FOX's Neil Cavuto Ponders: Is Syria Attack an Indicator of the Second Coming?

Kent Brockman Neil Cavuto, image from Raw Story

Yeah, you know, people can make digs that MSNBC is the liberal version of FOX "News." But honestly--beside the fact that "news" isn't in MSNBC's name--is there anything like this ridiculous babble coming out of Rachel Maddow or Lawrence O'Donnell? Really?

[Excerpt]

Fox anchor asks viewers to consider if bombing Syria is a harbinger of the Second Coming of Christ

Fox News anchor Neil Cavuto on Monday devoted an entire segment to the possibility that a United States attack on Syria could be a sign of the End Times, a period in which Christians believe that Jesus Christ will return to face the emergence of the Antichrist. “This Syria stuff is way old,” Cavuto explained. “I mean Old Testament old. That’s how old I’m talking about. Don’t laugh. Some biblical scholars say it’s all there in black and white. . .”

Read more at: The Raw Story

Obama Called "Anti-Christ" at Fundraiser

You know, Republicans--particularly the spectator variety--really ought to learn how to control their emotions. We've already had outbursts at three out of the four last GOP debates. And now, we have an over-excited extreme right-winger shouting that first, "Jesus is God" (repeatedly). Really? I thought he was Lord. Isn't God his dad? Anyway, the crazed freak followed up by calling President Obama The Anti-Christ. Which is a totally made-up, non-biblical creation, popularized in such Hollywood movies as The Omen. And also such direct-to-video tripe as Left Behind II: Tribulation Force. As Lawrence O'Donnell said, if Obama is going to take over the world, his poll numbers in Florida are going to have to improve a lot.

Harold Camping: Oops, My Bad! Apocalypse Will be in October

"I forgot to carry the 1. . ." Image from source

Oh, dude, just give it up! Seriously? Is there a living being alive who'd be suckered by this guy not once, not twice but thrice? Anyone who believes this guy, and sends their money to him deserves to lose it. Suckers.

[Excerpt]

Radio host says world's end actually coming in Oct

As crestfallen followers of a California preacher who foresaw the world's end strained to find meaning in their lives, Harold Camping revised his apocalyptic prophecy Monday, saying he was off by five months because the Earth actually will be obliterated on Oct. 21. . .

Read more at: XFinity News

The Rapture That Wasn't. . .And What it Could Have Been

This is spectacular, and spectacularly funny. . .



Once again found at: Joe.My.God.

It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Image from source, MSNBC

It is rare for a news or pop-culture event to unite so many people. But this "Rapture on May 21" business seems to have united most sane Americans in laughter. Sure, there may be a few of the dimmer evangelicals who are having panic attacks. And the legions of readers of Left Behind (some of the worst popular writing ever committed to paper) may be getting nervous. But by-and-large, most people are making fun of this one. And the prank in the picture? Loving it.

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Oh, Rapture! Pranks are in the works

If you see scenes like this in your neighborhood, DON'T PANIC! Cast-off clothes are not a sign that the elect have been taken up in Saturday's scheduled Rapture. It's more likely to be a prank suggested by Jonathan Elliot, a self-described "architect of the liberal conspiracy" from New Zealand. Other pranksters have suggested filling blow-up dolls with helium and sending them heavenward ... or calling your boss at 5:58 p.m. local time and leaving a message about how much you love your job, then ending the call in midsentence. If you do such things, let folks know by sending Twitter updates with the #raptureprank or #rapturebomb hashtag. We'll see who has the last laugh this weekend. . .

Read more at: MSNBC

"End of the World" Church Still Open for Business on Monday

Image from source, CNN

If he can't even convince his own staff, how can Harold Camping expect to convince the rest of us? Of course, if there are a couple of earthquakes tomorrow morning (or eeek, tonight) it's going to freak people out!

[Excerpt]

Doomsday church: Still open for business

By now, you've probably heard of the religious group that's predicting the end of the world starts this weekend.



Harold Camping and his devoted followers claim a massive earthquake will mark the second coming of Jesus, or so-called Judgment Day on Saturday, May 21, ushering in a five month period of catastrophes before the world comes to a complete end in October. . .

Read more at: CNN

Blast from the Past: Blondie's Rapture

What with Saturday's big, anticipated Rapture and all, I just can't get this old Blondie song out of my head. I'm an atheistic agnostic myself, so I figure the chances that the Rapture is actually going to happen to be about 0.0000000001% at best. And the odds are even smaller that the post-rapture "tribulation" period is going to go as it does in the dreadful apocalyptic book series Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. The way I see it, if all of us naysayers actually witness an actual Rapture event--followed by all that wacky biblical prophecy--there will be no need for a Tribulation Force of newly converted believers, fighting armies of the Anti-Christ's followers. Sorry, but I think most of us are gonna be fundamentalist believers at that point. For now? I'm going to snicker and laugh a lot, and continue to think of Debbie Harry when I think of Rapture.

Potential Energy Committee Chairman Wants to Leave it to God

Ugh. Elections have consequences, as they say. And true to form, the very worst candidates for any given committee chair in the House of Representatives are gunning for them. Honestly, we don't have to worry about global climate change, because God promised he wouldn't murder us all with weather again?  Well shit, why worry about anything then? Jeebus is coming back soon, right? So we might as well just do nothing and wait for the rapture! 

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Energy Committee Chairman Candidate Says God Promised no More Catastrophic Climate Change after Noah





Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.), who will seek the Energy and Commerce Committee chairmanship maintains that we do not have to worry about climate change because God promised in the Bible not to destroy the world again after Noah’s flood. . .

Read more at: JuanCole

Thanks to my friend Tracy for the link.

Sarah Palin, Part of Biblical Prophecy?

I just knew this bitch was evil. . .

[Excerpt]

Latest Sarah Palin Speech Opens Sixth Seal

IDAHO FALLS, ID—Speaking unto an audience of anti-immigration advocates, global-warming deniers, and members of the Tea Party Nation, former Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gave forth utterances Monday that reportedly opened the sixth seal of the Book of the Apocalypse. . .

Read more at: The Onion

Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link!

Economy a Sign of ARMAGEDDON?

Until recently, we as a nation lived under a policy of fear. "Be afraid, be very afraid" could easily have become our national motto. What works out for politics also seems to be one line of attack in religion as well.

We know why. Because fear sells. It works on all of us at times, but some people seem to be masochists for it, dreaming up rich conspiracy theories that show they're out to get us! And religion--it claims--offers a solution. But the scary thing is, some religions seem to be eager for the scary stuff to happen. They're really itching for Armageddon, because it means paradise after. Or something.

Look, I've read the doomsday religious series, Left Behind. Nearly as scary as the terrible writing is the "tribulation," the nasty stuff those of us who aren't "raptured bodily into heaven" will have to live through before the "glorious appearing" of Jesus. And then it gets even worse.

Jesus isn't the warm, loving being we learned about in Sunday school, if you believe these stories (and way too many do). He's apparently a slaughterific, blood-n-guts, friggin' destroyer of souls! And you don't even have to be a bad person. You just have to not be a believer.

But it's trickier than it sounds. You have to be a particular kind of believer.

Being Catholic won't save you. Even being a protestant won't save you. You have to be a believer in the tribulation and rapture and all that comes with it. To make matters worse, there are at least three schisms even in that: Pretribulationism, Midtribulationism and Posttribulationism. Yikes!

I of course pick none of the above. It's all rather gruesome and hard to square with the rest of the religion. Plus, if I did throw in with them, the kind of people who are believers aren't the sorts of people I really want to hang around with anyway.

Which is a long way to go to show you these scans of an invitation I got in the mail from a group called "Creation to Revelation." They're having a big gig this week tying the current economic crisis with the end of the world!!! The creepiest part is the last photo of the jubilant children with the notice, "Bring the whole family!" Worse, the event is being held at the Boy Scouts Resource Center. Which is a whole 'nother level of creepy.

Sarah Palin's Church: Alaska a Refuge from Armageddon?

Image from source, Raw Story

OK, I've read (most) of the apocalyptic Christian book series, Left Behind, and I don't recall there being any refuges, excepting perhaps Israel, and that was quite temporary and for a select few. I did wonder what might happen during the "tribulation" to astronauts on a space station, or other outer space base, since the Bible only talks about what happens on Earth. And Earth is pretty much devastated everywhere, at least according to Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkens, alleged experts on the Rapture and all that follows.

So how is it that Alaska could be some sort of safe harbor during apocalyptic hell fire? Oh, and full disclosure: I find all of this end of days stuff a load of hooey anyway.

[Excerpt]

Palin church: Alaska will be a 'refuge' for Armageddon

Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin has attended a number of different churches over the years, but for most of her adult life, she belonged to the Wasilla Assembly of God, which has attracted attention for its unorthodox beliefs and practices. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

Tell Your Hellbound Friends They've Been Left Behind!

Photo from source, Wikpedia

Speaking of doomsday cults, there is a very large one right out in the open in the US of A. They're the believers in the rapture, a time when God draws all "true believers" up into heaven bodily, with the rest of us sinners left behind! It's a much wider-spread belief these days after the mysteriously successful Christian sci-fi fiction series, Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins.

Not wanting to go along trashing this series of badly-written books, I actually read them to see what all the fuss is about. Save yourself the trouble, by the way--feel free to criticise them any way you see fit, because you couldn't possibly give a worse review than they actually deserve. Unfortunately, a lot of mushy-brained Christian readers bought the whole scenario, even though it was only dreamt up in the 1800s.

But let's assume they're right for a second. Rather than watching your unsaved loved ones burn in the lake of fire (something lots of Christians are apparently eagerly awaiting), what if you could give them one last chance, after you are zapped to heaven? This site aims to let you do just that--for a price, of course.

[Excerpt]

Post-Rapture document delivery

You've Been Left Behind is a company that stores electronic documents for later delivery to your heathen loved ones after you get swept off to heaven during the Rapture. The idea is that there will still be time to save them too. The company claims to provide secure storage, but Bruce Schneier is suspicious.) . . .

Read on at: Boing Boing

Earthquake Rattles Midwest

Photo from source, AOL News

Wow, a biggish earthquake in midwest, near the Ohio River valley. Given that location, I'll bet some people thought the rapture was a'comin'. . .

[Excerpt]

5.2 earthquake rocks large region of Midwest

Residents across the Midwest were awakened Friday by a 5.2 magnitude earthquake that rattled skyscrapers in Chicago's Loop and homes in Cincinnati but appeared to cause no major injuries or damage.

The quake just before 4:37 a.m. was centered six miles from West Salem, Ill., and 45 miles from Evansville, Ind. It was felt in such distant cities as Milwaukee, Des Moines, Iowa, and Atlanta, nearly 400 miles to the southeast. . .

Read more at: AOL News

Cheney Goes Apocalyptic

Photo from source, RawStory.com

Well, why not. He's already considered "Darth" Cheney, so he might as well address the Apocalypse "rapture" crowd. Sigh. I don't even know what to say anymore. . .

[Excerpt]

Cheney to address top secret conservative policy group

An ultra-secret conservative group -- so secret that members don't even use the group's name in communications -- will feature Vice President Dick Cheney as a speaker at a meeting in Utah today. [snip]

Founded in 1981 by Tim LaHaye, the co-author of the popular post-apocalyptic Christian-themed Left Behind books, the group holds confidential meetings three times a year attended by a small but powerful cadre of top conservatives.

Read more at: RawStory.com

Book Report: Left Behind

Image from Wikipedia.org

I spent a good chunk of last summer reading the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Why would a heathen like me do such a thing? Well, I felt there was a hole in my pop-culture knowledge, and Left Behind has been read by millions of people, so I thought it might be nice to at least read the books before forming an opinion.

It was a mistake. And a huge waste of time. I must confess, I could not read the whole series. I read books 1 - 8, and then skipped to book 12. I missed nothing. You might think that is an uninformed opinion, but you'd be wrong.

You see, after 8 books, it became clear how this thing works. Roughly a quarter or more of each sequel book is spent rehashing what went before. It's like the old Friday the 13th movies that spent large chunks of movie time reliving previous installments. Let me just say that even the thin plotting of those movies easily surpassed the quality of writing in the Left Behind series.

But they have nothing on the gore!

Much lip-service is given in the books to how loving, perfect, all-powerful, glorious and wonderful God/Jesus are (the books treat them interchangeably and as a unit). But you never see any of that godly goodness in them. You get famine, war, pestilence, locusts, creatures, destruction, disasters, blood and guts. You have to take the goodness of God/Jesus on faith, because none is ever displayed.

The writing style is sub-eighth grade level. The characters are poorly drawn and somewhat interchangeable. The "good" people never have sex outside of marriage, and even if married never get much romance either. If they ever have the bad taste to curse, it is referred to obliquely, such as "Rayford swore." And then Rayford felt bad about it.

All of this is based on the book of Revelation, a very slim and confusing volume of the Bible, indeed. There are a few other books taken out of context to make the story work. And it's all very Earth-centric. All of this disaster and turmoil is happening on Earth. What if you're on the international Space Station, on the space shuttle, or we've colonized the moon or Mars by the time of the Rapture? Are those people going to be spared?

The series is being milked for all it's worth, with countless spinoffs, movies and tie-ins. It is quite obviously all about the money. And middle-America is now convinced--by extremely bad fiction--that this is mainstream religious fact.

If you get the urge, like I did, to see what all the fuss is about, do this: read books 1 and 12. You'll get the gist, and you'll wonder what's wrong with people.

The only good thing about this series? It inspired (and I do mean inspired) a classic The Simpsons episode, with a parody called Left Below.

Left Behind: Avoid at all costs

The Simpsons: Highly recommended