For Those Who Still Want to Secede: GlennBeckistan!

Or if you're a Herman Cain fan, GlennBeki-Beki-Stan-Stan!. This is from the wonderfully talented Kenny Pick, often heard on The Stephanie Miller Show.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

Click to embiggen.

For at least the past year, and actually for the better part of the last two, we've had campaigns up and running for a Presidential election looming on the horizon. For most of that time, the election felt distant, and the early squabbles of the GOP primary fight felt way too early. Think back to those days: Donald Trump pretending he was going to run. Sarah Palin teasing her easily teased fans (for big bucks, it would seem). There was a whole clown car's worth of both declared and potential candidates. Early on, I started a graphic that added candidates as they either declared, or whose profiles rose to the point of serious discussion. I put a green check mark on those who officially threw their hats into the ring, and then a red X as they either dropped out, declined to run, or were defeated in the primary.

So, I decided to update my photo chart, with the entirely checked off list. Happily, there are no green check marks left to be found. Some of these people are so obscure, even I forget who they are!

And for the first time in a long time, we have a Monday without this looming event on our horizon. We have at least two years before we much have to think about 2016, except in the broad abstract. 2014 will come much sooner than that. But for now, our long national nightmare is over!

Herman Cain, Radio Star

Image from Mediaite

Annnnd, the first cast-off from the GOP primary clown show to cash in is? Herman Cain! Second- (third-?) string right-wing radio host Neal Boortz is retiring, and Captain 9-9-9 is taking his microphone! Next, I expect Rick Santorum to get his own show on FOX "News," and Michele and Marcus Bachmann to get a song-and-dance variety show on Logo!

[Excerpt]


Radio Host Neal Boortz To Retire, Will Be Replaced By Herman Cain

Long-time conservative radio talker Neal Boortz will announce his retirement today, according to a report. The announcement that contains Boortz’s retirement also says that former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain will replace him early next year. . .

Read more at: Mediaite

Herman Cain, a Rabbit, a Catapult and a Shot Gun

Did you think that Herman Cain walked a fine line between stupid and crazy, when he was on the campaign trail? We had no idea. It would seem that since he has been freed from the constraints of a national election, he can let his freak flag fly. CAIN!!!

Herman Cain Gives Tea Party Response to State of the Union

What? The "Tea Party," a loose amalgamation of conservatives who really, really don't like President Obama, gave another response to a State of the Union Address? A leaderless movement with a dwindling presence and decreasing relevance is responding to the President's address why exactly? And they picked Herman Cain, former GOP presidential candidate/performance artist to do it? Why?

Well, at least it isn't Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann, looking into the wrong camera this time.  


[Excerpt]


Herman Cain Delivers Tea Party Response To State Of The Union 




At the National Press Club tonight, former presidential hopeful Herman Cain delivered the official State Of The Union rebuttal on the behalf of the Tea Party, marking the second time the nascent conservative movement has fulfilled that role. But while Herman Cain improved on the performance of his predecessor, Michele Bachmann, and managed to deliver the standard Tea Party talking points against the Obama administration, he didn't do much to prove the necessity of a Tea Party rebuttal. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Over Time with Bill Maher, Jan. 13, 2012

Real Time with Bill Maher returned to HBO this past Friday. And none too soon, with the GOP presidential contenders in full, absurd swing. Bill's guests included Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, conservative David Frum, Alexandra Pelosi, Rob Reiner and Herman Cain by satellite. HBO doesn't allow posting the show, but here is the internet-only portion of the show, Over Time.

Ep. 233: January 13, 2012 - Overtime

Jon Stewart's Reaction to Barbara Walters' Reaction to Herman Cain

Gotta go to a Christmas party, so not much time for blogging. But this is worth it! Very funny. Jon Stewart dissects Barbara Walters' response to Herman Cain in an interview. Made of awesome.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Herman Cain: The Night I Groped Some Chicks in Town

Another hilarious one from Mike in Raleigh of The Stephanie Miller Show. This one is particularly clever. It's to the tune of Joan Baez's The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down (Virgil Caine is my name. . .). See? Clever.


The Night I Groped Some Chicks In Town - Update by Mike In Raleigh

Chris Matthews Laments GOP Clown Show

I don't usually watch Hardball with Chris Matthews, but if I get to the gym in time (and get a treadmill with a TV), I catch some of it. Monday night's show finished with a Let Me Finish. . . segment that I could have written. Matthews was spot on. There may now be one less clown in the race since Herman Cain dropped out. But now, with Donald Trump running a debate? C'mon. It's ridiculous. It's non-serious. It's buffoonish.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Herman Cain, We're Going to Miss You

Time to cross Herman Cain of of the list. And maybe a couple of others. There are people pictured at left that I don't even remember the names of, only that they declared their candidacy. I think the guy on the bottom right is Fred Karger, the gay Republican candidate. Like that'll happen.

The funny thing about losing Herman, is the allegation that this was "done to him" by the left. Phooey. There were what, seven women? And corroboration from people who were there? Cell phone records? And he pulls the plug only after he goes home to talk to his wife. I don't know if this all happened organically, or if there were political maneuverings behind the scenes. But it seems much, much more likely to me that Cain's Republican opponents, or operatives like Karl Rove would be behind this. This would be right up Rove's skeevy alley.

And I was so looking forward to an opposition commercial based on Herman's Head. Oh, well.

Breaking News: Herman Cain Drops Out of the 2012 Race

If you drop out of the race, blame yo'self!
Image from MSNBC

Don't worry, there's plenty of nuttiness left in the GOP clown car. And don't be fooled by the "suspension" of Hermie's campaign. That's just so he can keep fundraising to pay off debts. He's done, caput, over and done. Toast.

I was surprised to see Mrs. Gloria Cain in the background applauding. I'd love to know what wast twirling around in her head.

[Excerpt]


Cain suspends campaign


Herman Cain said Saturday that he is suspending his bid for the Republican presidential nomination, choosing to end his campaign after weathering weeks of scrutiny over alleged sexual misconduct and accusations of an extramarital affair. . .

 Read more at: MSNBC

"Women for Herman Cain" are Really Stock Photos

In my line of work as a sign designer, it isn't unusual to use stock photos, though I haven't much. Say you need some gorgeous pictures of specific food items for your buffet signs. Stock photos are the perfect answer. But why do so many politicians and political groups use stock photos? It isn't as galling as The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) using Obama rally pictures as their own, but it's close.

I'd also like to point out the badly kerned "Women" script. Check out where the "o" meets the "m". Sloppy.

[Excerpt]

'Women for Herman Cain' also women for cell phones, laptops, balloons, etc.

Herman Cain has found a way to revive Herman Cain's campaign: "Women For Cain" is an online national fellowship of women dedicated to helping elect Herman Cain as the next President of the United States. "Women for Cain" is also a stock photo festival of the highest order, and we can't resist playing along. . . 

Read more at: MaddowBlog

Lawrence O'Donnell Interviews Ginger White (Cain's Alleged Mistress)

I watched this, and actually, I have to say. . .maybe the interview was a bit too long, and a bit too "breaking news." Herman Cain's presidential aspirations were likely never realistic or even wanted, if I had to guess. He's pumping up his resume for book sales and speaking fees. As Herm himself has said, "Now, I don't have facts to back this up. . ." but I believe Ginger White.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Herman Cain: I Need a Lover That Won't Call a Press Conference

More comedy gold from Mike in Raleigh, contributor to The Stephanie Miller show.

I Need A Lover That Won't Call A Press Conference by Mike In Raleigh

Herman Cain Accused of 13-Year Affair

"Where all the White women at?"
(It's funny because her name is Ginger White)

If you get caught with a long-term mistress, blame yo'self!

[Excerpt]

Herman Cain denies allegation of 13-year affair

Herman Cain, whose status as a GOP presidential front-runner had already been rocked by allegations of sexual harassment, denied Monday that he'd had a 13-year, consensual affair with an Atlanta businesswoman. . .

Read more at: Los Angeles Times

Funny or Die: The 2012 Candidates Meet The Internet

This isn't brand new, but if I missed it, maybe you did too. Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link. It's hilarious (stay tuned to the end!).

Live Funny Or Die in 2012 from Darrell Hammond

What's Twirling Around in Herman's Head?

An Open Letter to the Republican Party

This letter, sadly, is not from me. It is from Hunter, a diarist at Daily Kos (found by way of VoenixRising). It is  a very straightforward, darkly funny but deadly serious call for sanity from the right side of the aisle. But I really doubt we'll get it.

[Excerpt]

Dear Republican Party

Republicans: We need to talk.

I know you and I don't see eye to eye on many things. We hang out with different crowds, we listen to different music, we have different interpretations of pretty much every event that has ever happened from the Big Bang onwards—but I'm worried about you. We, the whole of non-Republican America, are worried about you. Heck, I even know people in other countries that are worried about you. . .

. . .Your first serious non-Palin flirtation of this election cycle was with Michele Bachmann. Really? You could choose from among the ranks of the entire conservative movement, and you said "yeah, Michele Bachmann, I guess." I don't mean to be cruel, but that's when most of us realized that this little ideological obsession of yours had turned into a full-fledged, self-destructive addiction. You'd gone and cracked, right then and there. . .

Keep reading at: Daily Kos

Herman's Head

Source:

"Republicans Are Idiots And Arguing With Them Is A Waste Of Time!" by Addictinginfo.org

who will never be known for their subtlety!

Herman Cain Has Amazingly Stinky Brain Fart

Stalling for time doesn't work, if you just don't know the answer.
Image from source, TPM

If it hasn't dawned on you yet, the Herman Cain campaign was never supposed to be in first place. It was--much like Newt's effort--a way to sell books and raise his speaking fees. And though Cain's star was only one in a series of new GOP front-runners, he was in the lead for a comparatively long time.
 
At every stop, Cain either lies, spouts nonsense (9, 9, 9!), or just proves that he's not ready for prime time. Uz-becky-becky-stan-stan? But now, he's topped himself. Maybe topped them all.

[Excerpt]

Cain Chokes On Libya Question: ‘Got All This Stuff Twirling Around In My Head’

Herman Cain may have just had his Rick Perry “oops” moment.

In an interview with the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel editorial board, Cain was asked whether he agreed or not with President Obama’s decisions on Libya.

The beginning of Cain’s answer then gave the impression that he might have been working from rote memorization — and struggling to remember his lines. . .

Read more (with video) at: Talking Points Memo