Travelogue, Part the First

I sit here in the B terminal of McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, awaiting my 10:15 am departure to Columbus, Ohio. As instructed, we arrived 2 hours before departure. Having already printed my ticket at home, I checked my bag with the porter at the curb (2 minutes, max), and shuffled off to the security area.

There was almost no one in line at security, but just before I entered the queue, a Japanese group of at least 10 (with one straggler) edged in ahead of me. They spoke no English. The TSA man checking IDs (completely out of the wallet please) was cheery to the point of mania, singing a happy song, flamboyantly. I mean hello, sister (I've got teh gay, so I can say that). There was also no nekkid scanner for me to go through, no pat downs. One of the Japanese group--an old woman--was pulled for a "random," and one of the men was oblivious to a request for a baggage check.

Anyway, I got through in record time, maybe 10, 15 minutes total? So, I have time to kill. And time to reflect upon the indignities one has to suffer, even with the "basic" TSA procedure.  Here's just what I had to do.

- Manage my coat and computer bag (on wheels).
- Remove my ID and boarding pass, and have them at hand.
- Take off wedding ring, belt, watch, phone, and put them somewhere.
- Take off shoes.
- Waddle to scanning area, where I have to put shoes, coat, all removed items, and removed computer into two bins, plus the bag itself.
- Go through scanner, whilst belongings go through different scanner.
- Wait for belongings whilst TSA agent tries in vain to get Japanese man to answer him.
- Gather two bins and bag, and shamble to a place to put myself back together.
- Put on: wedding ring, belt, watch, phone clip, shoes.
- Put computer back in bag.
- Sigh deeply, and walk to gate.

This is always a bitch, is never elegant or graceful, and though it was quick this time, I hate every second of it. Oh for the porno scanner or the groping by a TSA hottie. That might have balanced things!