GOP in Exile! The New Republican Sitcom

There is a site called "Radio Equalizer" that serves those interested in talk radio. It is sometimes known by critics as Radio Tranquilizer, and isn't given much credence by those not "in the tank" for the conservative side of the political spectrum. But I went there to see if there was any--undoubtedly biased--news on the Randi Rhodes situation.

What I found was an odd post about the "sitcom" that Rush Limbaugh feels he is in, populated by curious liberal characters. Well, two can play at that game. I might characterize the last eight years as a horror movie, but if I was going to cast a conservative political sitcom, I couldn't do better than this. Let's meet the cast of "GOP in Exile."

Caribou Barbie - Sarah Palin, the great Republican 2012 hope, was hopelessly flummoxed by the likes of Katie Couric. She can't speak extemporaneously--much like George W. Bush--but has mastered the "pageant answer." She peppers responses to questions with phrases like "all these years," and "in this great country of ours." But her answers are always meandering, which was demonstrated to comedic effect by Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live. Word-for-word quotations as comedy. Also.

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal - The governor of Louisiana has been touted as the "next Ronald Reagan." But his big national debut, rebutting President Barack Obama's address to Congress was almost universally ridiculed. Even if he was having a bad hair day, Jindal is of Indian descent, formerly Hindu, and once performed an exorcism. Not exactly a stock Republican "type." Plus, he picked his nickname by watching The Brady Bunch. No joke.

Comedian Rush Limbaugh - Got out of Viet Nam service on a questionable medical deferment. Once addicted to prescription drugs that were illegally obtained. Almost completely deaf as a probable side-effect of his addiction. Took a very questionable "pleasure trip" to the Dominican Republic with a stash of illegally obtained Viagra. Big, fat idiot. And an ego to match the size of his ass.

Mitt "Mittens" Romney - A Mormon. Right there enough to disqualify him from the large evangelical Republican "base." But he's also a major-league flip-flopper, with evangelist/anchor man hair, and a tendency to try to sound "hip."

John "Boner" Boehner - Histrionic, seemingly drunk much of the time. Cries. And has the weirdest facial twitch this side of George W. Bush's "coke jaw."

Sean "The Manatee" Hannity - Dumber than a box of rocks, with a savant-like ability to remember Republican talking points. Allegedly puppet-mastered by the audibly abusive, headache-inducing Mark Levin.

John "Hunhhh?" McCain - More like the confused Grandpa Abraham Simpson now than ever. Is he wearing an onion on his belt?

Michael "You Be Da Man" Steele - The unhippest black guy in the universe. Completely tone-deaf to political reality, and wayyy too willing to kiss Limbaugh's patootie.

Michelle "Excuse Me, Stewardess, I speak Jive" Bachmann - Batshit crazy. The 2009 version of 2004 Katherine Harris. But great for comedy.

Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove - Corpulent Republican toadie. The renowned "architect" of the disastrous past eight years. Prone to unknowingly ironic pronouncements. Somehow able to obtain special treatment from Congress.

Ann "The Man" Coulter - Adam's appled Annie is a caustic, sexually ambiguous character. She has a knee-jerk response to any situation: "It's the Democrat's Fault!" She's one note, but is hauled out by FOX "News" as an "expert" on almost any subject.

Joe the (not) Plumber - Samuel Wurzelbacher, the unlicensed plumber from Ohio, opines on un-American ideas like the silencing of the press. He's also apparently some sort of financial expert, though he fudged his taxes.

Now that's a sitcom!