Blast from the Past: Sexy Teeth and Fresh Breath in the 70s !

Often for my Blast from the Past, I know I've repurposed and rerun old columns because of either a) running out of time or b) losing interest! This is one of those weeks where I'm reusing an old idea, but I'm not even going to look at my previous columns, I'm just going to see what I can find, using YouTube and my own memory as a guide.

I got the idea this week from the fact that I'm going in for my last insured dental visit for a while. The Other Half and I are embarking on a risky new chapter of our lives, where we will not have this type of coverage until we secure new jobs in a new town. So, obviously, it's a bit on my mind. But for some reason, I discovered that the topic of oral care is somehow extra sexy in the seventies. Take a look.

1. Ultra Brite Toothpaste (1978) - In a previous piece, I remember running a Farrah Fawcett Ultra Brite commercial. Here's one with her fellow Charlie's Angels "sister," Cheryl Ladd.
2. Close-Up Toothpaste (1979) - Ultra Brite wasn't the only toothpaste to play up sexuality. Close-Up did that almost exclusively. Here they are with Tom Selleck.
 

3. Crest Toothpate (1970s) - How about a little mustachioed Bill Cosby in your mouth? *blurrgh*
4. Pearl Drops Tooth Polish (1975) - Back to sexy (if you don't find the Cos sexy), with a woman who is a little to thrilled with her polished teeth. Sorry for the video quality, but there are other 70s commercials in the clip.
 

5. Macleans Toothpaste (1971) - Wow, they were sure horny for clean teeth in the 70s! Here, Cybill Shepherd is much less than subtle about getting it on with a guy who insults her.
6. Scope Mouthwash (1976) - Better rinse before getting that morning smooch!
 

7. Signal Mouthwash (1978) - Apparently Signal Mouthwash makes cheesy come-ons more sexy.
8. Freshen Up Bubblegum (1978) - A gum so sexy, it squirts in your mouth. . . And yes, that's Sorrell Brooke, Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard.
 

And that will about do it for me for the week. Though I just can't get out of here without the Farrah one. It's too classic. Here it is, happy Monday!
 

Blogger Break, Back on Tuesday Nite

Okay, kids, here's the thing. After work today, I had to go to the dentist to have one of my bonded teeth repaired. After that, it was off to the Sprint store to finally get my phone replaced. Except the phone that they got for me (a duplicate Samsung Epic 4G to replace my broken one) had a bum antenna. Having already been without a phone for 11 days, I had to struggle not to throw a fit!

Ultimately, they switched me to an HTC Evo 4G. Remember, these are circa 2010 phones to fill out my contract. So, anyhow, I've spent much of the evening reprogramming and learning the differences between the phones. I've just about got it done, except that my contact list is all goofy. I think I'll save fixing that for the weekend. And I'll have to do that with an on-screen keyboard, rather than the physical QWERTY keyboard I'm used to.

My new toy, at least for the next 7 months.

While doing the telephone stuff, I found that my part-time boss sent me three jobs this evening. My weekend part time job, mind you. Sigh. So, after all of that, I'm just plumb tuckered, y'all.

I'll be back tomorrow. At some point. Promise.

A Day in the Life of a Blogger

The tray of torture implements my
hygienist Betsy used. Scraaape

I'm late in getting something up on the blog today, but I have an excuse. It's been a very busy day. First, I had a dental appointment, something I have to endure every three months due to periodontal disease. Fun! The visit was mostly positive. I've seen a very good improvement in the last six months, though I believe my progress dropped just a tiny bit from three months ago.  So, I'm still on a prescription, and still have to be tortured four times per year.

The looming lamp monster.
You can see him, can't you?

Each time my butt hits that dentist chair, I marvel at how it feels like I was just there. No matter which little exam room they put me in, it feels the same. And I see the strange little lamp monster above me.  I took a picture of him this time, so that I could prove he exists. You don't see him? Those little Phillips-screw eyes, that little hinge-mouth below?  He hovers over me, taunting me.

After the scraping and interminable gum measuring was over, I had to line up a prescription. Then I had to drive over to the auto dealership to pick up a touch-up paint pen for my car (just a couple of tiny dings to take care of).  After that, back across town to the library to get some homework for my new Mac, and drop off last week's supply.  And I'm back here using the Mac for this update. Whew! It's only 1:30, and I'm kinda pooped. It's a damned good thing I don't have the kinds of chores my ancestors had. I'd have been such a whiny bitch about it!

More bloggy goodness to come this afternoon and/or evening. I hope everyone's having a terrific start to their holiday weekend. Cheers, everybody!

Blogger Visits Periodontist Again

In 2006, I had a series of periodontal surgeries to correct a gum problem. This was after a series of "deep root planings" by my dentist didn't clear up the pockets. Now, 3-1/2 years later, the problem has returned, but on a smaller scale. I just got home from my most recent surgery, this time on the bottom right of my mouth around three or four teeth. There are no sutures this time, since the doctor used a laser (mmm, I love the smell of my own burning flesh in the afternoon!).

The good news? Apparently there will be reduced bleeding and accelerated healing time with laser surgery. I'll let you know when the anesthesia wears off, and I'm relying only on Tylenol and Loritabs for the seared flesh in my mouth. The bad news? The procedure revealed--voila!--my first cavity in 25 years. So, after my follow-up procedure on this surgery, I must schedule a tooth drilling a week later. Whoopeee!!! Well, at least I've got my Loritab!

Rachel Maddow at Conservative Confab (CPAC)

Yes Rachel again, but cut me some slack, Jack! I was at the DMV this morning, and I have oral surgery this afternoon! Plus, it's funny and shows how ballsy our Rachel is. Enjoy.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

More Dental Woes. With Lasers!

I start the week with the bane of my existence looming large on the calendar. On Friday, I have my latest date with dentistry. Or periodontics to be more specific. I've got great teeth apparently (even if they're a bit gappy), but I've got rotten gums. I floss, I use a SoniCare toothbrush, I rinse. But genetically, I'm screwed. I've got periodontal disease, which leads to pockets, which leads to bone loss, which can lead to tooth loss. Perfectly viable teeth set in a set of crappy gums.

I really, really hate going through even minor dental procedures. I get mildly queasy for a cleaning. So imagine how surgery makes me feel. I've already gone through surgery on all of my gums, so I was a little surprised there was enough material there to hack me up again. Fortunately, it is only 1-3 teeth this time, rather than my whole mouth. Also, with my most recent big dental problem, the procedure was so easy, effortless and painless, I have a little less anxiety about it this time.

But that was just a wisdom tooth extraction. This involves cutting. Burning to be more accurate, since they are using a laser this time. Star Trek-style surgery in my mouth! Whoopee! I am relieved that it won't involve the upper teeth, since that (as I learned last time) involves sutures that extend all the way to the roof of the mouth. Those dangly threads were extremely annoying. What I do have to be worried about is the shots. Lower jaw shots suck. Mmmmphff. My mouth is all clenched just thinking about it.

I just hope this procedure goes as well as last time, and I'm writing an "after" post that tells how easy it all was. But as the days tick by, and Friday approaches, I know I'm going to get that sinking feeling. We'll see how it affects my willingness to blog.

Disgusting Ads Cross Line Into Self Parody

Since sometime early this year, I have been irritated by all those annoying web ads for whiter teeth and for diet aids. I thought they all started popping up because of new year's resolutions or something. But they never went away. Blubbery people and gross teeth seemed to be popping up everywhere, sometimes (shudder) animated.

But on my most recent visit to The Raw Story, one of my favorite blog/news/forums (or whatever you call that kind of site), there was a cluster of ads for both weight loss and tooth whitening. I've copied the ads here (and presume they won't mind the free advertising). If I didn't know better, I'd assume it was a graphic for an Onion parody.

(Click to embiggen)

Sunday Morning Blogging

Image from PunditKitchen

Holy moly. This weekend has been rough on ye editor. Three days in a row, I've woken up with a headache. To top that off, the past two mornings, I've also awakened with intense dental pain. I still don't know what that's about. After all, I just had a dental visit on Friday, with no obvious problems. It's a deep ache though, and it's on uppers and lowers on the left side. What's more, it comes and it goes. I guess I'll just keep an eye (tongue?) on it for a few days, and keep the (yuck) OraJel handy.

So, my morning got a very late start, as I spent much of it with a pillow over my eyes. I just fired up the DVR to watch--hold your excitement--Meet the Press with David Gregory. They've hauled John McCains bones before the camera again, even though I'm sure he made the Sunday chat rounds last week. For an extended segment, Gregory drilled McCain about Sarah Palin's resignation as Alaska Governor. Grampy lied, lied, lied though his teeth through most of it, but could not bring himself to endorse this women (who he loves and would nominate again) for President. It was a sad, sorry spectacle. And it made me forget about my headache and toothaches. Thanks, Johnny!

Dental Scare: I am Terrified

Image from Enexus.com

It is amazing that I'm able to fulfill a dental appointment. I absolutely abhor, hate, despise and deplore any dental engagement. I hate everything about it. As a kid, I dutifully--though against my will--endured every semi-annual appointment with my dentist. And when I segued into adulthood, I even had to endure two tooth extractions--later lamented by my dentist as "unnecessary."

I dutifully fulfilled my obligations to the biannual examinations. And lucky for me, after the age of nineteen, I never had to have another filling. But when I moved to Las Vegas at the age of 28, I sadly lapsed into a period of "no dental care." It was a combination of procrastination and the abject hatred of dentists.

After I met up with The Other Half, and once again obtained dental insurance, I reluctantly went back to the dentist. And I was greeted with this statement: "You've got great teeth. Too bad they're all going to fall out." Turns out, I've got periodontal disease. Gums. Not teeth, gums. I had bone loss, and gum disease. Great. So, I went through a deep gum-probing root-planing procedure. And after several appointments, it was decided that my SonicCare toothbrush wasn't enough, and that I'd require oral surgery.

So, I did it. Though I wanted to bolt from the chair every time, I submitted to a gum surgery that lasted three different procedures. They cut off tissue, and stitched threads through the roof of my mouth. It was awful. And then I went to several follow-up procedures. But when it was time to go back to my regular dentist, I got rescheduled twice, and then just. . .stopped.

For two years, I procrastinated, and ignored the inner voice that says "you've got to go back." But eventually, I got back on the wagon. And since then, I've had to go back every three months to get my mouth back into shape. Yesterday, I had to return for my fourth visit since my two-year hiatus. And I was scared. Mostly because I'd been feeling some profound discomfort in one of my two remaining wisdom teeth.

Turns out, it was nothing. I had a routine (though hour-long) cleaning. My hygienist found no major issues, and didn't even go through the interminable 1-2-7-4-3-5 gum measurement thingy. But I'm not out of the woods. I still have to go back in three months. And my insurance might not cover it. And I still wonder if I got a fast one over on Betsy, who didn't ask if I'd had any trouble or pain (which I did not volunteer). Meanwhile, I'll be flossing, brushing and rinsing like there is no tomorrow.