Maw Wrote Me Up a Letter!

I asked my slightly blog-averse mother for a submission, so you all could see what kind of stock I come from. Mom and I come from opposite poles at the polls, but otherwise we get along just fine. So, it is with good humor that I received the following missive, unaltered for your reading pleasure.

Howdee son,

Hope yur bein a good boy out thar in Sin City. (Yeah I heered about that.) Yur Ma & Pa miss you a heap.

Me an your pa went to a auction today, got me some more jars soes I can can some more pickles. I'm gonna send ya a pint. Paid a whole 50 cents for a boxful, gosh how prices have done gone up. There were a couple of dead mice in em but theys will warsh up just fine.

Yur paw got hisself a new sickle, soes he don't have to stake the goats out everwhere, he can cut the hedge rows by hisself now. He bid on one of them fine poosh mowers too but it went fer two dollars, geezooie ain't inflation ever gonna stop!

Thar was a mighty fine wringer warsher but it went too high, soes I guess I's will have to keep usin the warsh board.

Aunt Camille called today, she wanted to know if I had a facts machine. Couldn't quite figger what a facts machine was. Sounds like somethin that could come in real handythough, must be like some kinda cyclopeda. She got kinda annoyed at me, that I hain't heard of one, but you know she is such a fancy pants city gal, she knows about things ussens don't.

Got some kinda sad news fer ya, Judy's ma upen died up thar in Wisconcin, Jeannette wared her some flowers fer the funeral, can't figger how the flowers got through the war but Judy called and said theys real perty.

Yer brother, Jasbo, was havin car trouble today, yer Pa told him the car sounded kinda funny but you know Jasbo, he didn't pay Pa no mind and the cussed thing pooped out on him. He don't want Pa to know he was right, so he's a tryin to fix it afore Pa finds out.

We's a hopin ya'll can come home fer a visit in October, iffin you can I will plan on cookin up some fine vittles fer ya, let me know head of time soens I can shoot one of them fine Tom turkeys that keep showin up outside my front winder. (Theys 5 of em this mornin.) Theys biggins and would feed a whole passel of us. Be sure and bring Andy along soes he can partake of ole Tom too.

Well, I's best git goin, will write more when I can afford another stamp, til then, you be a good boy and watch out for those gangsters and fast wimmon in Loss Vegass. (I done read about that place!! whowee, such goins on.)

Ya write back now ya hear?

Yer lovin famly
Mamma & Pa