ordered Chevrolet and Dodge out of NASCAR after the 2009 season.” The magazine “pulled the fake story” after it “turned into a sizzling Internet topic,” especially on anti-Obama right-wing websites.

As Media Matters notes, one person who took the joking claim seriously was Ann Coulter. In her Human Events column yesterday, Coulter wrote. . .

See what she wrote at: Think Progress

Colmes "Replaces" Hannity on FOX "News"

On the April Fool's Day episode of Hannity, former co-host Alan Colmes appeared with a modified into to a faux show called Colmes. The humor, such as it was, was rather strained, but delivered with finesse by Colmes. The sad thing is, while Sean Hannity might find this stuff humerous, I also think he really believes it.

On the other hand, there are rumors that Hannity is puppeted by the less TV-friendly Mark Levin, and that Hannity off-camera thinks that all of this stuff is just a lark. In any event, while the scripted bit was cute, there really was no need to change the format to be in line with April Fool's Day. Hannity plays the fool nightly.

Obama Raises Cigarette Tax

Image from source, Raw Story

It will be interesting to see where the line is with cigarette taxes. They raise them to fund government projects. But if they raise them too high, people will be unable to afford them, which means more people will quit. Which means less money for government programs. But it means healthier Americans. It's a dicey question.

Ultimately, it's probably a good thing. Like seat-belt laws, cigarette taxes might be one of those rare cases where the ends justify the means. As a more-than-occasional but less than full-time smoker myself, I know I'm thinking the price is too high now. Maybe just one more pack. . .

[Excerpt]

No joke: stop smoking

The cost of lighting up in the United States skyrocketed Wednesday under a federal tax hike on tobacco to fund new health care coverage to uninsured children.

The federal tax on a pack of cigarettes more than tripled to more than one dollar, from 39 cents, the Treasury Department said. For a 10-pack carton, the tax leapt to 10.06 dollars from 3.90 dollars. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

New Star Trek's Captain Kirk Bisexual?

Image from source, AfterElton

Hey, I'm cool with that! Especially when Mr. Spock now looks like Zachary Quinto. Go, Kirk! Mr. Sulu shouldn't get all the action!

[Excerpt]

Exclusive: Kirk is Bisexual, Kisses Spock in Upcoming “Star Trek” Movie

In the new Star Trek “prequel” movie due out in May, James T. Kirk, future commander of the U.S.S. Enterprise, is bisexual and in love with Spock, and hints that Spock may have loved him back. In one scene, Kirk shares a bed with Spock and kisses him on the lips, although the Vulcan does not seem to reciprocate. . .

Read more at: AfterElton

EDITOR'S NOTE: You really didn't think I could go all the way through today without a post like this one did you?

Dick Cheney to Step Down, McCain in as VP

Photo from poisson d'avril

DICK CHENEY OUT, McCAIN IN, CONDI RICE IN THE WINGS

Washington D.C. - In a strange political maneuver, a possible bid to change the dynamics of the 2008 presidential election, Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he will resign his position effective at 5:00 pm today. Already tapped as a replacement is presumptive Republican presidential nominee, John McCain.

McCain still intends to remain in the race, and is expected to achieve a substantial boost in the polls, having been installed as Vice President of the United States. McCain is also expected to name his running mate, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

The combination of an incumbent and an African American woman on the Republican ticket has invigorated the GOP faithful. . .

For more on this story, click here, or click the link below "continued."

CONTINUED

April Fool