David Petraeus Resigning CIA Post, Extramarital Affair

Image from source, CNN

Whoa.

[Excerpt]

Source: CIA director David Petraeus submits resignation over extramarital affair

Petraeus issued a statement announcing his resignation, saying, "After being married for over 37 years, I showed extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair. "Such behavior is unacceptable, both as a husband and as the leader of an organization such as ours. This afternoon, the president graciously accepted my resignation. . ."

Read more at: CNN

Old Video of Callista & Newt Gingrich Discovered!

Okay, so it's Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. Pot-ay-to, po-tah-to!

Newt Gingrich Can Do All Three! Wives? Mistresses?

Newt with bug-eyed, helmet-haired Calista, former
mistress, most recent wife. Image from ScrapeTV.

Newt Gingrich inspired a gag reflex in me all the way back in the mid-90s, when he shut down the government. He was responsible for the birth of the current hyper-partisanship we may never dig out from under. He was responsible for the phrase "whiny titty baby," I'm pretty sure.

Newt is a thoroughly unlikable, doughy, pant-load (™The Stephanie Miller Show). So, the fact that Newt may win South Carolina. . .and even have the possibility of winning the GOP nomination is stunning. This man was shamed out of the speakership, and had to pay a six-figure fine. Since then, he's used various scams to enrich himself. He's married to the chick he was boffing when he was married to his second wife, who he was boffing when he was married to his first wife!

One of the deepest mysteries in life is the fact that Newt Gingrich (and one of his latest defenders, Rush Limbaugh) can be so hypersexual as to leave a trail of broken marriages and mistresses. And these are just the women we know about. Can you imagine lining up to be the next gal to make it with Newt (or Rush)? That is a lot of man-boob to lie beneath. >shudder<

Anyway, here's Newtie Patootie's latest stupid ad, where he says he can "do all three." Yay.

Newt Gingrich Signs No Adultery Pledge

This picture is BEGGING for a word balloon.
Image from source, Raw Story

Irony, thy name is Newt. Wait, that means starting now right?

[Excerpt]

Gingrich signs pledge forbidding adultery

New GOP frontrunner Newt Gingrich has signed a pledge from Iowa social conservative group The Family Leader that forbids committing adultery, according to the political blog The Iowa Republican. . .

Read more at: The Raw Story

Herman Cain, We're Going to Miss You

Time to cross Herman Cain of of the list. And maybe a couple of others. There are people pictured at left that I don't even remember the names of, only that they declared their candidacy. I think the guy on the bottom right is Fred Karger, the gay Republican candidate. Like that'll happen.

The funny thing about losing Herman, is the allegation that this was "done to him" by the left. Phooey. There were what, seven women? And corroboration from people who were there? Cell phone records? And he pulls the plug only after he goes home to talk to his wife. I don't know if this all happened organically, or if there were political maneuverings behind the scenes. But it seems much, much more likely to me that Cain's Republican opponents, or operatives like Karl Rove would be behind this. This would be right up Rove's skeevy alley.

And I was so looking forward to an opposition commercial based on Herman's Head. Oh, well.

Iowa's New Favorite: Newt Gingrich?

Ron Paul would make more sense than Gingrich. Image from HuffPo

So, after going through a list that sounds like a comedy troupe: Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain, it's come to this. In a place that is ruled more and more by the Christian right, the Iowa Republican caucus-goers' favorite is Newt Gingrich? A man who was disgraced out of office for ethical violations. A man who had to pay a six-figure fine for those violations. A man who has cheated on successive wives with their replacement? Worse, a man who has worked for a common cause with--wait for it--Nancy (Gasp!) Pelosi? What is this party coming to? And why haven't Jon Huntsman or Rick (don't Google me, bro) Santorum gotten their chance in the spotlight?

[Excerpt]


Newt Gingrich's Rise Continues, Ron Paul Second, Romney Third In Iowa: Des Moines Register Poll 

Eighteen years after he led Republicans to an unexpected takeover of the House of Representatives, Newt Gingrich looks increasingly poised to engineer yet another improbable election win. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Breaking News: Herman Cain Drops Out of the 2012 Race

If you drop out of the race, blame yo'self!
Image from MSNBC

Don't worry, there's plenty of nuttiness left in the GOP clown car. And don't be fooled by the "suspension" of Hermie's campaign. That's just so he can keep fundraising to pay off debts. He's done, caput, over and done. Toast.

I was surprised to see Mrs. Gloria Cain in the background applauding. I'd love to know what wast twirling around in her head.

[Excerpt]


Cain suspends campaign


Herman Cain said Saturday that he is suspending his bid for the Republican presidential nomination, choosing to end his campaign after weathering weeks of scrutiny over alleged sexual misconduct and accusations of an extramarital affair. . .

 Read more at: MSNBC

Lawrence O'Donnell Interviews Ginger White (Cain's Alleged Mistress)

I watched this, and actually, I have to say. . .maybe the interview was a bit too long, and a bit too "breaking news." Herman Cain's presidential aspirations were likely never realistic or even wanted, if I had to guess. He's pumping up his resume for book sales and speaking fees. As Herm himself has said, "Now, I don't have facts to back this up. . ." but I believe Ginger White.

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Herman Cain: I Need a Lover That Won't Call a Press Conference

More comedy gold from Mike in Raleigh, contributor to The Stephanie Miller show.

I Need A Lover That Won't Call A Press Conference by Mike In Raleigh

Herman Cain Accused of 13-Year Affair

"Where all the White women at?"
(It's funny because her name is Ginger White)

If you get caught with a long-term mistress, blame yo'self!

[Excerpt]

Herman Cain denies allegation of 13-year affair

Herman Cain, whose status as a GOP presidential front-runner had already been rocked by allegations of sexual harassment, denied Monday that he'd had a 13-year, consensual affair with an Atlanta businesswoman. . .

Read more at: Los Angeles Times

Former Presidential Hopeful John Edwards Indicted

Image from source, New York Times

More than four years ago, the Democratic field for the 2008 presidential campaign was very strong. Late in March 2007, I went with my friend Stupid Monkey Planet to an SEIU event here in Las Vegas featuring all of the candidates: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Chris Dodd, Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich (?) and John Edwards. This was right after Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, announced the relapse of her cancer, and all eyes (and cameras) were on the couple. The Monkey and I were right behind her in the bleachers, so we even ended up in the video of the event.

At the time, it was clear that Edwards, Obama and Clinton were the three it was going to boil down to. Obama was impressive with his intelligence and unscripted answers to questions (asked by Margaret Carlson, I think), and no, there was no teleprompter. Clinton worked the crowd like a pro, and really wowed me. But Edwards was my choice after that day. There was something so earnest, so sincere about him. And there was my empathy for Elizabeth, and let's face it, Edwards cut a dashing figure. I could really picture him as president. Then, he turned out to be a scumbucket. And the Democratic Party really dodged a warhead, didn't they?

[Excerpt]

Edwards Indicted in Campaign Fund Case

John Edwards, the former senator from North Carolina and presidential candidate, was indicted Friday morning by a grand jury in Raleigh on charges that he violated campaign finance law during his 2008 presidential campaign. . .

Read more at: New York Times

Wisconsin Legislator Lives Outside District With Mistress

Shame? Doubtful they have any.
Image from source, Raw Story

This is very funny. One of those Republican State Senators from Wisconsin is in a bit of a pickle. He doesn't live in the appropriate district. He's got a mistress. And his wife and maid are signing his recall petition! Hilarious!

[Excerpt]

WI Repub lives outside district with mistress, says wife



Protesters who marched at the home of Wisconsin state senator Randy Hopper (R-Fond du Lac) were met with something of a surprise on Saturday. Mrs. Hopper appeared at the door and informed them that Sen. Hopper was no longer in residence at this address, but now lives in Madison, WI with his 25-year-old mistress. . .
 
Read more at: Raw Story

Lawrence O'Donnell Rewrites Newt Gingrich's Adultery Confession

Newt Gingrich is allegedly mulling a run for the presidency. He's been threatening to for many, many years, so I'm not sure we really need to take it seriously. But as unpopular, unattractive, unlikeable and skeleton-riddled as Newt is, it looks like he's doing more than sticking a toe into the water. He recently appeared on Pat Robertson's The 700 Club, baring is soul, and coming clean about his past. Well, no, not really. He was very dodgy and sketchy about the details. Particularly about the fact that if Newt won, our first lady would have begun her relationship with the President in an adulterous affair.

It's hard to wrap your brain around Newt's ability to ensnare three wives at any age. But in his "confessional", he tries very hard to imply that since he's in his late 60s now, he's so unattractive that he wouldn't be doing any of that skirt-chasing anymore. Thankfully, The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell put Newt's little mea culpa into their Rewrite segment. It's very, very funny.

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GOP Sex Scandal: Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) Goes Topless!

Image of Rep. Sexypants from source, AOL News

There are bigger fish than this low-on-the-totem-pole House Republican. But he baited and set the hook himself, and threw himself into the boat. I know little about him, other than if you were looking for a date on the internet, you could do worse (I'm just saying). The surprising thing here is that Lee resigned only hours after first denying (someone hacked my computer!) the event. I suppose he was having a hard time figuring out a story to go with his half-naked self portrait. Or maybe there was more to be discovered, and he just didn't want to go down that road.

Immediately, some conservatives started sputtering that of course he resigned, he's a Republican! Why, a Democrat wouldn't just stay in office, he'd be championed for it!  Well, before you guys get all high-horsey here, don't forget:

- Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), my Nevada Senator, currently fundraising for re-election.
- Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), caught soliciting hookers, received applause in the House chamber!
- Sen. Larry Craig (R-WY), served out his term after his wide stance was discovered in a restroom.

And many, many others. This is an activity performed by men of all political persuasions. The difference is, the right side of the aisle regularly claims a moral superiority, and wants to legislate other people's behavior.

[Excerpt]

New York Rep. Chris Lee Resigns Over Craigslist Dating Ad and Sexy Photo



What started last month with an anonymous woman's Craigslist dating search for men who don't "look like toads" ended Wednesday with the resignation of two-term Rep. Christopher Lee, R-N.Y., a married father who passed himself off as a divorced lobbyist when he sent her a topless muscle photo of himself. . .
 
Read more at: AOL News

Maddow: Sen. John Ensign Scandal Widens

I know that Rachel Maddow has become my "go to" gal for blog posts about Senator John Ensign. But it's because she is so succinct--and snarky--in her explanations. Also, the freeze frame of Senator Hairdo is great.

More on the Wanda Sykes Faux Outrage

Image from CBCNews

I had another thought on the Wanda Sykes/Rush Limbaugh faux outrage story. While reading some of the ludicrous bloviating on some of the right-wing blogs, I ran across a common theme.

Some would comment that they knew somebody who experienced kidney failure, and how horrible it was of Sykes to invoke these painful realities. To these people--giving them the benefit of the doubt that their stories are true--I cast no dispersions aspersions about their personal stories. I find no humor in actual kidney failure. But their "pain" is felt by countless others for countless reasons.

If you know somebody who has been a victim of heart trouble, cancer, suicide--or hell even something less physically troubling like adultery--you've been in the exact situation. It will suddenly seem like every TV program has a story about it. Even comedy programs, or stand-up specials will suddenly feel like they apply to your situation. It just happens.

Now, Sykes was very likely not wishing an actual physical malady onto Limbaugh. She was completing a joke that was the counterpart to Limbaugh wishing for President Obama's agenda to fail. She needed something about Limbaugh to fail, and she picked "kidney failure" as her stinger. She could have picked anything.

I'm no comedy writer, but I'll take a stab at it:

"Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to fail? Well, I want his penis to fail! Wait, it already did! That's why he needed the Viagra!"

Now tell me honestly, do you really think that would have attracted any more or less faux outrage than Sykes' actual routine?