Sunday Candidate Roundup, Part I

I've just finished watching two of the Sunday morning political yack-fests (NBC's Meet the Press and FOX "News" Sunday). The added attraction this morning is the fact that the Iowa caucuses are this Thursday, amping up the urgency of the different candidates for President.

This morning I watched Mike Huckabee, Barack Obama and Fred Thompson giving their last Sunday sales pitches. What I'm really starting to notice is the various levels of answer side-stepping (or ASS).

In a few minutes I'll get to see who George Snuffleupagus has to offer. In the meantime, here is my take on some of the candidates (I'm sure you couldn't wait to hear).

Mike Huckabee - Despite his charms and his folksy manner, Huckster has a creepy edge to him. His wide-eyed, droopy-faced countenance remind me of the "woodland critters" on South Park. At first, they started out sweet, and Jesus-worshippy. Then they turned out to be SATAN worshipers! Not adept at ASS, but attempts it with vigor. If you're not paying close attention, he seems to pull it off, but if your BS detector is on, his ASS stinks. Heh.

Fred Thompson - Tired ol' Fred seemed a little amped-up this morning on F"N"S, bobbing and dancing like Katherine Hepburn. Maybe his campaign gave him some B-12 and Redbull or something. It didn't help his patter though, which was snooze-inducing. Fred's biggest challenge right now is convincing us that he even wants to be President. (He may be an ass, but he's terrible at ASS.)

John McCain - It is my prediction that John McCain pulls off either an upset, or a strong also-ran candidacy, largely because he's the likeliest "fall-back" guy for conservatives to overwhelmed by the other guys' baggage. His blinking will drive you absolutely crazy if you clue in to it. He blinks incessantly when he speaks, and returns to normal when quiet. Also seems almost as tired as Fred Thompson does (excepting Fred's performance this morning).

Mitt Romney - Most accurately described elsewhere (I've lost the source) as our first Clip-Art candidate. He looks and talks like he came out of a Roy Lichtenstein print. He also has a huge case of the ASS, and would only convince people who think the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.

More later.