GOP Jedi Monkey Mind Trick...

A Dark Rovian Lord uses his Turd Blossom Jedi mind powers to contact Kerry: "John... I am your father. Look deep inside. You know it is true. You are a powerful Jedi... but you underestimate the power of the GOP Dark Side. You must join forces with us..." (add-in mechanical heavy breathing & James Earl Jones voice yourself.)
Kerry thinks to himself... The Dark Rovian Lord, my father? How could it be? Yale? Skull & Bones? Emperor Cheney? The rebellion? The Vietnamese base on Endor? What of Yoda? Bill... Bill... why didn't you tell me???
GOP Jedi Mind Trick