I have an collection of pop-culture quotes (from movies, TV, wherever) that run through my brain, and I'm likely to use them in response to a highly varied assortment of scenarios.
If you have a mini-meltdown about something, I might respond with Rizzo from Grease's "some people are so touchy." If you complain about having mice or roaches, I might respond as Newt from Aliens: "They mostly come out at night. Mostly." And I'll use "I'll change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!" (Doralee from 9 to 5) or "When you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea. Have a point, it makes is so much more interesting for the listener." (Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles) or "Maybe I'll make a bundt cake. I love a good bundt cake!" (character from The Stepford Children)* for almost anything, whether it makes sense in context or not.
If you're lucky, you can find your favorite quotes online to use on your blog or FaceBook page, for just those occasions when they're a perfect fit. The benefit of this is that unlike in real life, you don't lose the moment if you don't think of a snappy comeback right away. Since the words you might be responding to are just hanging there, it is always like they were just spoken. One of my favorite ways to do that is to put in a video response on my blog to a story item of the day. But it is rare to find only the quote. I wish I had more knowledge of how to edit video to get just the part I need. Still, occasionally I'll find just the thing. Here are a few of my favorites.
#1 - Fonzie Jumps the Shark - From Happy Days, this clip is the ultimate response to anybody who has crossed the line into ridiculousness, and has lost all credibility.
#2 - Damn, Damn, Damn! - From Good Times. Florida Evans (Esther Rolle) has just lost her husband, James. Can be used to express any extreme disappointment.
#3 - Bad news tuba - From The Price is Right, this is the perfect sound effect for, "you lose!"
#4 - You keep using that word. . . - from The Princess Bride, the perfect antidote to the politician or celebrity who has said something stupid.
#5 - Stupid Answer - Here's a prime example of a scene I'd like to trim down to its final moments, when the game show host in Billy Madison chastises the title character for his stupid answer to a question. Fantastic.
*Hat-tip to my friend Keith, the Dallas Dandy, for the inspirational quote that inspired this post.