WTF is Wrong With Iowa Republicans?

In my last post about the birthers, I gave you a link to where all birther conspiracy theories are thoroughly debunked. While there myself, I found a post about the Iowa Republican Party's potential platform planks (Iowa is partial to birtherism, of all things). So, I'm taking Dr. Conspiracy's paraphrasings of the planks--which are more concise--and making my own comments.  I'll have a link at the end to the actual list, so you can check if you think the paraphrasings are wrong. As you read, note the inherent meanness toward anything but the hardline Christian/Conservative mindset.


I feel I have the right to criticize Iowa, since I'm (gay!) married to an Iowan. And it is legal there!  Keep in mind, this is a partial list! Reducing font size for length, so put your readers on. Mmmkay?

Here we go. . .

4b: No ternerders!

1. No school activities on Sundays or Wednesday nights [when Baptists hold Prayer Meeting].
   Ludicrous. Why do Baptists get special treatment? All religions or none.
2. No mandatory school attendance.
   Sorry, this one is bananas. Even if it's the dreaded home schoolers, kids have to go to school.
3. No voting by non-tax-paying out-of-state college students.
   Why? This is suspiciously like "must be a property owner to vote." It's just wrong.
4. Mandatory ultrasound prior to abortion, which should be outlawed anyway.
   Again, why? It is medically unnecessary, and intended to inflict shame. Since when is "shame" the intent of a law?
5. No stem sell research.
   Why?
6. Abolition of the Department of Agriculture.
   Sure. Because agriculture should be utterly free of regulation. Again, why?
7. Abolish all farm subsidies.
   In Iowa? I can't imagine this is a universal opinion there.
8. Oppose UN Agenda 21 (a popular conspiracy theory related to the New World Order) on sustainable development. It is described as “diabolical.”
   Boogity boogity!
9. No regulation of dust by the EPA.
   As a resident of the Mojave Desert, I find this one particularly ridiculous. If you can control the dust, you should control the dust. Be reasonable about it, not black or white.
   
10. Ban foreign corporations from owing Iowa farm land.
    Why don't we ban foreign corporations from donating to candidates? Hmm? Would be a little more important.
11. No money for bike trails until the federal deficit is eliminated.
    Errr. . .hunh?
12. No government money to ACORN, AARP, ACLU and Planned Parenthood and anyone else who lobbies against the platform.
    ACORN is gone. The rest. . .have to agree with you? Compromise really is dead.
13. No federal money for public broadcasting
    Death to Big Bird! Spoilsports.
14. Support a landlord’s right to refuse to lease on “moral grounds.”
    Yes, because we should be free to be bigots! And if we find black people or Hispanic people or Jewish people to be "immoral," who are you to tell us no?
15. No “hate crime” laws.
    Again, they want to be free to hate.
16. No Sharia, or other foreign laws.
    Yep. Nothing from that there Jerusalem area. . .Nazareth either.
17. No smoking bans.
    Cough! Cough! Idiots.
18. No First Amendment protection for pornography.
    Well, now you've gone too far. Even right wingers like porn. Idiots.
19. Eliminate the Federal Department of Education.
    Duuuuhhhhhh. . .
20. No regulation of private schools or home schooling by the Iowa Department of Education.
    Damn straight! People ought to be able to teach any ol' thing they want to their chillen! Idiots.
21. No teaching of “multiculturalism” in public school.
    Oh, that would be dreadful.
22. Education “purely returned to a free market system.”
    Yeah, I have no idea what that means.
23. No reporting requirements for home schooling families.
    Sure! Let 'em just say whatever and boom! You graduate! WTF? Idiots.
24. Balanced presentation of evolution and creationism in public schools. “Darwinian evolution is only a theory and not a scientific fact.”
    Creationism is not science. Any party--anybody who thinks this is a good idea is crushingly stupid.
25. Tax-funded libraries must include “intelligent design” and creationism books.
    Ditto #24.
26. Parents may opt-out their children from health screenings and surveys.
    I. . .um. . WTF?
27. No school clubs based on sexual orientation.
    Okay! No straight clubs, whatsoever!
28. Repeal “No Child Left Behind.”
    Hmmm. . .a Bush Era policy? Weird.
29. Oppose anti-bullying laws. Students should stand up for themselves.
    Fuck 'em!
30. Repeal the 17th Amendment (direct election of US Senators)
    Yes, because voting is bad. Have I said they're idiots?
31. Abolition of the US Department of Energy
    Abolition of the US Government! Why not?
32. No regulation of greenhouse gasses or carbon dioxide.
    I'll stop the world, and melt with you!
33. Claims of human-based globing warming are “fraudulent.”
    Based on what, geniuses? Your track record as evidenced by this list, is thin.
34. More deer hunting licenses.
    Fuck yeah!
35. Parents have a right to know what their children read at the library.
    Oh, and on the internets! Them Googles and Tumblrs are all writed by fagitz!
36. The US should drop out of the United Nations.
    Yes. We should be quitters like Sarah Palin.
37. End foreign aid.
    All of it! And put a fence around the whole country!
38. Oppose any revision of the original intent of the US Constitution (except for a few Constitutional amendments called for in the platform)
    Back to 3/5 of a person for some people then. Idiots.
39. “We support Congressional action, including an Amendment to the United States Constitution if needed, to repeal the 1943 (sic) Wicker (sic) vs. Filburn ruling by a divided US Supreme Court cowed by Democrat FDR’s “court-packing attack” which set in motion ever-increasing misuse of the Commerce Clause in Article 1, Section 8.”
    Yeah, that's going to be a tough sell. Imagine trying to explain that to America, and getting them to pass it.
40. Public display of the Ten Commandments.
    Wrong. 100% wrong. Especially if you're bitching about "Sharia Law."
41. Return money to the gold and/or silver standard.
    Impossible for lots of reasons, but as I said. . .idiots.
42. Impeach judges who rule in favor of same-sex marriage.
    Awfully specific, wouldn't you say?
43. Eliminate the Department of Homeland security
    America! Fuck no!
44. Eliminate the Department of Housing and Urban Development
    America! Fuck no!
45. Eliminate the Department of Labor
    America! Fuck no!
46. Eliminate the Department of Commerce.
    America! Fuck no!
47. Eliminate the Department of the Interior
    America! Fuck no!
48. Eliminate the TSA, FDA, ATF, EPA, the National Endowment for the Arts, Fannie Mad and Freddie Mac.
    America! Fuck no!
49. The US Census should only count citizens.
    Yes. It should have no statistical relevance whatsoever. Just count us, dammit!
50. Juries instructed that they may consider questions of law as well as fact.
    This one sounds fine, but I'm quite sure I don't trust these people after 50 of these. They're up to something on this one.
51. No federal regulation of guns manufactured in Iowa for use in the state.
    None! Get yourself a nuclear warhead if you want it! And you can be crazy, or a felon. . .but not a fag.
52. People with concealed carry permits may take their guns to school.
    Capital idea. Nothing bad could come from this idea.
53. Repeal the “allopathic medicine” monopoly.
    So, what? They want witch doctors? Apothecaries?
54. “Philosophic exemption” for childhood vaccination requirements.
    Oh, why? Can't you leave your kids out of your crazy hallucinations?
55. End the “Patriot Act.”
    First thing I've agreed with entirely. But again, suspicious.
56. Oppose any military draft.
    This one I seriously don't get. Don't they freakin' "support the troops" and love war?
57. Drug testing for all persons on public assistance.
    Just to be mean. No other reason.
58. Opt-out of the Social Security system until it is privatized.
    Fucking nuts.
59. Anchor babies are not citizens.
    And babies are not anchors. Sickos.
60. The Supreme Court not have jurisdiction over cases related to marriage.
    Why the hell not? Does Loving vs. Virginia bother you that much? On what Constitutional grounds could this possibly be based on?
61. No “no-fault divorce.”
    Oh wow, good luck with that, goobers. On this one you are at least putting your money where your teeth should be.
62. No minimum wage.
    Yay, slave labor!
63. No public employee unions.
    Yay, slave labor!
64. Repeal of various financial reforms: Davis-Bacon, Sarbanes-Oxley, Dodd-Frank.
    Yep. Because lax regulations worked so well in 2008.
65. Abolish the IRS and repeal the 16th Amendment (Income Tax Amendment).
    Who needs fire departments, police departments, roads, the military. . .
66. Abolish the Alternative Minimum Tax
    Why?
67. Eliminate estate, gift and inheritance taxes, and let heirs avoid capital gains when they sell appreciated inherited property.
    Yes, no tax! Every man for himself!
68. No unmanned cameras allowed to enforce traffic regulations.
    Wow, the last one is kinda random. I'm out of outrage, so whatever.

I'm frankly surprised that there wasn't more antigay stuff here, though it is plain. In any event, I wouldn't want to live in any state or country where even a majority of these things were made law. What a horrible, theocratic, stick-up-the-ass, Footloose town-that-can't-dance world it would be. Don't fall for it, Iowa!

Here are the links to the paraphrased list above, and the real one.

Obama Conspiracy Theories

Republican Party of Iowa Platform Committee Report