Funny or Die: Rick Santorum Aborts Presidential Campaign

Rarely does comedy work quite as perfectly as this bit does. It's very nearly perfect, amusing and stars several very familiar faces. Faces like Ashley Judd, Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy), Katy Mixon (Mike & Molly), and Eliza Coupe (Happy Endings). Enjoy.

Rick Santorum Aborts Presidential Campaign from Ashley Judd

We Won't Have Rick Santorum to Kick Around Anymore!

Hasn't that little girl grown up yet?

That frothy mix was hard to get rid of. It seemed no matter how many times Mitt Romney scraped his shoe, Rick (don't Google me) Santorum just wouldn't stop clinging to him. But alas, Rick has quit, finally. He was entertaining, thought the brief period where it looked like he could actually win the GOP primary was terrifying. I mean, I was confident that President could mop that frothy mix right up, but the prospect of a loon like Santorum getting that close was almost too much to take.

And now, it is up to the Romneybot 2.0.

[Excerpt]


Rick Santorum lasted longer in the GOP race than anyone predicted

Rick Santorum ended his campaign at least three months later than any pundit could have predicted at any point last year. He also ended it with having accomplished more than anyone would have imagined and he did so at a time putting family first. In other words, Rick Santorum went out on top. . .

Read more at: CBS News

Mike in Raleigh: Rick Santorum's Frothy Swan Song!

Thanks to Mike in Raleigh (of The Stephanie Miller Show) for this beautiful remembrance of Rick (don't Google me) Santorum. Thanks for the frothy memories!

ChrisTwire Attempts to Salvage Santorum's Name with Easter Products

One of the many fabulous products
available from the geniuses at
ChristWire. (Click to embiggen)

Okay, kids, we won't have Rick (don't Google me) Santorum to kick around much longer. . .well, unless he's delusional, but, you know. So, we have to get our licks (ewww) in right now, while the frothy mixture is hot! ChrisTwire has come up with a genius way to salvage the name that the filthy Dan Savage has rendered unspeakable. And they may be on to something!


[Excerpt]


This Easter, Help Take Rick Santorum’s Good Name Back With This Delicious Santorum-Flavored Holiday Meal!

Senator Rick Santorum has devoted his life to promoting Christian love and charity in America. For his humble efforts, liberal media operatives have branded him with a libelously offensive label that defies decency, reason and any foundation of compassion. One man in particular, notorious pervert Dan Savage, has led the charge. Hacking into Google’s internet search engine technology, Savage was able to effectively defame the good Senator. . .

Read more at: ChrisTwire

So, Mitt Romney is Going to be the GOP Nominee

Mitt's the one! Whoopee? Image from CBS News

After a very long--and morbidly entertaining--primary season, Mitt Romney is going to be the GOP nominee for the 2012 presidential election. We've kind of known this for a little while, but after Tuesday's smattering of primaries, it's in the bag. It will be a little while longer before Rick (don't Google me) Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul finally bow out. But it's pretty much a done deal. So, here's your guy, conservatives! The guy who lost to the guy who lost to Barack Obama. Good luck with that.*


[Excerpt]


As delegates stack up, Romney has an eye on November

On the heels of decisive primary victories in Wisconsin, Maryland and Washington, D.C., Tuesday night, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney inched ever closer to closing out his GOP competitors in the race to the nomination. . .

Read more at: CBS News



*Actually, the "good luck with that" is disingenuous. And I don't for a minute think that the fall election is a walk for President Obama. But I also don't for a minute believe the "tea party" base is happy about this outcome. Not one bit. So my good luck message is really aimed at the different factions of the Republican Party squaring this with their worldview.

DNC Counterpunches Santorum's Goofy "Scary" Ad

Kind of unnecessary, since the ad played like self-parody, and because Rick (don't Google me) Santorum has a near zero chance of clinching the nomination. But fun anyway.

Re-Elect Obama, America Becomes The Walking Dead?

There are scary ads, like the LBJ "Daisy" ad, and then there's this. Rick Santorum takes the fear mongering so far, it becomes a Saturday Night Live Digital Short. I chuckled at the spinning merry-go-round. Some of the imagery cause WTF moments, and what's with the smiling old dude in the preview there? Does he LIKE "Obamaville"? Anyway, it's mostly hilarious.

Newt Gingrich is Staying In the Race

Image from Forbes.

Newt Gingrich just said, "Mitt Romney is not inevitable." The irony of course is, the fact that Gingrich is staying in the race is actually good for Romney, by continuing to split the "Not Romney" vote. Egotistical, sure, but that was to be expected.

Santorum Has Frothy Victory!

Frothy Mix & family. Image from MSNBC.

UPDATE 7:57 PM: Santorum wins Mississippi.

As I type this, Rick (don't Google me) Santorum has won the Alabama primary, and seems poised to win the Mississippi one too, or come damned close. Pretty amazing, considering that Mitt Romney has all the money, and that Santorum was an afterthought until sometime in February. He had the virtue of sharing the "Not Romney" title with Newt Gingrich, along with not being Gingrich. Why Newty is staying in (at this moment) is beyond me. Maybe by the time you read this he'll have dropped out.

Anyway, Santorum earned his Google nickname by being a nasty, hateful dude. And he has not wavered from that personality trait. I am not cocky enough to predict that if Santorum wins the GOP nomination, that President Obama wins by default. But I certainly think it would be Obama's to lose. There are other factors, I know, like gas prices and the general economy. But Santorum is utterly incapable of tacking to the center. He's a hard-right guy, even though some hard-right nutters think he's not hard-right enough. If I woke up the day after the election, and we had a President Romney, I wouldn't be happy. But if I woke up to a President Santorum? Well, that's a nightmare, and I won't be able to tell if I ever woke up!

[Excerpt]


Santorum wins Alabama; Mississippi too close to call

Rick Santorum was projected to win the Alabama Republican primary as he, Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich were locked in a three-way battle to win Mississippi's primary.

Mitt Romney was left looking to Mississippi to achieve a feat he hadn’t yet accomplished this cycle – win in one of the Republican Party’s conservative strongholds – as results from the twin primaries in GOP strongholds trickled in Tuesday evening. . .

Read more at: MSNBC

Kissing Dudes Image Made of Rick Santorum Photos!

This is perhaps the gayest image I've ever posted on the blog. And it's made of nothing more than some cleverly arranged photos of everyone's favorite creepy presidential candidate, Rick (don't Google me) Santorum! So, how could I ignore it?

Click to embiggen, and see all the little Rickys!

Source: Unicorn Booty

Mitt Romney Scores a Squeaker in Ohio

Possibly the largest selection of enthusiastic Romney supporters caught
on film. Image from source, NBC.

I'm thrilled that Mittens can mark down Ohio as a win. After The Other Half's home state of Iowa voted for Rick (don't Google me) Santorum, I just couldn't bear my home state doing the same. Embarrassing. But Santorum came close enough for some minor bragging rights, and he did score a few other states on Super Tuesday. So this thing isn't over. And as long as Newton LeRoy stays in, the longer this thing lasts. Get your popcorn.


[Excerpt]

Romney scores narrow Super Tuesday win in pivotal Ohio


Mitt Romney scored a narrow victory over Rick Santorum in the Ohio presidential primary following a hard-fought campaign that had been perceived as a turning point in the battle for the Republican presidential nomination. NBC projected he was the apparent winner in that state. . .

Read more at: NBC

Santorum Campaign Robocall Urges Michigan Democrats to Vote for Him

Boy, Frothy's starting to look smug! Image from source.

You could say that Rick (don't Google me) Santorum's campaign isn't actually playing dirty, since Michigan has an open primary. Democrats are permitted to vote. But how sneaky is it to imply that Santorum's views on auto bailouts are somehow different from Mitt Romney's?

[Excerpt]


Santorum Robocall Asks Michigan Dems To Vote For Him 

Rick Santorum’s campaign is locked in a tight battle with Mitt Romney ahead of Tuesday’s Michigan primary. On Monday his camp started openly courting a demographic that’s not often reached out to in GOP primaries: Democrats. . .

Read more at: TPM Muckraker

Rick Santorum: Country With Firm Church-State Separation, Vomit-worthy

Note: This picture of Rick Santorum is composed of stills
from gay porn. Don't click it unless you're into that sort
of thing! Image found at UnicornBooty.

I've seen a few of the dimmer right-wing bloggers say things like, "You can tell the left is scared of [Candidate X]! Look how much they're talking about him, all of the sudden!" But it isn't fear. It's the bizarre "candidate of the moment" nature of this season's GOP presidential contest. Rick (don't Google me) Santorum is only the most recent recipient of the "Not Romney" love. He's only been the guy for a few weeks.

So, it's only natural that Santorum's froth has risen to the top on left-leaning blogs like this one. He's got the spotlight on him, and when he does. . .well, he shows who he really is. Hence, I've got a number of Santorum posts. I know it's distasteful, but what can I do? Anyway, this particular post is necessary, not just because of its newsworthiness. It's important because there is a distinction that needs to be made loud and clear:


This country was founded upon the principal of the separation of church and state.

Yes, religious people can be active in politics. Yes, they can become elected officials. What they cannot do, is legislate their religious beliefs into law. They cannot make their constituents--who are comprised of people of many faiths, or no faith--adhere to laws that are based on any religion. This is the way it is supposed to work. It doesn't always. There are--for example--no good reasons for the rabid opposition to same sex marriage that are not religion-based. "Blue" laws are almost universally religion-based, and those date back centuries in some cases. Here in Las Vegas, we even have Mormon-based laws about when you can sell new cars, no joke. And of course, "In God We Trust" is on the money. Most non-God believers don't make much of a fuss over that one, but it is obvious that it shouldn't be there (and it makes as much sense to me as, "In Wookies We Trust.").

But religion isn't supposed to affect law. And Rick Santorum obviously would like it to be otherwise.

[Excerpt]


Santorum: Separation Of Church And State 'Makes Me Want To Throw Up' 

. . ."I don't believe in an America where the separation of church and state are absolute," he told 'This Week' host George Stephanopoulos. "The idea that the church can have no influence or no involvement in the operation of the state is absolutely antithetical to the objectives and vision of our country...to say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes me want to throw up.". . .

Read more at: Huffington Post

Rick Santorum Lied on Meet the Press

Politicians lie, yeah, I get it. It's true of--really--all of them. The ones we like, and the ones we don't. For instance, for political expediency, President Obama pretends to be "evolving" on the issue of same-sex marriage, even though most of us suspect he's either indifferent, or is actually for it.  That's the political expedience lie, and they literally all do it. We shrug our shoulders.

But, when they lie about obvious things; things we just flat-out know are brazen lies? It's pretty irritating, even though they may all do that too. It's even more irritating when hosts of news programs just let the lies fly. "We're going to have to leave it there," is such a cliche, but that's usually where Wolf Blitzer, John King, George Stephanopoulos and Chris Wallace leave it.
[Story continues below]

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

David Gregory may be most guilty of all. With his insipid "Trends and Takeaways" segment on NBC's Meet the Press, Gregory is all about the surface of things, and the horse race. He loves polls and percentages, and indulges in the occasional "gotcha" question. But he rarely asks followup questions of any weight. Until Sunday. Rick Santorum tried to put the news cycle onto his campaign's talking points, but Gregory wasn't having it. For what I hope is the first step in a trend, I commend Gregory for his tenacity. Oh, and Santorum (don't Google me!) is a weasel.

[Excerpt]

Rick Santorum Tells Two Whoppers

Rick Santorum tried yet again to pretend on Meet the Press today that he doesn't talk about social issues, and in response he got a swift dressing down from moderator David Gregory. But that didn't stop Santorum from telling an even bigger whopper, claiming no proof exists that he wants to impose his own values on other Americans. . .

Read more at: The Advocate

"Santorum" Creator Freaked Out by "Santorum Surge"

The right frames Rick Santorum's Google problem as an unprovoked, mean spirited attack on a socially conservative politician. This isn't true, which is plain if you click through to the explanation. Santorum said some nasty things about gay people (such as comparing us to "man-on-dog" sex), and was unrepentant about it. So, Dan Savage, sex columnist and political activist, held a contest to redefine what "Santorum" means. The winner was at the link above, but if you haven't clicked it yet, it's www.spreadingsantorum.com.

Anyway, this all sort of fell by the wayside when Santorum was soundly defeated in his Senate re-election attempt. Other than some forgettable appearances on FOX "News"--where he and competitor Newt Gingrich were both on the payroll--Santorum was only remembered by those of us who made sure that Santorum's  alternate meaning stayed at the top of the Google results.

"Yeah, I don't know how I got here either."

But against all odds, Santorum has become the GOP front-runner. Nobody, not even people who agree with everything he says (shudder) thought Santorum had a chance. Even fringe loonies were for Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann or Donald Trump. And hilariously, Santorum only landed this plumb spot by process of elimination. He's held the position of front-runner for what, two or three weeks? Meanwhile, Mitt Romney continues to damage himself, Ron Paul gets no traction, and Newt is crossing his fingers that Wednesday's debate does something to prop up his candidacy. And the establishment GOP is crapping itself. But my side is a little weirded out too!

[Excerpt]

Dan Savage ‘freaked out’ by Santorum surge


Gay activist and sex columnist Dan Savage told Mother Jones in a recent interview that he was “freaked out” by the rise of former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum.

National polls have found the staunch social conservative surging ahead of longtime frontrunner Mitt Romney. In early February, he came in first in the Missouri Republican primary and the Minnesota and Colorado caucuses. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

We've already seen Republican crowds whipped into a frothy lather at 2012 GOP presidential debates. But this time, it will be Frothy Mix himself in the spotlight. Little noticed in early (or hell, even later) debates, Rick (don't Google me) Santorum has improbably risen to the top of the mixture.

I don't think that Santorum should get too big a head over this though. He's not at the top because of anything more than the process of elimination. The front runner status has gone to Trump, Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Gingrich, Romney, Gingrich again, and finally Santorum. Until his fluke, eventual squeaker in Iowa, Santorum was barely on the map. Check out this chart, from Daily Kos:

The green line is Santorum. Yes, the GOP nominee could be the guy with this two-week hot streak.

[Excerpt]

At Arizona debate, Santorum to get his turn in spotlight

After months on the sidelines, Rick Santorum finally gets his chance at center stage in a debate of Republican candidates on Wednesday, and the increased scrutiny that comes with it. . .

Read more at: Baltimore Sun

Santorum: The Democratic Party Is About Sexual Freedom

Image from Think Progress

Oh, Frothy! Again with the stupid. Doesn't Rick (don't Google me) Santorum know that sex is popular?  Not just the homo kind, either! So, if the Democratic Party is all about "sexual freedom?" I'm glad I signed up! Now, what does that mean the Republican Party stands for?

[Excerpt]


Santorum: The Democratic Party Is About ‘Homosexuality’

“. . .Woodstock is the great American orgy. This is who the Democratic Party has become. They have become the party of Woodstock. The prey upon our most basic primal lusts, and that’s sex. And the whole abortion culture, it’s not about life. It’s about sexual freedom. That’s what it’s about. Homosexuality. It’s about sexual freedom. . .”

Read more at: Think Progress

Rick Santorum: Liberals are the Anti-Science Ones

Hahahaha! Oh, Frothy, tell me another one!

[Excerpt]

Santorum: Liberals ‘are the anti-science ones’

 Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum charged on Monday that President Barack Obama and Democrats were “anti-science” because they refused to exploit the Earth’s natural resources to the limits of technology. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

Rick Santorum Ad: Mitt Romney Shooting "Santorum" AT Santorum?

Is this genre savvy, or genre blindness? Self aware, or simply clueless? I don't know, but Rick (don't Google me) Santorum making an ad that features Mitt Romney shooting brown goo? What was he thinking?

Mike in Raleigh: Santorum Surge Warning!

Mike in Raleigh (famous from The Stephanie Miller Show) just keeps cranking out the funny!