Rick Perry Bails Out of the 2016 GOP Clown Car

The Other Half was just telling me earlier today that he originally thought Rick Perry would be a contender, back in 2012. I thought the same, I thought he'd be more of a force. I was less worried about it this time, after his goofy performance four years ago. But for all the hype and buzz he used to have, he's the first one to have his torch snuffed out. Oops.

[Excerpt]

Rick Perry drops out of race for 2016 Republican presidential nomination

Former Texas governor Rick Perry has announced that he is dropping out of the race for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. Perry is first in the Republican field to exit the race. His campaign ran into financial trouble after he did not poll high enough to participate in the first presidential debate.
. . .

Read more at: The Guardian

Right Wing World Duggared: A Picture Speaks a Thousand (Yucky) Words

Something tells me there are a whole lot of conservatives purging their various social media, blog and website archives for anything  to do with a Duggar. But the internet is forever, and these photos will always exist.
 

 

And yes, I'm doing my part to make "Duggared" a verb. A really awful verb.

Rick Perry Indicted. Oops.

Yes, Governor Oops McGoodhair has found himself in a bit of a pickle. And though he brushed off the charges as "sketchy," it's never good to be charged with dual felonies. Whether they get him on this is open to speculation. But do I think Rick Perry is a vindictive prick? I do.

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What the Hell Just Happened in Texas, and Why Was Rick Perry Just Indicted?
 
Texas Governor Rick Perry was indicted Friday on charges of abuse of power—a first degree felony—and coercion—a third degree felony. The charges stem from a 2013 scandal that has been quietly rumbling in the Lone Star State as Perry has been floated as a viable contender for the Republican nomination in 2016. This is a complex case, which might be why it has not made national headlines the way other recent, state-level scandals (like Bridgegate, in New Jersey) have. Below, I have outlined a somewhat confusing short version of events, and a longer, more colorful explanation that involves alcohol, police, and masks. . .

Read more at: The Daily Beast

Rick Perry Sends out the National Guard Against. . .Children?

Governor Oops of Texas is a baffling fellow. I know he's got the "smart guy" glasses on, and he's making himself very visible. I know he has designs on the White House, despite his disastrous previous effort. So, I suppose this is sort a "tough guy" move, to try to shore up his base. The teabaggers hate illegal immigrants, so he's gotta sock it to 'em? Maybe. But what in the world is the National Guard going to do with these women and children that isn't being done?

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To Deal With Migrant Kids, Texas Governor Plans To Send National Guard To The Border

Faced with an uptick in children crossing the U.S.-border alone from several unstable Central American countries, Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) said Monday he will send 1,000 members of the National Guard to the border. “I will not stand idly by,” Perry said in making the announcement. He told CNN, “the first thing you have to do is stop the flow [of migrants into the United States]. . .”

Read more at: Think Progress

Totally Not Gay Rick Perry's Ideas on The GayThing

Rick Perry was once the great GOP hope. I mean after Fred Thompson, who turned out to be a big snooze. Perry was handsome, and rugged. He's been a governor of Texas, which makes him seem even more manly. But he turned out to be something of a tone-deaf goober. And a bit of a dolt.

Now, this isn't the first time Perry has shown a mixture of stupidity/ignorance, mixed with a good helping of homophobia. But I think it's particularly ironic, when you consider that Perry has had gay rumors swirling about him for years. So, it makes me wonder. I mean if Perry is on the "down-low," maybe this is how he's compartmentalized it in his mind? Like a drunk who decides not to drink, he just decides not to acknowledge his true feelings?

Image from source, Think Progress

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Rick Perry Derides Gay ‘Lifestyle’, Compares It To Alcoholism
 
This past weekend, the Texas Republican Party approved a new platform plank that endorsed ex-gay therapy for those “who are seeking escape from the homosexual lifestyle.” Asked about the platform Wednesday night, Gov. Rick Perry (R) seemed to defend it by suggesting that homosexuality is comparable to alcoholism. “Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that,” Perry suggested. “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way. . .”

Read more at: ThinkProgress

Wendy Davis Wins Primary for Texas Governor

Rick Perry's History Lesson: Mitch McConnell's Letter Home (Rocky Mountain Mike Comedy)

I'm still up to my eyeballs in upgrades and minor problems (for the record, my MacBook Pro is finished, the Windows 8.1 has one minor issue I'm still working on). So, thank goodness Rocky Mountain Mike keeps making fun new comedy bits. It feels like a bit of a cheat that I don't have to do any work to have such stellar content. But hey, Mike has "share" enabled on his bits, and doesn't seem to mind! Also: be sure to buy his new album, Politically Incoherent if you're enjoying his stuff here on my blog. I'm anxiously awaiting my own copy.
 

Messin' With Texas: Un-Paving Roads Rather Than Raising Taxes

I still can't quite wrap my head around this. Big oil has a boom in Texas. Big Oil makes more profits than any other industry ever has in the history of man. Their trucks are tearing up the roads. Texas is having a hard time paying for the roads, so. . .they're un-paving them! Not raising taxes on the oil companies, or figuring out some other sort of pay-for-play arrangement.

Their unofficial slogan is "Don't Mess With Texas." Maybe that's because Texas is already a hot mess.

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Texas Converts 80 Miles Of Paved Road To Gravel Thanks To Lack Of Funds

Finding that thanks to shortfalls the budget is not equipped to handle safety upgrades on paved roads, the Texas Department of Transportation began converting 80 miles of roads to gravel on Monday.
Texas DOT spokesman David Glessner told the Texas Tribune that a lack of funding meant its “only option to make [roads] safer is to turn them into gravel roads.” For safety reasons, some speed limits on the unpaved roads will also be lowered to 30 mph. . .

Read more at: Think Progress

Rick Perry Angry that Eric Holder Wants to Prevent Discrimination in Texas

"Don't mess with, uh. . .oops."
Image from HuffPo.

Okay, so Texas wanted to pass some new voting rights restrictions a while back (Why? Because it's a good way to suppress Democratic votes, that's why.) And because of the Voting Rights act, they couldn't get away with it, because the restrictions were deemed to be discriminatory against minority voters. Then, the Supreme Court hobbled the Voting Rights act, for reasons that are baffling. Within a couple of hours, Texas is there waving their already-declared-discriminatory restrictions, and insisted they're going to ram them through.

To me, this just confirms that the Supreme Court's decision was wrong, and that without the Voting Rights Act, some states will act in a discriminatory way. I mean, Texas just proved it, showing no restraint whatsoever. The Justice Department reacted by trying to find another way to prevent discrimination. And Governor Herp Derp Goodhair has whipped out his can of "Don't Mess with Texas" stupid ass whoop ass.

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Rick Perry Slams Eric Holder, Department Of Justice For 'End-Run Around The Supreme Court'

Gov. Rick Perry (R) criticized a decision by the Obama administration to pursue legal action against the Lone Star State to place Texas back under preclearance, requiring federal approval for any changes to voting laws. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Daily Show: Lewis Black's Awesome FU to Texas Ad

I just loved this!

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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Pre-Pre-Pre-Campaign 2016: Rand Paul Makes Fun of Rick Perry

Let 'er rip, boys! I thought the last two rounds of GOP presidential candidates were like a clown car opened up, but it looks like we're going to get  a new batch (with a lot of the same faces) next time too. Better stock up on popcorn.

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Rand Paul mocks Rick Perry: Can’t remember third good reason for him to be president

Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) on Monday night lampooned the idea of Texas Governor Rick Perry running for president again. “Well, I don’t know about what I’ve decided yet, but if Governor Perry decides to run for president, I think there are three good reasons he could be president,” he said on Fox News’ Hannity. “You know, Texas is a big, successful state; he’s a long-term governor — I can’t remember the third one, but, uh. . .”

Read more (with video) at: The Raw Story

Texas: Another Reason I'm Moving to the Gun Control Camp

People who look at this and are inspired,
scare the crap out of me. Image from source.

If it isn't clear why a formerly neutral-on-guns guy like me is becoming ever more in the gun control camp, here's one reason: Texas. I don't think I really even need to elaborate, just look at Governor Goodhair there, posing like Yosemite Sam. Then scroll down and read the plastic gun story, the guns for kids story. . .anything from the NRA, especially any utterance by Wayne LaPierre. This cultish, fetishistic, addiction to guns we have as a country is really starting to rub me (and a whole lot of people) the wrong way. And the lunacy of people who proclaim themselves to be patriots, ready to take up arms against the "tyranny" of the federal government? How would that go down exactly? If you think that is a likely outcome in this country, I'd love to hear from you in the comments, about how you think that would go down.

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Texas House Approves 12 Firearms Bills To Put More Guns In Classrooms And Defy Federal Law

On Saturday, as Texas hosted the National Rifle Association’s annual convention, the Texas House passed 12 gun bills to make it even easier to obtain and possess firearms in the state. The onslaught of legislation contains provisions to allow college students to carry handguns in class and to block any theoretical federal bans on assault weapons or high-capacity ammunition. The 12 bills, a veritable goody bag for gun rights advocates, passed easily in the Republican-dominated House. . .

Read more at: Think Progress

America the Stupid: Several States Petitioning for Secession

I puzzled over putting this story under "America the Stupid." But, I don't have a "Sore Losers" banner. Maybe I should make one, because it would seem that the butt-hurt (another potential banner) in Right Wing World has caused several states to politely request secession. Well, not the states. Rather, people from those states claiming to speak for those states. It's all a waste of time, for several reasons, a) it's stupid, b) the people signing these things very likely don't have standing, c) some seem to be from other states, and d) most of the states that voted for Mitt Romney get more government assistance than the Obama states. Beyond all that, it's just not going to happen. The logistics would be a nightmare.

Goodbye Texas, hello Puerto Rico? Fair trade?

But it shows you something about these so-called patriots. They lose an election, and they want to dissolve the union. Who are the "America haters" again? And how ironic that right now Puerto Rico is hoping to become a state. Tell you what: Puerto Rico can come in, Texas has to leave. We'll build that fence on the north side of the state, and we don't even have to add a star to the flag!

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Secession petitions filed on White House Web site
From states across the country, Americans have filed petitions on the White House Web site seeking to secede from the union and form new state governments. While most of the petitions come from states that supported Mitt Romney in last week’s election, a few swing states and even the deep blue Northeast are represented. . .

Read more at: Washington Post

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

Click to embiggen.

For at least the past year, and actually for the better part of the last two, we've had campaigns up and running for a Presidential election looming on the horizon. For most of that time, the election felt distant, and the early squabbles of the GOP primary fight felt way too early. Think back to those days: Donald Trump pretending he was going to run. Sarah Palin teasing her easily teased fans (for big bucks, it would seem). There was a whole clown car's worth of both declared and potential candidates. Early on, I started a graphic that added candidates as they either declared, or whose profiles rose to the point of serious discussion. I put a green check mark on those who officially threw their hats into the ring, and then a red X as they either dropped out, declined to run, or were defeated in the primary.

So, I decided to update my photo chart, with the entirely checked off list. Happily, there are no green check marks left to be found. Some of these people are so obscure, even I forget who they are!

And for the first time in a long time, we have a Monday without this looming event on our horizon. We have at least two years before we much have to think about 2016, except in the broad abstract. 2014 will come much sooner than that. But for now, our long national nightmare is over!

Mitt Romney's Bain History Trashed by. . .His Supporters!

It's pretty hard to to criticize President Obama for being critical of Mitt Romney's Bain Capital history, when Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, John Huntsman and Rick Perry did the very same thing. And in starker terms.

Rick Perry Leaves the 2012 Race

Oops. Image from source.

With The Little Dumber Boy (™The Stephanie Miller Show), Rick Perry officially out of the race, he will quickly be forgotten on the national scene.* Sure, he may turn up as a throw-away reference if there is another bumbling Texas governor. Or maybe as a Trivial Pursuit question. But otherwise, he's going to slink back to Texas, and I doubt he's going to be very high profile for a while.

So, it's pretty much my last chance to make fun of the guy in any kind of timely manner. Enjoy.

*There is the chance, of course, that FOX "News" will throw Perry a bone now and again, I suppose. Or he could even get a folksy spin-off of the politics-meets-Hee-Haw program, Huckabee.

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Rick Perry’s top ten ‘oops!’ moments of his campaign

Rick Perry’s presidential campaign may be best remembered for a single word and an exclamation point.

Oops!

Perry’s propensity for verbal gaffes contributed to his rapid decline from leader of the pack to also-ran presidential wannabe. . .

Read more at: Perry Presidential

Rick Perry's Cosmos (Mike in Raleigh)

This clip from The Stephanie Miller Show's Mike in Raleigh is based on the (umpteenth) stupid Rick Perry quote. This time, he said that Iranians were literally moving at the speed of light. He's an idiot. Mike is funny!

Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry Reassessing?

Images from source, Huffington Post

I could understand the urge to get off of this crazy ride, if I were a low-polling GOP contender. And I have zero positive feelings for either Michele Bachmann or Rick Perry. But they should realize that even though Rick (don't Google me) Santorum won/tied the Iowa caucuses, he was a brand new front runner! In a race that was headed by first Donald Trump (even though he never officially entered), followed by Bachmann, then Perry, then Cain, then Gingrich and only now, Santorum. Jon Huntsman is the only one not to get his day in the sun. And who's to say they'll stick with the Frothy Mix anyway? The bloom has been off the rose with all of them after a week or two. I'd hold out. It might come back around to them!


Check out:

Michele Bachmann Iowa Caucus 2012 Results: Campaign Manager Says Future Is Uncertain

Rick Perry Returning To Texas After Disappointing Iowa Finish, Assessing Whether To Quit Race

Does Rick Perry Have "The Gay?"

Snappy dresser. Good looking. Kind of stupid. But gay? There've been rumors for a long time, but Rick Perry didn't trip my gaydar until he did the "Strong" ad, which was ironically both anti-gay, and featured Perry in a close copy of Heath Ledger's Brokeback Mountain coat!

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All Your Rick Perry Gay Sex Rumors Collected in One Handy Book

Glen Maxey, the first openly gay member of the Texas State Legislature and longtime Democratic activist, spent most of last summer helping a reporter for a "national news outlet" nail down persistent rumors of Rick Perry's sexual relationships with men. The story got killed. So Maxey has published an e-book laying out the evidence. Among the charges: Rick Perry has a small dick. . .

Read more at: Gawker 

Rick Perry's Anti-Gay "Strong" Ad Gets Bad Lip Reading Treatment

Hahahahahahahahahahah!!! Ahhhhhhhhahahahahahaha!!!

Bad Lip Reading: Rick Perry's "Strong" ad - watch more funny videos