Louie Anderson on Countdown with Keith Olbermann on Airport Security

Please oh please let them scrap the "take off your shoes" policy! I'm already unassembled enough with my belt, watch, wallet, computer, glasses and everything else all in the tray.

Back to Vegas: Travelogue, Part the Fourth

Here I sit at Port Columbus International Airport (clever name, eh), with quite a bit of time left to kill before my flight. But with 19-degree weather, a bunch of snow on the ground, and much more falling, and a rental car to return, leaving early was a must. My stomach flu is mostly gone, though there are some rumblings of thunder down under to worry about.

At security, I had to first go through the naked porno scanner (arms up! everything out of your pockets?), then the pat-down (we meant everything. Yes, that includes Chap-Stick, tissue and paper money, not just metal!). But there was little to no line, so whatever. If they get their jollies passing around x-rays of this body, more power to 'em.

My appetite has returned, so I got a Chili's-to-Go chicken sammich and a Gatorade (to replenish) for $12 or something, and settled down and a pretty nifty Southwest computer counter. Nice touch that! So, short of a preemptive bathroom run, and maybe another Gatorade to take on the plane, I'm good to go, headed back to balmy (by comparison) Las Vegas!

Many thanks to my good friend Stupid Monkey Planet for filling in. It's good stuff, and this blog can always use a fresh perspective. Not sure how much if anything I'll get posted this evening, but I'll be back on Tuesday for sure.

Travelogue, Part the First

I sit here in the B terminal of McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, awaiting my 10:15 am departure to Columbus, Ohio. As instructed, we arrived 2 hours before departure. Having already printed my ticket at home, I checked my bag with the porter at the curb (2 minutes, max), and shuffled off to the security area.

There was almost no one in line at security, but just before I entered the queue, a Japanese group of at least 10 (with one straggler) edged in ahead of me. They spoke no English. The TSA man checking IDs (completely out of the wallet please) was cheery to the point of mania, singing a happy song, flamboyantly. I mean hello, sister (I've got teh gay, so I can say that). There was also no nekkid scanner for me to go through, no pat downs. One of the Japanese group--an old woman--was pulled for a "random," and one of the men was oblivious to a request for a baggage check.

Anyway, I got through in record time, maybe 10, 15 minutes total? So, I have time to kill. And time to reflect upon the indignities one has to suffer, even with the "basic" TSA procedure.  Here's just what I had to do.

- Manage my coat and computer bag (on wheels).
- Remove my ID and boarding pass, and have them at hand.
- Take off wedding ring, belt, watch, phone, and put them somewhere.
- Take off shoes.
- Waddle to scanning area, where I have to put shoes, coat, all removed items, and removed computer into two bins, plus the bag itself.
- Go through scanner, whilst belongings go through different scanner.
- Wait for belongings whilst TSA agent tries in vain to get Japanese man to answer him.
- Gather two bins and bag, and shamble to a place to put myself back together.
- Put on: wedding ring, belt, watch, phone clip, shoes.
- Put computer back in bag.
- Sigh deeply, and walk to gate.

This is always a bitch, is never elegant or graceful, and though it was quick this time, I hate every second of it. Oh for the porno scanner or the groping by a TSA hottie. That might have balanced things!

The TSA Explaining Room

Funny!



Found at: AmericaBlog

TSA: No Body Cavity Searches

Yeah, for now. Everyone practice their toe-touches, just in case.

Has the TSA Gone Too Far?

Image from Passport Magazine

I have to fly to Ohio in a few weeks, and so I likely will have the option of either the naked body scan or the full-on groping by the TSA.  I likely will just go through the scanner--though the radiation worries me a bit--but the groping wouldn't bother me. I'm old enough now to have had a doctor staring up my butt, so I don't embarrass easily anymore. But I am a little offended that we must subject ourselves by law to these indignities for the privilege of flying.

It's easy to refer to people who object to these measures as whiners. But are they? I for one loathe being treated as a potential criminal or terrorist. Take for example the practice of many stores that insist upon seeing your receipt before you exit a store. At a Sam's Club or Costco, I get it. It's a club, you're a member, and you play by their rules. But at a Wal-Mart, Best Buy or Fry's? Why do they need to see my receipt, I'm not a thief. I resent being treated as though I might be.

And while I may have no issues being photographed naked, or being fondled by a TSA agent, it is easy to think of scenarios where a person could be traumatized by such a thing. How about a rape victim? An incest survivor? How about a person who has a phobia about being touched? And let's not forget that the cut-off age for the search is twelve years old. That means pre- and current pubescent children are being handled this way. I don't know about you, but I know that I was extremely self-conscious about my body at thirteen years old.

On top of all of this, the procedures themselves aren't even known to be effective. How many potential terrorists have been stopped by the TSA anyway? Wouldn't it be front page news? I know that the dozens of times I've had to remove my belt, shoes, ring, watch and pocket contents have always made me grumble, because it's a pain in the ass, and because I always suspected that it was all theater. Just there to make us feel safe.  Still, some people will insist that it is necessary, and if we want to be safe in flight, we must submit to such indignities.

Hmm. Funny. I live in Las Vegas, tourism capital of the world. We have innumerable targets for destruction here on the ground. If I want to go play the penny slots, should I have to go through a similar procedure at the MGM Grand? How about at Hoover Dam? Disneyland maybe? Are airplanes the terrorists' only targets?

Now that we've acquiesced to this massive change to the security procedures, are we going to stop here? I mean--and I know I'm not the first to posit this--what if a terrorist decides to pack his bomb making materials into his nether regions?  This new procedure was enacted due to the underpants bomber, so I suppose if we get a suppository bomber, we're going to have to bend over and spread 'em? Tell me why that notion would not come to pass, based on what has come before.

The excerpted story below indicates just one horrifying encounter with the new TSA procedures. Another involved a cancer survivor who was forced to present her prosthetic breast to the agent. This procedure is new, and those two examples are likely only the tip of the iceberg.

[Excerpt]

TSA pat-down leaves traveler covered in urine



A retired special education teacher on his way to a wedding in Orlando, Fla., said he was left humiliated, crying and covered with his own urine after an enhanced pat-down by TSA officers recently at Detroit Metropolitan Airport. . .
 
Read more at: MSNBC

Full-Body Scanners Violate Child Porn Laws?

Image from source, Raw Story

Wow, talk about your unintended consequences! And if they exempt kids, all those terrorists need to do is enlist their own 21 Jump Street program. Yikes!

[Excerpt]

Body scanners run afoul of UK child pornography laws

It has been said that terrorism is a zero-sum game. But try telling that to the manufacturers of three dimensional body scanners, the use of which at airports worldwide is set to soar after the failed bombing of a Christmas day flight into Detroit.

In the United Kingdom, however, a proposed "gradual" introduction of devices which take nude photos of their subjects has run afoul of child pornography law, according to British newspaper The Guardian. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

Sen. David Vitter Flips Out at Airport

Photo from source, Raw Story

Don't you just hate it when a celebrity or politician pulls the "Do you know who I am?" card to try to get his way, or get out of something? Sen. Larry Craig (R-Of Course) tried it to get out of his bathroom arrest. And now, Sen. David "Adult Diaper" Vitter (R-You Betcha) has tried the same thing to get out of causing disruption at an airport. Well, at least it had nothing to do with prostitutes this time.

[Excerpt]

GOP senator flips out at airline, sets off security alarm

. . .After missing a flight last Thursday from Washington to New Orleans,Louisiana Sen. David Vitter opened an armed security door and went off on a United Airlines employee, according to a report filed Wednesday by (paid-restricted) Roll Call. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

Is That a Gun in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Image from Air America Radio

Exhibitionists rejoice! You could be appearing nude--legally--at an airport near you! I don't know how I personally feel about it, exactly. But if your screener pulls you out of line for a random frisking, be very suspicious!

[Excerpt]

Machine gives x-ray vision

They show a female in the left two images and a male on the right.

But the x-ray vision machine penetrates clothing leaving little to the imagination. . .

Read more at: The Sun

X-Rated Security Screenings at the Airport?

Image from source, CBS 2 Chicago

We've long accepted a complete lack of Constitutional rights at the airport. People who've travelled more than a few times already have the drill down: Take off your belt, your watch, your shoes; take your computer out of its case; get out your ID and ticket; put everything through the machine, and if you're lucky, gather all your stuff and waddle over to the chairs to put everything back.

But sometimes we're not so lucky. We get pulled out of line, our bags get ransacked, we're wanded. . .ooh! But sometimes it gets more serious than that.

[Excerpt]

Fliers Complain About X-Rated Security Screenings

When travelers go to the airport, they know what kind of security to expect: luggage searches, metal detectors and shoe inspections. It's all part of our post 9-11 reality enforced by the Transportation Security Adminstration.

But as CBS 2 Investigator Pam Zekman reports, thousands of travelers have complained that some of these screenings can become abusive and even x-rated. For arguing with a TSA agent, Robin Kassner wound up being slammed to the floor. She's filed a lawsuit. . .

Read more (with video) at: CBS 2 Chicago

Bomb Parts Passed Airport Screenings

Photo from source, AFP

I just got back from a vacation across the country, and had the now familiar experience with airline security. I now dutifully remove all elements of metal from my body and put it in my carry-on, including my belt, watch, phone, keys and change. I then take off my shoes and jacket, and have them ready to run through the machine. I don't take any fluids (other than those within my body), and I make my effort not to beep when I go through the machine.

I had two direct flights, and followed this routine, but not without incident. On both trips through security, I was detained while the TSA searched my carry-on. They went through everything, from the afore-mentioned items, to my video player, MP3 player and--yes--my cans of Skyline Chili. They even commented on the coconut macaroons I brought back from LaChatelaine in Columbus.

All of that effort wasted, and then we get this:

[Excerpt]

Bomb parts passed US airport screenings: report

US undercover investigators successfully carried bomb-making material across security checkpoints during tests at 19 US airports earlier this year, a government report said Wednesday.

The Government Accountability Office report said agents were able to clear Transportation Security Administration checkpoints with components for making several improvised explosive devices (IED) or an improvised incendiary device (IID).

The two investigators concealed the materials in their carry-on luggage and on their persons. . .

Read the rest at: AFP

More Big Brother: TSA Monitoring Body Language

No, this isn't a follow-up to my post on the TV version of Big Brother, but the Orwellian variety. Earlier, I ran a piece on technology being developed at the behest of the Department of Homeland Security that could read body language and facial expressions. Well, I guess they couldn't wait, because TSA agents are now being trained to do just that.

[Excerpt]

TSA agents watch suspicious body language

New airport agents have been trained to check for bad intentions in travelers' facial expressions.

BY KAITLIN DIRRIG

WASHINGTON -- Next time you go to the airport, there may be more eyes on you than you notice.

Specially trained security personnel are watching body language and facial cues of passengers for signs of bad intentions. The watcher could be the attendant who hands you the tray for your laptop or the one standing behind the ticket-checker. Or the one next to the curbside baggage attendant.

They're called behavior detection officers, and they're part of several recent security upgrades, Transportation Security Administrator Kip Hawley told an aviation industry group in Washington last month. He described them as ``a wonderful tool to be able to identify and do risk management prior to somebody coming into the airport or approaching the crowded checkpoint.''

Read more at: MiamiHerald.com