Well Done: Tired of Embarrassment Over Steak Order

Photo from the Las Vegas Review-Journal

"How do you want your steak, over-done, under-done or done-done?" -- Whoopi Goldberg as Fontaine

Give me some done-done steak! It can even lean toward over-done, and I'll be happy. I'm OK with a little bit of pink, I guess, but I don't like it dripping in blood at all. So why do I feel embarrassed to order my food the way I want it?

Tomorrow night, a friend is taking us to a fancy restaurant at The Silverton Lodge & Casino. The restaurant, Twin Creeks, has been redressed and rethemed recently. It's gone very upscale, and of course, a la carte. That means that your $38 steak only comes with a potato or a salad if you pony up the extra dough. It's a very nice--in fact impressive restaurant.

Last time I was there, my friends just loved the place, and loved the food too. But I was of course faced with the usual dilemma: how do I order my steak without being embarrassed? Invariably, I'll order it medium, with a wink to the "half past medium" to give them the idea that I'd prefer it a little more cooked than the chef wants to cook it.

I've learned over the years that if you order an expensive steak past medium--hell past medium-rare--is often looked upon with derision. You're made to feel like a kid who cuts the crusts off his bread. It's uncouth, unrefined, and immature (apparently) to like cooked beef. This same phenomenon does not occur with chicken or pork, so what's the friggin' deal with beef?

I've made it a mission to try things I don't like over and over again, to reduce the list of foods and beverages that I don't like. I've succeeded too, with the list whittled down to basically liver, mushrooms and some seafood (the kind that look like bugs, mostly). And I've tried the undercooked beef, repeatedly. While I can eat it, I just don't prefer it that way.

Despite this, waiters, cooks and even other diners want to lay claim to my taste buds. Over-cooking steak kills the flavor, they'll say. It makes it too tough. Too dry. Anything past medium means you don't really like steak.

I call bull shit! I like, no, I prefer the taste of well-done steak. I don't care if it's dry or tough (I've never understood either complaint). And liking steak? I love steak! I love beef, period. Steaks, meatloaf, hamburgers, beef tacos and burritos, beef jerky, corned beef, beef teriyaki, sloppy joes. . .I could eat beef every day.

So what is this about? Why is steak the one food that other people will judge you for ordering "wrong?" Why am I looked down upon for how I want my T-bone or my filet mignon? Most of all, why am I too embarrassed to order steak the way I want it, or send it back if it's dripping blood? It makes no kind of sense. And it pisses me off.

Ah, well, maybe I'll just get the chicken. Well done.