Monday, September 8, 2014

Blast from the Past: Story Songs of the 70s & 80s!

Almost any song with lyrics tells a story. But some songs don't just give you the Cliff's Notes, they give you the outline of a truly mind-bending story. And no decade has more story mind-fu**ing songs than the 1970s. Witness. . .

1. Dark Lady by Cher (1974) - The story is about a woman who goes to a soothsayer, and finds out more than she ever wanted to know.  Plot hole: Why would Dark Lady be honest with her client?

2. The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Vicki Lawrence (1973) - Great song. Muddled message. Plot hole: The singer killed her brother's rival, and let her brother take the blame. Why on earth didn't she fess up?

3. Young Turks by Rod Stewart (1981) - These kids don't sound like they're destined for greatness, do they? But Do Ya Think They're Sexy?

 4. Angie Baby by Helen Reddy (1974) - Things take a turn for the surreal, when a girl who is a little "touched" turns out to be supernaturally powerful (and insane).

5. Undercover Angel by Alan O'Day (1976) - A hapless guy finds himself luckier than Midas with a sexy phantasm lady who screws his brains out. Or something.

6. Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin (1974) - Seriously, this is the biggest bummer of the list. But lyrically awesome.

7. Copacabana by Barry Manilow (1978) - In contrast to the last one, this is fluff. But when you consider the strife the songwriter/singer has gone through (real, or imagined) this might be the most mentally taxing of all.

8. Hotel California by the Eagles (1977) - The most cryptic of this list, I'm convinced this has more to do with drugs than anything else. One of my first 45s.

9. I've Never Been to Me by Carlene (1977) - The biggest, moldiest, hairiest, stinkiest slice of cheese on this list. And I love every f**king second.

10. Escape (The PiƱa Colada Song)  (1977) - Meta on several levels and genius all around. Stinky, but delicious cheese.

And that will do it, compatriots. I'm going to work. You should too, or stay home. Take a sick week! Whatever you do, Happy Monday!!!

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