L-E-S-B-I-A-N (A Rocky Mountain Mike Song Parody)

If you missed it, Jonathan Saenz, the President of "Texas Values," ironically lost his wife to a lesbian lover. Which is hilarious, I don't care who you are. And to prove it, here's the Rocky Mountain Mike song parody, to the tune of D-I-V-O-R-C-E by Tammy Wynette. Enjoy!

And to get more Rocky Mountain Mike, go here.
 

Woman Dies After Texting How Happy "Happy" Makes Her

Image from source, MyFox8

I've gotten into trouble in the past for not considering the very real feelings of people connected to news stories. The easy--and natural--response to a story like this one is to be flip and irreverent. I mean, it's loaded with elements to riff on.

But it's a sad story, and a person died a pointless, needless death. So, I'm going snark-free on this one, and will just used it to illustrate the folly and danger of texting (or tweeting or posting) while driving. Don't do it.

[Excerpt]

Woman posts about ‘Happy’ song on Facebook seconds before fatal Business 85 crash


 
Investigators believe a driver was posting to Facebook seconds before she crashed and died. The wreck happened Thursday morning on Business 85 in High Point. Investigators say 32-year-old Courtney Ann Sanford crossed the median and crashed head-on into a truck. . .

Read more at: MyFox8

Frank Luntz is Depressed

That fat f**k, Frank Luntz, from The Atlantic

I have to be honest, I haven't yet finished the article excerpted below. I'd heard a few references to it, so I decided to look into it. And I read the first couple of paragraphs, mouth agape. Could Frank Luntz--wordsmith, and master of trickery to make unpalatable politics seem okay to people--seems to be having a crisis of conscience.  Really? That's freaking amazing!

But as you get further into it, you find something else. He doesn't seem to have a problem with himself, but politics in general, and President Obama. What? So, I'm going to keep reading, but it's getting late as I type this, so it might be tomorrow. But I wanted to get it up on the blog in case you, dear reader, would like to read it now. And when you're finished, read The Rude Pundit's take on the same story (if you dare). It's good but. . .well. . .rude.

[Excerpt]

The Agony of Frank Luntz

Frank Luntz does not want the buffet. We are on the top floor of the Capitol Hill Club, the members-only Republican hangout a block from the Capitol, where a meaty smell is emanating from steam trays. Today's main course is ham, and Luntz shakes his head. There's also fish, the host offers—mahi mahi. No. "I'm 0 for 2," Luntz says mournfully. . .

Read more at: The Atlantic

Walmart Employees Donating Food to Needy. . .Walmart Employees?

Image from source, Wonkette

You know, I'm sure this is all somehow President Obama's fault. But the optics of Walmart employees running food drives for needy Walmart employees are really, really sad.

[Excerpt]

Walmart Associates Run Thanksgiving Donation Drive So Co-Workers Can Eat People Food
 
One of these days, a modern-day Charles Dickens is going to write A Christmas Carol for our times, and it will be based on this story of a Walmart in Ohio, where employees organized “a food drive – not for the community, but for needy workers.” Total Dickens, right? The noble poor (broken of body but not of spirit), the historical significance, the double-talking bureaucratic fig leaf for the Establishment, even. . .

Read more at Wonkette

Lawrence O'Donnell Rewrites Rudy Giuliani's Take on National Security

There are certain people who should have no credible say on politics or national security. They include almost anyone from the George W. Bush administration, and Rudolph Giuliani. And yet, they keep popping up like bad pennies. Here's Rudy, lisping Sylvester the cat impersonator, traipsing through the Boston Marathon bombing area, trying to pretend like he's some kind of anti-terrorism expert. He failed. Rather spectacularly. He was lauded at the time, despite his failings. Will history correct the record? With the help of Lawrence O'Donnell, maybe we'll get it right.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Rachel Maddow on the Not-So-Factual Politifact

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Sen. Ted Cruz, Born in Canada, Wants to Run for President?

When I found out this guy was 42, it made me feel a whole lot
better about how I've aged. Oh, snap. Image from Washington Post.

Oh, the hilarity. Oh, the irony!

After legions of far-right wingers have spent five years building a tangled conspiracy that says Barack Obama is not a natural born citizen!!!!11!1!! for various reasons up to and including that they think he was born in Kenya, and that his father was a British National. Most disregard or deny the overwhelming evidence that Obama was born in Hawaii, which is in the United States, and that his mother was a citizen. And those who will even admit to those two things will contend that his dad's nationality (or his mother leaving the country for a number of years) still disqualifies Obama from being eligible for the presidency.

There's much (much, much, much) more to their convoluted, self-contradictory web of a theory, but that's the gist. And the funniest thing ever in this long, stupid story? Arch-right conservative hero, freshman Senator Ted Cruz (TX-naturally) wants to run for president. He's a rabble-rouser. He's a so-called strict Constitutional constructionist, and he likes being a total ass to anyone who doesn't agree with his philosophy. In short, he's a tea bagger wet dream. But guess what? His dad wasn't a citizen when he was born. His mom was. But he was born in a foreign country! He has less bona fides than Obama does, since we know Obama was born in the US.

So, birthers, what to do? Cheer on the most conservative (douchey, but you kind of like that) dude you could ever put up, and forget about your birther quest? Or stick to your principles, and watch Jeb (not Dubya) Bush or Chris (traitor) Christie take the nomination? Should the question come before them, it will be hilarious to watch. But ultimately, it may not matter, because though he's conservative, by today's definition, he's a spectacularly bad candidate.

[Excerpt]

5 Reasons Ted Cruz Would Be A Democrat’s Dream 2016 GOP Nominee

He May Do Worse With Latinos Than Mitt Romney

The New York Times’ Nate Silver looked at immigration reform and found that it could be a bonanza for Republicans if they can pull it off without alienating their white base. They also need to pull it off without further alienating Latinos who voted for Mitt Romney in smaller numbers than they voted for John McCain, who they voted for in smaller numbers than George W. Bush. . .

Read more at: The National Memo

Obama "Redistribution" Video Clip Edited

Well, this is kind of hilarious. When the infamous "47%" Mitt Romney secret video was found to be missing two minutes between part 1 and part 2, the right seized upon it as a disqualification of the videos' contents. Which is a) stupid, and b) not gonna happen. If it were a 45-second clip edited out of context, maybe it would matter. But it was a surreptitiously recorded lengthy pair of videos. There may have been a few missing sentences, but the context is clear. Nothing Romney might have said in those minutes could substantially change what he said, and Romney himself didn't refute anything in the clips.

What Romney did was retort that there was an Obama video out there, where he talked about "redistribution." From 1998, fully 14 years ago. But guess what kids? It was selectively edited, and in this case to remove the context. Surprise!!!

[Excerpt]

The 'Redistribution' Clip Was Edited

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

NBC did a little homework and found the clip of Barack Obama talking about 'redistribution.' The clip was edited by republicans and omitted the parts about competition and marketplace. I'm sure it was an honest mistake, republicans wouldn't knowingly deceive the public. <----SNARK. . .

Read more at: DailyKos

Picture of the Day: Sarah Palin, Fictional

Source: Kenneth in the (212)

Randi Rhodes on Austerity and Irony

"The irony is that conservatives are spending millions and millions of dollars... in the name of austerity. No amount of spending is too much to put an end to wasteful spending!"


--Radio host, Randi Rhodes

FOX "News" Barely Covers Big Hate Crime Story

All day on the radio, and later on TV, I heard about the sad, infuriating story about a kid who bought some Skittles and tea at the 7-Eleven, and was killed on the way back by a confused vigilante. While the story could ultimately change to show the killer in a less hideous light, it doesn't look like the killing was justified, or that self defense was even an issue. But the incident is still being investigated, and we'll know more later.

A part of the story that has much less weight, is how the media is covering it. Most of the reporting I heard on it was fairly straight ahead news. And all of the commentary I heard was negative on the killer, which--again, unless something revelatory comes out--is understandable. But everybody was talking about it today, except. . .FOX "News." Well, once. They covered it once.* Here's a brief snapshot:

CNN: 41
MSNBC: 13
Fox: 1

"What difference does it make?" you might ask. And ordinarily, I might agree. But FOX "News" is constantly making a big deal out of the mainstream media doesn't report the stories conservatives think are important. Whether it's the video hoaxster James O'Keefe's latest trumped-up story, or if a couple of surly dudes think they're the "New Black Panther Party," if FOX is covering it, they're also whining that other media outlets aren't. And nine times out of ten, the mainstream media falls for it, and begins covering the coverage of the faux outrage. At least this story is newsworthy.

*FOX may have aired more segments on it since the excerpted article came out, maybe even because it came out.

[Excerpt]

Fox News Not Really Interested In Reporting On Shooting Deaths Of Unarmed Black Teenagers

 Fox News can generally be relied upon for a steady stream of artlessly jingoistic vomit, spewing forth from helmet-headed hairspray sacks who move their lips while reading important reports on hurricanes and other outrages against Heartland (= white, irrespective of actual location) America. What Fox usually fails at, though, is reporting on outrages against Urban (= black, etc.) America. (Kenneth Gladney excepted!) The latest such outrage to receive Fox News’ patented bitchy silent treatment is the unprovoked shooting death of Trayvon Martin, a black teenager who found himself in the wrong Florida neighborhood (you know, where his father lived), being hunted like prey — ALLEGEDLY but also PROBABLY — by a local paranoiac vigilante known for being “fixated on crime and focused on young, black males.” Hmm, that description… kind of sounds like every Fox scare-segment ever? . . .

Read more at: Wonkette

Rick Santorum: Liberals are the Anti-Science Ones

Hahahaha! Oh, Frothy, tell me another one!

[Excerpt]

Santorum: Liberals ‘are the anti-science ones’

 Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum charged on Monday that President Barack Obama and Democrats were “anti-science” because they refused to exploit the Earth’s natural resources to the limits of technology. . .

Read more at: Raw Story

Does Rick Perry Have "The Gay?"

Snappy dresser. Good looking. Kind of stupid. But gay? There've been rumors for a long time, but Rick Perry didn't trip my gaydar until he did the "Strong" ad, which was ironically both anti-gay, and featured Perry in a close copy of Heath Ledger's Brokeback Mountain coat!

[Excerpt]

All Your Rick Perry Gay Sex Rumors Collected in One Handy Book

Glen Maxey, the first openly gay member of the Texas State Legislature and longtime Democratic activist, spent most of last summer helping a reporter for a "national news outlet" nail down persistent rumors of Rick Perry's sexual relationships with men. The story got killed. So Maxey has published an e-book laying out the evidence. Among the charges: Rick Perry has a small dick. . .

Read more at: Gawker 

Michele Bachmann: Gay Men Can Marry Women

There's a line of argument that goes: "Gay people have the same rights as straight people. A gay man can marry a woman, a gay woman can marry a man. Everyone has the same rights." It's a dumb argument, and you can see that if you flip it around, and suggest a world where everyone can marry the same sex, but not the opposite. The straights would never go for it. Well, some of them might. Ahem.

Michele Bachmann, blissfully unaware? Or actually
clued into what her husband is. . .in to?Image from Raw Story

Which brings us to Michele Bachmann, who made the above (unoriginal) argument. Don't forget that Mrs. Bachmann and her husband, the fabulous "Dr." Marcus Bachmann run a little clinic in Minnesota. A clinic that has a decidedly evangelical Christian bent, and that occasionally--allegedly--tries to "pray away the gay." The irony is perfect. And it also explains Michele's argument completely. I mean, she oughtta know!

[Excerpt]

Bachmann: Gays ‘can marry a woman if they’re a man’

Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachman says it’s fine for a gay man to get married — as long as it’s to a woman.

During a town hall event in Iowa Wednesday, Jane Schmidt, president of Waverly High School Gay-Straign Alliance, asked the candidate why same sex couples couldn’t get married.

“They can get married,” Bachmann explained. “They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man. . .”

Read more at: The Raw Story

Tea Party Ted Says. . . .

This is one of many. Go to source below for more!


Found at: www.joemygod.com Source: BuzzFeed

Legislator Behind Guns in Bars: Arrested for DUI

Irony alert! He didn't just get caught driving drunk, he was caught drunk with a gun! I'd say it was a case of unintended consequences, but. . .mercy. What was the point of allowing guns in bars in the first place? Other countries must think we're insane.

[Excerpt]

Rep. Curry Todd Arrested for DUI

Rep. Curry Todd Arrested for DUI: MyFoxMEMPHIS.com

Local state representative Curry Todd has been arrested in Nashville. He is charged with DUI and possession of a handgun while under the influence.

Police picked him up around 11:15 Tuesday night. . .

Read more at: MyFoxMemphis

In a peculiar bit of synchronicity,  I was thinking about finding this story at the same time I found Stupid Monkey Planet's email. So, thanks again, Monkey!

Irony Alert: Michele Bachmann Photographed with Dead Meat

Image from source, Yahoo! News

And I understand her husband has a thing for meat as well. Allegedly.


[Excerpt]

Michele Bachmann poses with dead meat in Iowa

In her quest for votes in Iowa, Michele Bachmann visited a Des Moines meat-packing plant today, where she was photographed touring a locker of hanging beef carcasses. . .

Read more at: Yahoo! News

Thanks to Faye for the link.

IRONY ALERT: Ron Paul's Campaign Manager Died, Uninsured With Massive Medical Bill Debt

"Toughest Sheriff" Arpaio Can't Police Own Department?

Image from source, Think Progress

Well, well, well. So, Sheriff Joe, big tough guy, FOX "News" favorite? Apparently he can't even police his own men effectively. And if the FOX fans are true to form, there will be no impact on his popularity there. They forgive any ridiculous thing that Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck do, so they'll offer their sympathy, backed with their support, undoubtedly. What, me cynical?

[Excerpt]

Three Arpaio Employees Arrested For Drug And Human Trafficking

Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio has made a name for himself as “America’s toughest Sheriff.” For the past several years, Arpaio has waged a crusade against Maricopa County’s undocumented population through immigration sweeps and dehumanizing tactics. . .

Read more at: Think Progress

Thanks to Stupid Monkey Planet for the link.

MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell Called Tina Fey a Slut!

Okay, okay. Technically, Andrea Mitchell called Liz Lemon a slut on 30 Rock on Thursday night's rerun. But, if the word is so offensive, how was that allowed? She's an employee of MSNBC, right? As is Ed Schultz, who was suspended for a week for calling Laura Ingraham a slut. Does Liz Lemon being a fictional character make it okay?  Because, I assure you "Laura Ingraham" on the radio is a fictional creation too. No way anybody's like that in real life. I hope.

[Excerpt]


WATCH: Andrea Mitchell Calls Liz Lemon “Slut” During 30 Rock Cameo

. . . But the funniest bit came when he threw to NBC News’ Andrea Mitchell, who walked on camera just in time to call Lemon “slut. . .”
 


Read more at: Mediaite