Saturday, March 30, 2013

My Funeral (A Fantasy)

I have this bizarre fantasy that only occurs to me at odd times, like that little period between waking and sleeping, when you're pondering weird crap, and you have odd swimming shapes before your eyes. The time when if you glance at your bedroom doorway, you can see the shape of a goblin or an alien. And that fantasy is how I'd like my funeral to go. See, I'm an atheist, and have been a non-believer for a very long time. I don't want prayer or Bible verses, or "spirituality"--whatever that is--at my memorial service.

So, what do I want? Well, I'm really not sure. I think maybe that should be decided by my husband, with maybe some input from my family. None of them think I'm religious, and none of them really are either. But back to my fantasy. I have this image of me all laid out in repose--looking far better than I ever have of course, studious glasses perched on my nose, a nice suit, half a smirk on my face. And as the mourners (scores of them of course) file by to pay their last respects, a soft music starts to play. It would be pleasant, but not necessarily identifiable, but would eventually segue into a song called One by One, by Cher. Naturally, right? I mean, I'm gay after all. It's a nice, gentle song about loving one another. Perfect for a funeral, right?

They can even splice the song for length, if necessary, to let the line file by. But at some point, I want another segue. I want a little dramatic lighting. I want the soft song to fade into the dance remix! Maybe even a disco ball, and spotlights! Pulsing lights to the pulsing beat, and the line is played off with a driving, fun, boogieing  send-off! I can see the last batch of mourners dancing, twirling by, filing out of the service with smiles on their faces, and a spring in their step!

I can't think of a better send-off!


  1. I hope it doesn't happen for a long, long time.

  2. Thanks, Dan. But you know what? Cher will probably outlive me!


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