Breaking News: Wednesday is Judgment Day, Goodbye Everyone!

Wow, if I'd realized that Wednesday was it, I might have had more fun this weekend. Hey, at least I got to watch the premieres of The Flash and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. So, I wonder what time the end is coming? Everyone have their hell-bound handbaskets ready to go? I think it's safe to say, that's where most of us are headed, right?

[Excerpt]

Christian group predicts the world will be 'annihilated' on Wednesday

While our planet may have survived September’s “blood moon”, it will be permanently destroyed on Wednesday, 7 October, a Christian organization has warned. The eBible Fellowship, an online affiliation headquartered near Philadelphia, has based its prediction of an October obliteration on a previous claim that the world would end on 21 May 2011. While that claim proved to be false, the organization is confident it has the correct date this time. . .

Read more (with video) at: The Guardian

SCOTUS Allows State-sponsored Religion. . .?

History, as some see it.

As an atheist, I have often been irritated by situations in which I basically have to go to church. I don't mean weddings, funerals, or being nice to my mother-in-law at Christmas. I mean non-church settings where there is prayer, or other invocations of God/Jesus. Mostly I roll with it (while doing a lot of eye-rolling). Occasionally, I'll grumble about it under my breath. I'm not offended by such displays, I'm just alternatively bored, embarrassed or just in an utter state of disbelief (pun intended). I just find them at best, silly. Silly like praying to The Great Gazoo.

But the silliness is worse when it is promoted by the government. Pretty clearly, the founding fathers intended a wall of separation between church and state. They did not want state sponsored religion. Still, mostly, I roll with it. Though I believe "In God We Trust," "God Bless America," and "One Nation, Under God" to be utterly pointless and meaningless, I also know that these things are drenched in tradition and emotion for a lot of people. I can endure it, even though I believe them to be unconstitutional when inserted on money, or in laws.

Others take this stuff more seriously, and literally make a federal case of it. And I kind of wish they wouldn't, at least as long as we have a conservative court. Because with the current SCOTUS, I knew they'd find a way to somehow twist logic to make overt Christian prayers led by elected officials to be okay, even though they're clearly not. Just like "God" on the money is somehow not religious (but also for some reason is demanded by the religious to be there), I knew they'd pull this. So, it would have been better just to leave it alone, rather than having it enshrined in law.

But, Christians, I wouldn't be partying too heartily. You are not the only religion. And one of these days, you might find yourself in a situation where you--like me--are bowing your head to the prayers of others. Muslims or Hindus or Scientologists or Satanists or Wiccans or Pastafarians. Just wait. Then, maybe you'll get a taste of what it feels like.

[Excerpt]

The Supreme Court Just Blew A Gaping Hole In The Wall Of Separation Between Church And State

Town of Greece v. Galloway is the case that proponents of the separation of church and state have feared every since Justice Sandra Day O’Connor left the Supreme Court in 2006. It strikes at the heart of the constitutional prohibition on government endorsement of religious doctrine or belief. And it brings religious conservatives within inches of a victory they have sought for more than two decades. For the sort of people who believe America should be a “Christian nation,” today is a today to celebrate. . .

Read more at: Think Progress

FOX's Neil Cavuto Ponders: Is Syria Attack an Indicator of the Second Coming?

Kent Brockman Neil Cavuto, image from Raw Story

Yeah, you know, people can make digs that MSNBC is the liberal version of FOX "News." But honestly--beside the fact that "news" isn't in MSNBC's name--is there anything like this ridiculous babble coming out of Rachel Maddow or Lawrence O'Donnell? Really?

[Excerpt]

Fox anchor asks viewers to consider if bombing Syria is a harbinger of the Second Coming of Christ

Fox News anchor Neil Cavuto on Monday devoted an entire segment to the possibility that a United States attack on Syria could be a sign of the End Times, a period in which Christians believe that Jesus Christ will return to face the emergence of the Antichrist. “This Syria stuff is way old,” Cavuto explained. “I mean Old Testament old. That’s how old I’m talking about. Don’t laugh. Some biblical scholars say it’s all there in black and white. . .”

Read more at: The Raw Story

Betty Bowers Explains What the Bible Really Says About Abortion

Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian™, has a series of videos explaining the finer points of Christianity to Christians who don't seem to really know what's in the Bible. Usually, the lesson is served with some less-than-gentle ribbing, and a heavy dose of snark. But the subject this time is abortion. Do you expect that subject can be handled gently and sweetly? So, be prepared for a gnarly, right in-your-face, shotgun approach. Oh, she's still snarky, but this time darkly funny, and really quite scathing. . .and utterly correct.

Thanks to my brother Jason for the tip.

Sears Pulls Ads from SNL Over "Djesus Uncrossed" Skit

Oh, I really don't like it when the fanatical religious zealots win one. I mean, win one legitimately, they claim they've "won" all the time in these sorts of boycotts/activist protests, whether they really did or not. But apparently Sears caved on these ridiculous protests over a bit that they didn't even really understand. See, it was all over a Saturday Night Live filmed bit that parodied Quentin Tarantino films, while simultaneously skewering the religious right's dichotomic lust for guns and Rambo-like violence. [Story continues below]


No, it wasn't really a statement on Jesus the (allegedly) historical figure, but leave it to the conspicuously religious to miss the point, and get bent out of shape about it. How about getting a little excited that a creaky (after 38 years) American institution like SNL can actually produce a funny bit for a change? Honestly, I don't think they'd have anything to do if they weren't getting offended and bent out of shape about something.

[Excerpt]

Sears removes online ads from 'Saturday Night Live' 'Djesus Uncrossed' sketch

SNL‘s trailer for Djesus Uncrossed, a fake historical revenge fantasy starring Christoph Waltz as a vindictive Jesus Christ, is more of a Tarantino send-up than a spoof of Christianity. But that hasn’t stopped faith-based groups like the American Family Association from expressing outrage about the sketch, and as a result of their urging, one advertiser has asked its commercials be moved from online showings of Djesus. Here’s the two-minute short that has stoked so much ire. . .

Read more at: Entertainment Weekly

Djesus Uncrossed Skit on SNL Inspires Butt Hurt from Usual Suspects

I have not seen Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino's latest movie, but it was obvious--both by the jokes being made, and by the lead actor--that Saturday Night Live had twin targets for their Djesus Uncrossed skit. Those targets were Tarantino's films in general, and the incongruities between the historical Jesus and the modern far right, gun-loving Christians. [Story continues below]

As an atheist who was raised Christian, I suppose I'm more forgiving of "blasphemy." And I also take a  perverse glee in seeing the usual suspects--them being "conspicuous Christians"--getting bent out of shape. In my experience, the more overt a Christian is about how much they love the Jesus, the more likely they are to be an asshole (with some exceptions, of course). And these same people always seem to be looking to be offended, like it's their part-time job. Get over it. If Jesus and God are all that you guys say they are, they're strong enough to take some ribbing.

[Excerpt]

WND Slams SNL's Djesus Uncrossed

Its subject matter can only be described with one word: blasphemous. If anything in our PC culture should be considered obviously offensive, this is it. Can you imagine the uproar that would occur if SNL made a parody, ‘Muhammad Unleashed?’. . .

Read more at: Joe.My.God.

Vote Satan 2012

Official Campaign Poster - Pass Around Or Die.

The Reverend Stu' & The Stupid Monkey Planet Church of Primatheism have decided to endorse Satan for 2012.

There is no questioning his stance on many issues. As he is the only candidate that has maintained his message consistently... Never a flip-flopper.

His hands-on experience & vast knowledge of the systems are beyond reproach. He has been at this type of work for thousands of years.

Much like Huntsman or even Ron Paul earlier, the media offers very little time for Satan to get his message out. Although he has been present at every GOP debate,  he is most often ignored by the moderators. (Even when it's obvious he is right there.) Yet he remains a very viable candidate, whose name is widely recognized.

Thankfully, his presence is clearly felt, at the debates, each time the audience laughs, cheers & applauds death, blood, mayhem, starving children & evil in general. With that, you can safely bet that Satan was their inspiration.

So, for myself & the church it is a no-brainer. Vote Satan 2012... otherwise beg for mercy & maybe he'll just fucking reap your souls.

All hail & bless Satan. ~The Reverend Stu'

Visit the church on Facebook.

We're having a bake sale & Bingo on Sunday... And don't forget that we have sacrifices every Wednesday. ~Bless you all.

What Happens in Vegas: Local Priest Steals Over $.5 Million

The devil made him do it? Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link.


 [Excerpt]

Priest Pleads Guilty to Stealing Thousands of Dollars

. . .Kevin McAuliffe, 58, of Las Vegas worked as a priest and pastor at St. Elizabeth Ann Seaton Church in Summerlin. In the plea agreement, McAuliffe admitted he stole money from the church’s gift shop, votive candle collection, the missions and novenas fund, along with the general bank account. . .

Read more at: 8NewsNow

Texas Bans Last Meal Requests for Death Row Inmates

Even Jesus got a last meal.

Is it my imagination, or does it seem that politicians--Republicans in particular--are just getting meaner and meaner? Seemingly meanness just for the sake of it. Let the sick die! Execute more people! Boo a gay soldier! Everything they've been doing seems to be geared toward sticking it to somebody. The latest news is out of Texas, where prisoners about to be executed will no longer be served the last meal of their choice. Which just sounds pointless and mean to me.


Now, in the story excerpted below, you'll find lists of extravagant meals, and I would agree to putting an end to that silliness. But good grief, how hard is it to put a rule list together? Limit it to a meal, a typical meal you might get at a restaurant. Make it standard portion sizes, limit the number of courses. Easy peasy. But it is more Republican to just shut it down all together. It's like in school where one kid acts up, and the teacher punishes the whole class.


[Excerpt]


Special Last Meals: Texas Prisons End Special Last Meals For Inmates Facing Execution 

Texas inmates who are set to be executed will no longer get their choice of last meals, a change prison officials made Thursday after a prominent state senator became miffed over an expansive request from a man condemned for a notorious dragging death. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Calling a Spade a Deity: Jesus Appears on a Shovel!

Oh, Jesus. Is there no place You and Your Mother won't show up?

[Excerpt]

Bethesda woman sees Jesus in a garden shovel

A BETHESDA woman claims to have spotted an apparition of Jesus Christ on, of all things, her boyfriend’s garden shovel!



Andrea Jones was having a cigarette in her garden when she noticed this ‘image’ in the shovel which was leaning against a rabbit hutch. . .

Read more at: The Online Mail


Previously:
Jesus! That's Pizza Sauce!

Jesus on a Pickup Truck!

Virgin Mary Appears in a Brain Scan?

News of the Weird: Jesus! Clean Your Shower!

The Second Coming of Cheesus!

Cheesus: Jesus Found in a Cheetos Bag

Jesus Found in Potato!

Jesus Found in Slab of Granite

Jesus Christ on a Pancake!

Jesus is Everywhere!

Jesus Appears on a Steam Iron

Thursday Morning FAIL

As I write this, I'm still fighting a headache, so please just enjoy this fairly humorous picture while I go try to sleep it off. Happy Thursday, c'monnnnn weekend!

Photo of the Day: Jeebus is Comin' Back!

Let me check my calendar. . . Nope, I think I'll be busy. 

Source: Joe.My.God.

Tea Party Jesus!

I found this brilliant blog via Huffington Post.  Do you suppose those quoted might feel embarrassed? I doubt it.

(By the way, the quote in Jesus' word balloon is actually from noted crazy person (and tea bagger leader), Glenn Beck).

[Excerpt]

Tea Party Jesus: Blog Puts Words Of Conservatives In The Mouth Of Christ

The concept behind the site Tea Party Jesus is simple: Put the words of conservative Christian social and political figures in the mouth of Christ. The juxtaposition of hateful, ignorant, or otherwise nonsensical rants with serene photos of JC himself isn't only funny, but says a lot about the people who claim to be Christians. With the site's permission, we've compiled some of our favorites so far. . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Photo of the Day: "Touchdown" Jesus Does YMCA

"LOL" is overused, but I actually laughed out loud when I saw this. Apparently, before Ohio's "Touchdown Jesus" went up in flames, he liked to perform the Village People's YMCA!  Flamer. . .

Found at: Joe.My.God.

Irony Alert: Jesus Destroyed by Act of God

Image from source, MSNBC

If this story doesn't strike your funny bone, you take religion way too seriously.  First, the "Touchdown Jesus" statue was hideous, and placed right by a freeway where people could scarcely avoid it. Second, there seems to have been complete surprise that the steel beams going through Jebus' outstretched arms might act as lightning rods. Third, the thing went up in flames like a cheap house trailer, showing that it was made with the foresight of a BP oil drilling team.  And they say they're building another one. Near Xenia, Ohio. I have this vision of a tornado touching down on Touchdown Jesus, and sending Him on a rampage through rural Ohio.

[Excerpt]

6-story Jesus statue in Ohio struck by lightning

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A six-story statue of Jesus Christ was struck by lightning and burned to the ground, leaving only a blackened steel skeleton and pieces of foam that were scooped up by curious onlookers Tuesday. . .

Read more at: MSNBC

Jesus! That's Pizza Sauce!

Image from source, Joe.My.God.

Honestly. . .

[Excerpt]

Jeebus In The Pizza Sauce! Praise!

A pizzeria worker in Pennsylvania says that she's been blessed by appearance of Jeebus in a plastic tub of tomato sauce. . .

Read more at: Joe.My.God

Previously:
Jesus Appears on a Steam Iron

Jesus on a Pickup Truck!

Virgin Mary Appears in a Brain Scan?

News of the Weird: Jesus! Clean Your Shower!

The Second Coming of Cheesus!

Cheesus: Jesus Found in a Cheetos Bag

Jesus Found in Potato!

Jesus Found in Slab of Granite

Jesus Christ on a Pancake!

Jesus is Everywhere!

Jesus on a Pickup Truck!

Jesus is everywhere, y'all! And if it isn't him appearing in various items, it's his mom. This time, it was JC himself, or at least a bearded dude who. . .let's face it. . .could be anybody.

[Excerpt]

Man says image of Jesus appears on truck window

Jim Stevens said he's not particularly religious and is clueless about why an image resembling Jesus Christ keeps appearing on his pickup. Stevens, of Jonesborough, said nearly every morning, an image that looks to him like the face of Jesus Christ has appeared in the condensation on the driver's side window of his Isuzu truck. A Johnson City Press photo of the truck showed a facial image. . .

Read more at: Yahoo! News

Previously:

Virgin Mary Appears in a Brain Scan?

News of the Weird: Jesus! Clean Your Shower!

The Second Coming of Cheesus!
Cheesus: Jesus Found in a Cheeto Bag
Jesus Found in Potato!
Jesus Found in Slab of Granite
Jesus Christ on a Pancake!Jesus is Everywhere!

Virgin Mary in Bird Poop

I simply could not resist this. . .

Previously. . .

Jesus is Everywhere!
Virgin Mary Appears in a Brain Scan?
News of the Weird: Jesus! Clean Your Shower!
The Second Coming of Cheesus!
Cheesus: Jesus Found in a Cheeto Bag
Jesus Found in Potato!
Jesus Found in Slab of Granite
Jesus Christ on a Pancake!

Jesus on Mars!

Jesus Wrote the Constitution?

Image from source, Wonkette

WWJD? Write the United States Constitution, apparently. Whatever, you freak. . .

[Excerpt]

‘Real American’ Records Actual Historical Event In Beautiful Painting

A bunch of you have sent us a link to this painting by a fellow named Jon McNaughton, depicting the divine event that took place during the hot Philadelphia summer of 1787, when Jeebus flew to America from his ice cave on Pluto to deliver the U.S. Constitution to some brat before an in-studio audience consisting of George Washington, Mister Hollywood, Liberal News Reporter, Satan, and others. “Jon McNaughton would like to set the record straight,” we read. . .

Source: Wonkette

Jesus on Mars!

Image from source, Telegraph

How did I miss this one? Jesus on Mars? OK, you really have to squint to see it, and even then? Naahhh. I've featured many Jesus and/or Mary on--well many things--and I always come around to the same question: how the hell are we supposed to know what either one of them looked like? All we have to go on are the extremely Anglicized, idealized images of Renaissance painters, right? For all we know, this is Frank Zappa. That I might believe.

[Excerpt]

Has Jesus Christ been spotted on Mars?

Now the surface of the planet Mars can be added to this list.

If looked at from the right angle – and with disbelief suspended – this photo released by Nasa can appear to show the face and robed body of Christ. . .

Read more at: Telegraph

Previously. . .

Jesus is Everywhere!
Virgin Mary Appears in a Brain Scan?
News of the Weird: Jesus! Clean Your Shower!
The Second Coming of Cheesus!
Cheesus: Jesus Found in a Cheeto Bag
Jesus Found in Potato!
Jesus Found in Slab of Granite
Jesus Christ on a Pancake!