Friday, November 16, 2012

Captain Obvious: There is No Gay Agenda Beyond Equality

I struggled with the title on this one. I knew I wanted it to be Captain Obvious, because this should be obvious. It is inspired by a video I found on Joe.My.God, one of my favorite internet outposts. The video is by Matt Barber, an oddly fixated anti-gay activist. I do not know what drives this man, whether it be a deep-seated sexual identity problem, or maybe he's always mistaken for gay? I don't know, but he thinks about teh gay more than I do, and I'm gay. [Story continues below]

Anyway, this Barber dude's basic premise is that gay people don't merely want marriage equality, and civil rights parity. We want to destroy what marriage means. We want to rend the fabric of society, topple cultural pillars, kick down the picket fences, and dry-hump the Washington Monument. . .or something. But he's wrong. Really, really wrong. The fact that he's (allegedly) straight, and so fixated on gay people ought to be a clue that he might be a little around the bend. But his reasoning is so shaky, so hard to lay out logically that. . .well. . .that Captain Obvious needs to pay him a visit.

Now, if my goal--if all individual gay, married couples (or those aspiring to marriage)--was to tear marriage asunder, tell me something. How did we arrive at this goal? Were there meetings? Is there a leader? Do we pay membership dues, have a secret handshake? 'Cause, I wasn't invited, and yet I'm legally married to my husband, and have been for 4½ years now. So far, we haven't left a trail of destroyed heterosexual marriages in our wake. In fact, if there has been one negative result from the whole affair, it might be that there isn't as much >ahem< action as there used to be. That sounds like marriage to me!

So, Mr. Barber. Get this through your thick, Jesus-drenched, boxing-addled skull: gay people haven't set out to destroy the meaning or institution of marriage. We have no interest in ripping out the foundations of civilization, or any other vague, meaningless symbolic structures. We want equality under the law, and nothing more. Your conspiracy theory is making you look like an idiot. And your obsession is making you look kinda. . .well. . .gay.


  1. I've had my right wing cabal friends follow you Jamie and we have caught you attending meetings, using the disguise of going to Church on Sunday mornings.
    but instead of going to Church, you end up going to the Starbucks at the shopping center on Horizon Ridge, where the gay cabal hangs out.
    My sources then tell me your end goal is to take over the world and impose your will on us straight people.
    Curse, you Jamie and your cabal.

  2. Hahaha! Thanks, Dan. You funny guy! :)


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