Just George W. Bush, Acting Goofy, at a FUNERAL

Michelle Obama trying gamely to play along with the goofball.

Politics is weird, and getting weirder. There are double-standards, and then there are stark, bold-letter, hypocritical double-standards, you know? I mean, think about what it must feel like to be these presidential contenders, listed with the thing that pretty much ended their chance to be president:

- Michael Dukakis: filmed driving a tank, wearing a helmet
- John Kerry: wore a hazmat suit at a science facility, went windsurfing that one time
- Howard Dean: screamed enthusiastically at a rally, magnified by a unidirectional microphone
- Al Gore: sighed audibly at a debate

Why is one of these things not like the other?

Yup. Almost universally, people would agree, those men's hopes of election were stopped by those little events. Matched up against the lengthy list of foibles, flubs, and downright outrageous things said and done by Donald Trump, they don't amount to anything. But that was it for them. For all the whining about there being a double-standard for Bill and Hillary Clinton, Trump seems to have a permanent "SKIP" UNO card when it comes to disqualifying events. Nothing shakes his base, and virtually nothing goes beyond a couple days in the news cycle, before they reset to default.

But here is another double-standard, and it goes to the double-standard for Clintons that is much more rarely addressed. For all of the certainty so many claim to have that the media and the system are "in the tank" for the Clintons, the fact is, they're held to a tougher standard than most. Making it more remarkable when they do manage to bounce back, or shrug off the brutal treatment they get. Case in point.

Bill Clinton was at a funeral for Sec. Ron Brown, and was seen on camera smiling and walking with someone. When he noticed a camera trained in his direction, he did what your grandmother would scold you to do: he wiped that smile off his face right quick, and tried to look somber. This was and remains fodder for right-wingers to this day, as an example of Clinton disingenuousness. When in fact, it's something probably anyone might do. Contrast that with yesterday's memorial for the police officers slain in Dallas this past week.



Presidents Bush and Barack Obama both gave stirring speeches. Dubya's was much shorter, obviously prepared for him, and rehearsed. And he couldn't help but keep his colloquial Texas twang. But it was fine. But check him out later, while holding hands with his much more mannered wife, and our current first lady (who, poor lady, is fairly trapped there with this goon) dancing around and acting goofy. At a funeral.

Think this will be brought up endlessly--or ever--by conservatives? Or even make more than a light ripple on the news before going down the memory hole?

My Funeral (A Fantasy)

I have this bizarre fantasy that only occurs to me at odd times, like that little period between waking and sleeping, when you're pondering weird crap, and you have odd swimming shapes before your eyes. The time when if you glance at your bedroom doorway, you can see the shape of a goblin or an alien. And that fantasy is how I'd like my funeral to go. See, I'm an atheist, and have been a non-believer for a very long time. I don't want prayer or Bible verses, or "spirituality"--whatever that is--at my memorial service.

So, what do I want? Well, I'm really not sure. I think maybe that should be decided by my husband, with maybe some input from my family. None of them think I'm religious, and none of them really are either. But back to my fantasy. I have this image of me all laid out in repose--looking far better than I ever have of course, studious glasses perched on my nose, a nice suit, half a smirk on my face. And as the mourners (scores of them of course) file by to pay their last respects, a soft music starts to play. It would be pleasant, but not necessarily identifiable, but would eventually segue into a song called One by One, by Cher. Naturally, right? I mean, I'm gay after all. It's a nice, gentle song about loving one another. Perfect for a funeral, right?



They can even splice the song for length, if necessary, to let the line file by. But at some point, I want another segue. I want a little dramatic lighting. I want the soft song to fade into the dance remix! Maybe even a disco ball, and spotlights! Pulsing lights to the pulsing beat, and the line is played off with a driving, fun, boogieing  send-off! I can see the last batch of mourners dancing, twirling by, filing out of the service with smiles on their faces, and a spring in their step!

I can't think of a better send-off!

President Obama's Speech at Arizona Memorial

I watched it. I think the President did an admirable job. But I'm a little more pessimistic than he wants me to be. For now, just watch.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Leslie Nielsen Has a Fantastic Sendoff

A funeral? What is it? It's a gathering of mourners, but that's not importan right now. But for Leslie Nielsen, it was a cocktail party.

Now that's the way to do it. And apparently the way he wanted it. Sign me up for one of the same. Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link.

[Excerpt]

Leslie Nielsen’s life celebrated at open-casket cocktail party



As the jazzy soundtrack of The Naked Gun blared on the speakers and Canadian mounties saluted, actor Leslie Nielsen’s coffin (above) was carried into Fort Lauderdale’s Lago Mar Resort Monday afternoon for a memorial billed as “Cocktails With Leslie and Barbaree. . .”
 
Read more at: Page2Live
 
And because it never gets old. . .  

Is it OK to Have Fun at a Funeral?

I have returned to Las Vegas after having attended my last funeral for a grandparent in Ohio. Grandma Lillie Belle Greenlee was 94 years old, and lived 17 years after the passing of Grandpa McKinley Roosevelt Greenlee, who died at 92 in 1992. She had a form of dementia that robbed her of her memories, but not of her personality. I don't think there was a single person on the planet who met her who didn't love her.

It was possible for me to get wistful, and briefly emotional, but this funeral was slightly different for me from others I've been to. Grandma lived a long life, but the past decade was unable to enjoy her family and friends. So there was a sort of comfort in knowing that whatever confusion she may have been experiencing has come to an end. Interestingly, the sadness was offset with the experience of being with most of my Dad's side of the family, possibly for the last time.

I'm a child of a very early divorce. Because of this, the paternal side of my family has never been as close as it could have been. But the occasion of the funeral allowed us to reunite, and to visit Grandma's farm one more time. It was rather surreal, and I felt like I was in an indie film, with jump-cuts to the past, and back to the present. I walked through Grandma's house with my cousin Becky, and flashed to the last time I spent the night at Grandma's as an adult: also with Becky. Our reunion was brief, and is unlikely to be repeated, but I had a very good time. Is that OK? I dunno.

Improv Everywhere: Best Funeral Ever

So what if it's inappropriate, it's clever and weird. That's enough to entertain me. In fact, this would be a cool business to start up. "Rent-a-Funeral," hired mourners for people with few friends. It could work!

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Airmen in the Rain: Impressive Video

Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link to this video of Air Force servicemen standing in the driving rain at a funeral. Their discipline is pretty impressive.

Return to Las Vegas

I'm back from my trip to Iowa for The Other Half's father's funeral. As I previously stated, the trip was an emotional event, and I was honored to be included in their family for such an unfortunate occurrence. Thankfully, The Other Half will be able to go back to further support his mom and other family members in just a couple of weeks.

On the home front, I've returned to the blog, and wish to thank Stupid Monkey Planet for his efforts in my stead. Feel free to contribute any time, Monkey, even when I'm home! A different perspective is always welcomed. The same goes for you, readers. I'd not only like to hear from you via comments and email, but if anyone out there has tips or stories of your own you'd like to share, I'd be more than willing to consider them. The more the merrier!

Despite a minor case of jet lag, I will endeavor to post several items this evening, to make up for my absence. Stay tuned.

A Message From the Heartland

Hey, this is your usual blog editor here, reporting from Iowa. The funeral and related family gathering events for The Other Half's father have mostly concluded. Up til now, there has been no time to blog, and it doesn't look like today is going to be any better until I get home this evening.

The event itself was most informative for this non-Catholic. First of all, the respect and admiration of his dad was enormous, and the outpouring of love quite remarkable. Also, the number of mourners was just amazing. If I gather a tenth of that number at my own passing, I'd consider myself quite lucky. I also got to absorb a bit of knowledge that I've never had about the ritual and tradition of that religion--all of which is quite fascinating.

It has been a learning experience, as well as an emotional one. The Other Half's family is such a collection of wonderful people, it would be impossible not to feel badly for them when they're feeling badly. And I'll miss his dad as well. I didn't get to know him as well as the rest of those gathered, but I had much the same assessment of him as all those I heard speak. A really terrific guy. Rest in peace, Joe!