Minority Report Is Here

This is my actual ring. Seriously, unless you're buying diamonds and
other precious stones and such, get your wedding rings online.
You'll save a hella lot of money.

No, I don't mean that we're putting people in jail for crimes they're going to commit in the future. We might be--who knows at this point--but I'm talking about the hyper-intense, very personalized marketing that the film Minority Report depicted.

We all know that if we buy something on Amazon, we start to see related advertisements in other internet activities. It gets really weird when you search for something on your computer, then get an ad for it on your phone. And I understand that when huge corporations run software and hardware companies that are integrated, and cross-platform, and all of that kind of crap, we're bound to start getting weirded out a little.

I've actually been trying to create this phenomenon by searching for odd things, things I don't normally have any interest in, like Harley-Davidson motorcycles in Bing, ladies' golf shoes in Yahoo, and Dymo label makers in AOL, just to see where those things might pop up. Oddly enough, none of that worked. What did, was by accident. My boss needed to get a ride to a Lexus repair shop, and I typed "Lexus Las Vegas" into a Google Maps search. After that, I got used Lexus ads in AOL email for weeks.

This is not an ad for you,
it's the targeted ad
for ME.

I unwittingly prompted this again just a couple of days ago. A couple of weeks ago, I bought matching wedding rings to replace our old ones, to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. I bought them from eBay, having learned that jewelry is crazy expensive from traditional sources. I got lovely tungsten carbide/carbon fiber rings for $14.99 each, no joke. And no shipping charge! But that isn't what flagged me. No, just a few days ago, I got it in my head to find out what the rings would have cost if I'd bought them from standard jewelry retailers.

I tried some local Vegas outlets like Tower of Jewels, to no avail. I tried Zayre, and couldn't find our rings. Then I tried Kay Jewelers ("Every Kiss Begins with Kay!"), and found our exact same rings. The cost $299 each. Wow, did I ever get a great deal, and wow is Kay ripping people off! After I found that out, I closed the browser window, and didn't think another thing about it. Then, while cruising the inernets, I was stunned to see the ad you see at the right. That's my ring, that's Kay Jewelers, and they really apparently want me to spend $274 more dollars than I did for the same ring. Again. Or something.

This is really no big deal of course. It's just deeply weird. I mean, I did use Google to search for a "tungsten carbide men's wedding band." I did click Kay Jewelers' matching picture, along with a pictures that matched from a couple of other sources. I'm just kind of surprised that Kay puts together the actual image search into an ad that specific. They can't know I already have the rings, and wouldn't dream of spending that much!  And when I think  of other pictures I've searched, I'm a little horrified at what might pop up on a any random web page!

And PS., Kay: I doubt I'm going to surprise "her" with matching men's wedding bands! But thanks, just the same.

K Mart's Funny Ad Campaign Continues: "Big Gas Savings"

Hilarious.
 

Holy Ship! K Mart Makes Funny Viral Ad!

I just about ship myself laughing.

Blast from the Past: Classic 70s Commercials!

When I decided years ago to make Blast from the Past a regular weekly feature, what I didn't think about was the level of difficulty. Not only can the research be a chore, but so is the process of putting them into a post. Blogger--the software I use to build the blog--is notoriously bad at handling repeated cutting and pasting. It just eats the videos, or sometimes repeats them. It's frustrating.

By now though, I've got quite a backlog of this feature. So this week I decided to go with a rerun. Which is okay, because on any given day I've got a different audience anyway! And this one is chock full of nostalgia. Just go with it, I'm tired.

1. Calgon - Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
2. Pringles "New Fangled" Potato Chips - Did you forget they came in a paper sleeve? Now, they just let them crumble in the package.
3. Slinky - Every kid had one. Every kid got tired of them in about 10 minutes. Every kid eventually tangled them up.
4. Gnip Gnop - Somebody was stoned when they came up with the name.
5. Count Chocula and Frankenberry Cereal - Gayest. Cartoon characters. Ever. Ok, yeah, there was Snagglepuss.
6. Coca-Cola - "I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. . ." Dirty hippies!
7. Burger King - I couldn't find the "Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce. . ." one, but this'll do nicely.
8. Ultra Brite - The late, lovely Farrah Fawcett in one of her earliest TV spots.

Going to the Chapel, and I'm Gonna Get BACON?

Goddamn it ! Why did I have to go and get gay-married? Who knew this option was available?

Infomercial Star Don Lapre Dead by Suicide

From one bedroom apartment, to one
room cell, to one pine box.
Image from source, CBS.

I don't recall the year, but I remember when Don Lapre made his first big splash in infomercials. He was on the less important cable channels all the time, talking about his get rich quick scheme. He stood out from the other guys by being young, stylish and attractive. But his sales pitch--overly earnest, with too many hand gestures, and the repeated phrase, "from my one-bedroom apartment!"--never seemed persuasive to me. Hell, half of my apartments were one-bedroom, and I didn't feel like an abject failure.  But Lapre's style won over lots of people. Enough that he ended up selling other "as seen on TV" products of a hinky nature (like vitamins), and separating gullible people from their money.

Well, Lapre got busted for ripping people off for millions, and tried to kill himself by stabbing his groin (which takes, um. . .). He wasn't successful the first time, but he finally did it. Dead in prison. So, all of the folks who he was trying to make jealous of his success? Well, they finally got a little schadenfreude.


[Excerpt]

TV pitchman Don Lapre found dead in cell after apparent suicide


Authorities say TV pitchman Don Lapre was found dead after an apparent suicide in an Arizona jail cell on Sunday morning. Officials say they are continuing to investigate the circumstances surrounding his death. It was only a few days before his $52 million fraud trial was set to begin. . .

Read more at: CBS

Product Placement: King Size Package, Low, Low Price

What do you do if you're a big, big man, but only have a pocket full of change? Get your jumbo package wrapped at Big Lots for just three bucks! Now, if you can scrape up a few more bucks, maybe you can take your Craig's List date out to Jack in the Box.  And again, sorry for the blur. I've got to get the hang of this camera!

What Happens in Vegas: Las Vegas Gets a New Slogan

Oh, they're still using "What Happens Here, Stays Here."  But they're refining it, to deal with smart phones and social media. Sure you can share your experiences. . .just know when to say when!

It should be pointed out that those of us who live in the Las Vegas Valley are not allowed to use the "hey, it's Vegas, baby!" excuse when we misbehave. We don't think it's fair and just might document those things that "the code" disallows! So, watch yourselves. . .




Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link.

Product Placement: Douche Body Wash!

On my weekly visit to Big Lots (don't look at me like that, I get some great deals there!), I spied this funny combo. Right next to the AXE Body Wash was a knock-off brand called UMBRO. Which is helpfully labelled "GEL DE DOUCHE."  Sorry about the blur, I still haven't got the hang of my cell phone camera. . .

Product Placement: Pinot Evil Wine

This one is for my good friend, Stupid Monkey Planet. I spied this brand of wine at our local apothecary (Lee's Discount Liquor), and was instantly reminded of him. It carries the infamous three monkeys: see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, and the brand name, Pinot Evil. I'm a big fan of red wine, and of monkey, so I may give it a try.

Product Placement! Sugar and Diabetes, One-Stop Shopping





Image found at VoenixRising





Product Placement! Easter Beefcake, a Religious Experience!

This unaltered display is from a Target store here in Las Vegas. While I know that Paganism is a religion, and that decorated eggs are a Pagan fertility symbol, I'm not sure that's the religion they're going for here. Also, a studly naked man can be a religious experience for many of us. Still, I'm thinking a naked dude with an Easter egg would not be considered to be a very churchy holiday card for your grandmother. . .

Product Placement! It's The End of the World as We Know It

I'm inaugurating a new feature here at Greenlee Gazette. Any time I spy an odd or interesting display while I'm out and about, I'll feature it here under Product Placement! For my first effort (though certainly not the first I ever noticed), is this video display from Sam's Club. Just down the aisle from the three-pack of Left Behind movies (some of the worst Armageddon fare ever filmed or written) was this little combo. I altered nothing here. First you have an instructional video on THE END OF THE WORLD!!! And then, a nice little travel video of all the wonderful things there are to see in the world. But will you have time?  WILL YOU HAVE TIME???

Japan's Nuclear Problem and the GE Ecomagination Ad

I've pondered the GE "Ecomagination" ad series here in the blog space before, and mused that the "line dance" ad was cute. Particularly the bio-suited boogiers. But since the Japanese nuclear meltdown situation started--at a GE-built reactor--it's not quite so cute anymore. After seeing so many images of workers in similar bio suits, and in much less "good time" environs, it sort of gives me a wiggins now. I keep cringing, and thinking "Silkwood shower. . ." Ugh.

It's Come to This: Talk Radio Uses Paid Actors to Call In

You know, the whole idea of advertising and marketing is to mold people's ideas, to get them to want your product, to believe your idea, to either buy or partake of your product. It's not so bad when it's just the art of persuasion, a mostly honest, above board sales pitch. But we all have been sold to by slimy salesmen, haven't we? Used car dealers have that reputation for a reason.

But it goes way beyond dishonest salesmen. There are commercials on the radio that use tricks like testimonials from people who sound like they're calling on the phone. . .even though they are actors reading from a script. They might employ ringing phones to sound like "operators are standing by." They might use misleading language, or emphasis on certain words to make it sound like they're saying something that they're not. There are a zillion different ways in which advertisers are trying to trick us. And if they have to trick you, how good could the product be?

As sad as it is, we actually expect sales people and advertisers to try to trick us. But it gets more insidious when the tricks are coming from places you don't expect. For instance, suppose you read a really interesting article in The Wall Street Journal or The New York Times, and you start reading the comments.  Even though the article is over something seemingly indefensible, you start reading comments from people who are bending over backward to defend it. You're like, "where do these people come from?" Well, some of them are very likely paid. And the same thing happens on talk radio. Those "real" people calling in to agree with the host? Paid to do it. Employed to do it.
This all falls right in line with the "Americans for Truth and Motherhood" types of groups, with their iStockPhoto fake people on their websites, and their known or unknown corporate sponsors. Supposedly "grass roots" organizations like the Tea Party, which may have "real" elements, but are driven by these corporate sponsored organizations. Is anything real anymore?

Mulder was right. Trust no one.

[Excerpt]

Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck Respond To News That Parent Company Hires Call-in Actors



On Sunday, the article, Limbaugh/Hannity Parent Company Admits Hiring Actors to Call Radio Shows, by Gustav Wynn, generated an explosive response on Twitter, in the blogosphere and subsequently, from Limbaugh, Hannity and Beck on their radio shows. . .
 
Read more at: Huffington Post

Investigative Report: The Incredible Shrinking Groceries, Part 1 (Coffee)

I don't know if you've been paying attention, but our groceries are shrinking. You could be forgiven for missing it, though. Because the manufacturers are tricking us. Well, duh, they've been tricking us for years with advertising. But now what they're doing is selling us smaller and smaller amounts of product, but making it look like we're buying the same thing. This is just part one of (I hope) a multi-part series, should I be able to gather more evidence (and keep interest!). This is the only example that I'm aware of that I have in my house, and since this is the first thing I've noticed myself, I thought I'd start with it.

I've seen newspaper articles about--in particular--Tropicana orange juice. They make a slightly smaller than half-gallon of juice in a container that looks pretty much the same. So they can sell you 59 ounces or so for the price of 64 ounces (or shoot, the price might even have gone up!). A half gallon of ice cream became 1.75 quarts, and is now usually 1.5 quarts (but the packages got more creatively shaped). They do it with bars of soap, by molding them into a more hour-glassy shape. They do it with lotions and makeup with fancy, curvy bottles. But what do you do when the package is really common?

With coffee, the manufacturers long ago discovered we could be unobservant about what we're buying. The three pound can of coffee is long gone, having dropped in ounces drastically over the years. But the can size--roughly--is still with us.  I just had no idea how far down that 48 ounces has dropped. I decided to take out the last three cans of coffee I've bought: a half-caf one, the one that I just emptied, and the new one I bought this week. The Maxwell House half-caf one could--as a specialty blend--be forgiven for being a little less than usual. It was 34.5 ounces. That's quite a bit less than three pounds. But maybe it is the standard, since the can I just finished, a Kroger brand was just the same.

But, ho! Look here! The new "Great Value" (Walmart) can I bought just a couple of days ago turns out to not be a great value at all. 27.8 ounces. Twenty-seven point eight friggin' ounces! Can you believe that? It's dropped below two pounds (32 ounces), and it's still in a three-pound can! That takes chutzpah! I can tell you this: I've been letting it slide before, but I'm going to be watching my coffee purchases from now on. If there's an ounce-to-dollars comparison available, I'm definitely going to make it. I hate being ripped off, and I hate being swindled. That's what this is. By packaging these things like they're the same, but dropping the content, they're deliberately tricking all of us. And that sucks.

I'm going to try to continue this as a series. And I'm going to have to think up examples to check out. The one thing I've thought of that would be extremely difficult to change without people noticing is liquid beverages. Sodas, sure. We're used to their sizes, but they're so cheap to make, it isn't probably necessary to rip us off there. But what about alcohol?  There's no way you're going to change the size of a bottle of hooch, and not have us boozers crying foul! But guess what I noticed? My new bottle of Smirnoff has a different aerator in it, one that lets the vodka slosh out faster than it used to. I'm positive it isn't my (hic) imagination. . .

Back to Math, Right After This Message

It was bound to happen. As Stupid Monkey Planet (who sent me the link) says, "I would like to congratulate the graduates of Frito Lay High... And the football team for their sound defeat of Proctor & Gamble High in the finals. Now if you could each come up & get your Doritos snack pack & diploma."

To which I added, "And don't forget to visit our new Slim Jim-nasium!"

[Excerpt]

LA schools to consider allowing corporate sponsors



The cash-strapped Los Angeles Unified School District will consider raising funds by turning to corporate sponsors - but parents and students shouldn't expect to see logos on campuses from tobacco or alcohol companies. . .

Read more at: Fresno Bee

CNBC's Top 15 Fast Food Failures

Image from source, CNBC

I still think of the old Saturday Night Live ad parody for "McSushi."

[Excerpt]

15 Major Fast Food Failures



The fast food restaurant is a fixture of urban, suburban and rural America, appealing to people from every age group, income bracket and ethnic background. It’s as close as you can get in the United States to something everyone can agree on. . .
 
Read more and see the rest at: CNBC

MSNBC's New Slogan: "Lean Forward"

Lean Forward?  I dunno.  It denotes, "progressive." It contrasts automatically with FOX "News," and makes you think lean backward for them.  It also might bring to mind being on the edge of your seat, anxious to hear what's coming next.  And at least it isn't utterly bogus like "Fair & Balanced." I guess I'd have to see it. But then, I thought that McDonald's slogan "I'm Lovin' It" was stupid and annoying, but they've been using it for years anyway.  But let me go on record saying that Kentucky Fried Chicken's "So S-O G-double-O-D Good." is ridiculous.

[Excerpt]

With Tagline, MSNBC Embraces a Political Identity

MSNBC, once the also-ran but now the No. 2 cable news channel, has a new tagline that embraces its progressive political identity.

The tagline, “Lean Forward,” will be publicly announced Tuesday, opening a planned two-year advertising campaign intended to raise awareness of the channel among viewers, advertisers and distributors. . .

Read more at: New York Times

Atheist Billboard Campaign in Atlanta

There is absolutely nothing wrong with an atheist group taking out billboards anywhere.  Especially if the messages aren't particularly provocative or incendiary in their messaging. Of course, many religious people are of the opinion that anything said opposing religion is automatically provocative and incendiary.  For instance, one of the billboards quotes John Lennon's Imagine, by saying "imagine no religion."  A person in this video takes offense to that.  Didn't he watch WKRP in Cincinnati?  Dr. Johnny Fever plainly explained, "it doesn't say there is no religion, it says imagine."  Nothing wrong with that.



Found at: Joe.My.God.