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THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL (CDC)
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lecthem (pronounced "gonna re-elect them"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 7 years, despite having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Psychological and cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lecthem include, but are not limited to:
- Inability to accept responsibility for actions
- Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor
- Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado
- A strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior
- Chronic mangling of the English language
- Extreme cognitive dissonance
- Inability to incorporate new information
- Inability to tell the truth
- Pronounced xenophobia!
- Uncontrolled facial smirking
- Ignorance of geography and history
- Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies
The disease has been sweeping Washington DC, trailer parks, and the red states. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago from a Bush in Texas. . .