Lawrence O'Donnell Rewrites Kentucky's "Noah's Ark" Theme Park

Who knew there were cranes in Noah's day? Image from Inquisitr.

Oh, this is good. As an atheist, it's not often you get something this good from a religious person. And Lawrence O'Donnell is a good (though perhaps not devout) Catholic. Like me, he has a few problems with some of the Bible's wackier stories, notably the one about Noah's Ark.

The Noah story figured prominently in my slide into atheism. In my confirmation classes, it was clear that everyone around me took Genesis, up to that point, as literal truth. I was having enough trouble with that, but Noah's Ark? Plot holes you can drive an ocean liner through. It cannot be taken as a literal story, unless one is a child, one hasn't really thought about the story since he was a child, or with an economy-sized tub of faith spackle.

So anyway, they're building a theme park in Kentucky, based around the Noah story, complete with a "replica" of the ark. Kentucky is apparently going to give this entirely religious production millions of dollars worth of tax credits. To a heathen like me, this is very irritating. So, I was relieved to find Lawrence on my side. And his piece is also quite entertaining. Especially his pronunciation of "Ark Park."
 

On The Alleged Biblically Ordained "One Man, One Woman Marriage"

From The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell comes this deliciously entertaining rip on conservatives, and their desperate attempt to claim that "one man/one woman marriage" is Biblically ordained. Forget that what the Bible says should be utterly irrelevant as it pertains to civil law, and civil marriage. The problem is, such a thing is not made clear within the Bible. Certainly not in The Ten Commandments as doofus Texas Governor Rick Perry states. In fact, the Bible is chock-a-block with appalling examples of marriage, not to mention polygamy and the like. Adam and Eve (genetically clones, raising all sorts of gender questions) aren't depicted having a wedding, and they had to have spawned incestuous kids, and/or spawned with them. Anyway, Lawrence does a fine job pointing all of this out.

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Crazy Creationists: Dinosaurs Fled the Flood!

Last night I posted a piece about Mitt Romney' literal belief in his wacky religion. And, I noted that as an atheist, I find 'em all wacky, so I'm not so much singling Mormonism out, as I am saying it's just extra special goofy. But Mitt's not alone in his belief in unbelievable things.

Somehow, I got on the Creation Ministries International mailing list. And these folks are literal believers in the book of Genesis. Just FYI, that's the book that set me on the road to atheism, because it was taught to me at the same time as freshman Earth science. Guess which book won? Anyway, Genesis is chock full of ridiculous things that only the deeply deluded could believe are literal. From the "firmament" to the items set into it, from the cleanliness rules to the list of sacrificial requirements, from the conflicting dual creation stories to there being light before there was a light source? All of it is frankly unbelievable.


























But nothing is more ridiculous than the flood story. Forget that there are (again) two conflicting Noah's Ark stories, and different numbers of animals in each. There are problems with the size of the boat. There are problems with the technology of building such a boat. There's the problem of how every kind of animal got to the middle east, and then re-dispersed themselves back to from whence they came. There are the uncomfortable facts about feeding and housing these animals for such an extended period, and what they would do about the waste. How did they keep the animals from eating each other, or the humans? How did they transport the bacteria, viruses, insects, arachnids and amoeba? How did the sealife and freshwater animals survive in the stirred up, seawater/rainwater/sediment-filled water? How did plantlife and fungi survive submerged for 100 days? And we're not even talking about where the water came from, and where it went! Why would an "all-loving" god murder his "children," no matter how disobedient they were?

Creation Museum folly. Image from Bay-of-Fundie.com

On top of this is the question of dinosaurs. Why doesn't the Bible mention dinosaurs? Well, some try to parlay allusions of "dragons" and whatnot into dinosaurs, but it's a stretch. It actually makes the bible sound more like a bunch of fables to me. So, the question is, if man coexisted with dinosaurs, why do they get such scant coverage in the Bible? Why weren't they on the Ark? Did Noah take dinosaur eggs, rather than full-grown T-Rexes and Stegosauri? Why isn't it mentioned?

Obviously, it isn't mentioned, because the writer(s) of Genesis never heard of dinosaurs, and thus couldn't write about them. They didn't realize that the sun is the source of our light, so they could say it was created after light. They didn't know how clouds, the atmosphere, the orbits of the moon and planets, or stars in the universe worked, so they made crap up about the celestial bodies being placed in a bowl that separated the waters of heaven and earth. There are so many, countless, obvious problems with Genesis, an irreligious person like me just stands with my mouth agape. How can any adult take these fairy tales seriously?

And then I get my latest installment of further attempts at devising a narative that makes sense out of a book that really doesn't.  You know what I liken groups like Christian Ministries International to? I liken them to Rankin-Bass. You know, the studio that made such holiday classics as, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and The Year Without a Santa Claus. In those holiday specials, they took all of the implausibilities in the Santa Claus story, and explained them in such a way as to keep kids believing it just a little while longer. And as kids, we wanted to believe. That's all this foolishness is.

If you are interested (and I hope it's only for amusement value), you can find this group here: Christian Ministries International.

Bible Museum Planned for Washington, DC

This is what happens when you combine "religion"
with "museum." Image from Skeptical Raptor's Blog.

As an atheist, it's difficult to express exasperation without resorting to phrases like, "Oh, God!" or even the substitute phrases, like "Gee whiz!" It's so ingrained in our language, it just comes out. So, when I told The Other Half that they were building a Bible Museum in Washington, DC, I wasn't surprised to hear him exclaim, "Jesus Christ! Well won't that be exciting!"

I'm already very offended by the level of religiosity in our government, in our laws. I manage to shrug my shoulders at "In God We Trust" on the money--even though it is obviously un-Constitutional. I wasn't happy, even as a kid, when I had to say "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. I cringe when I hear a president (any president) go overboard on religion, though I roll with the "God bless the United States of America." 

So, in our nation's capital, a city that is itself practically a museum, with its many monuments and historic buildings, the Capitol, the White House. . .The Smithsonian, for God's goodness crying out loud! . . .do we really need a Bible Museum? How does that work anyway? The entire book is unprovable and unproven. There are no exhibits of actual biblical events, because there are no genuine biblical artifacts! I just hate a collection of religious superstitious folklore being put in the same category with actual museums.


[Excerpt]


Bible museum planned for Washington, D.C.

A large-scale Bible museum will open in Washington, D.C., within four years, say planners who have been touring the world with portions of their collection. . .

Read more at: Washington Post

God Writes His Memoirs: The Last Testament

Image from source, Gawker

As an atheistic agnostic, I've always wondered why God supposedly talked and interacted with people in the Old Testament, but doesn't anymore. And yet God is "unchanging." And why does the accounting of God and his son, Jesus end two thousand years ago. God didn't have anything left to say? He didn't have an opinion on say, the Spanish Inquisition? It's a logical problem that has never adequately been explained to me.

But what if God came out with Book Three? 

[Excerpt]


God Really Did Create Adam and Steve

We've all heard members of the religious right rambling their silly, anti-gay slogan, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Well, on this National Coming Out Day, God is coming clean and admitting they're wrong: He did, in fact, create Adam and Steve.  . .


Read more at: Gawker

Are All Religions Equally Crazy?

"Excuse me, miss. I'm Adam. Have you seen a guy
named Steve anywhere?" Image from AlterNet

Good morning! Why aren't you in church? I'm kidding. outside of funerals and weddings, I haven't been to church since ninth grade. See, I had the good timing to be taking weekly confirmation classes at a Lutheran church during about exactly the same time when I was a) recognizing my sexuality and b) taking freshman earth science. The intersection of these three things combined to form a hell of a lot of internal dialog, as you might imagine. Mostly what it inspired was a whole bunch of "outside the box" thinking.

Long story short, I did not get "confirmed" into the Lutheran faith along with my friends, because I didn't believe what I was being taught. It quite simply struck me as absurd. And I wasn't going to play along to get along. "Faking it" seemed a worse "sin" than actual disbelief. And any worry about sin quickly faded after that.

The wacky things that threw me off the faith path were mostly in Genesis and Leviticus. There's stuff in there that even the most literal fundamentalist can't really believe. But most of us have heard the standard Christian (and by extension, Jewish) stuff for so long, even the loopiest stuff starts to seem normal, or at least we don't think about it much. But to an outsider, just how crazy do virgin births and 900-year-old people sound? Exactly.

[Excerpt]

Are All Religions Equally Crazy?

Does any religion make more sense than any other?



Atheists, by definition, don't think any religion has any reasonable likelihood of being true. And yet, for some weird reason, we're often asked to choose between them. Believers often accuse us of ignoring more moderate and progressive religions while we trash the low-hanging fruit of hard-line fundamentalism. . .

Read more at: AlterNet
 
Thanks to StupidMonkeyPlanet for the link

Noah's Ark Found?

Image from Moronail.net

I found this story to be kind of deja vu. Hasn't Noah's Ark already been found, maybe a couple of times?  Actually, things that people claimed were remnants of the ark have been found. As an agnostic, I am of course open to the possibility, but by my nature am extremely dubious.

Mostly because the story of Noah is right up there in my top five for utterly ridiculous Bible stories.  Scientifically speaking, the likelihood of any of the story being literally true are virtually nil.  But forget that part.  This story claims that the ark dates to 4,800 years ago.  Sorry, but there are known civilizations older than that. Shoot, beer has been around longer than that. Fail.

[Excerpt]

'Noah's Ark' found in Turkey

A group of Chinese and Turkish evangelical explorers say they have found wooden remains on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey. . .

Read more: www.thesun.co.uk

Children of a Stupid God

It's been a long time since I wrote a post about my religion, or rather my lack of one. And I'm not really going to write much here. I don't need to, because Pat Condell, the guy in the video below, has said it all, and better than I could!

Now, fair warning, while this video is highly entertaining, it is not for the religious person who believes that one should never question religion. It is not for someone who skims the Bible, skipping the death and destruction and "vengeful God" portions, either. But if you want to get a little insight on why a person might be an atheist (or like me, a slightly reserved--but not much--agnostic), this guy will explain it pretty well.

Ten Commandments on a Sesame Seed Bun

Photo from source, WorldNetDaily.com

I'm not at all surprised by this story. I am agnostic, but I am fairly well versed in religion--particularly Christianity. I usually clean up in the Jeopardy! religion questions, even in double-jeopardy. But, if pressed, I'm positive that I couldn't name all of the ten commandments. Could you?

On the other hand, what's on a Big Mac? Without even looking it up, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun!" The Brady Bunch family members? Carol, Mike, Bobby, Peter, Greg, Marcia, Jan and Cindy. And let's not forget Alice the maid, and Tiger the dog.

But as an agnostic, the full list of the ten commandments is of little importance. I am aware that only a few of them have anything to do with morality. Most are just God on an ego-trip: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me!" Kinda makes you think that God is acknowledging the actual existence of other gods, doesn't it?

But, Christians allege that these are the fundamental building blocks of a moral life. Following the ten commandments isn't a suggestion, it's Christian law. Makes you wonder why more Christians aren't up on what the laws are then, doesn't it?

UPDATE: I just took the test, and got 90%. It's multiple choice, which helps. If you'd like to test your knowledge, click this link, and scroll to the bottom of the page: http://www.epicstoriesofthebible.com/challenge.php

[Excerpt]

Americans know Big Macs better than Ten Commandments

NEW YORK, (Reuters Life!) - How many of The Ten Commandments can you name? Put to the test, Americans recalled the seven ingredients of a McDonald's Big Mac hamburger and members of TV's "The Brady Bunch" more easily than the Bible's Ten Commandments.

A survey by Kelton Research found 80 percent of 1,000 respondents could name the burger's primary ingredient -- two all-beef patties -- but less than six in 10 knew the commandment "thou shalt not kill."

Read the rest at: Reuters.com

Or, if you like your news from the far right: WorldNetDaily.com