Sunday, December 4, 2011

Blast from the Past: The Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

Every year when Christmastime rolls around, I'm less ready for it. Everyone says that the season starts earlier every year. No, it's just the years going faster as we age.
I am myself a heretic, but I do enjoy Christmas. But I get more and more annoyed by certain Christmas carols, and not just the super-churchy ones. The Twelve Days of Christmas--by anyone--is particularly odious. So, I tend to prefer more contemporary seasonal tunes, and by that I mean from the eighties forward. Not that there aren't some fun songs from the Rat Pack era.
But not every artist should try to make an enduring Christmas classic. And here are several examples. . .

1. Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney - John Lennon has his unparalleled Happy Christmas/War is Over, and so I guess Paul needed one too. It is, however, NOT a classic.
2. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas by Gayla Peevey. Cute the first time, grating after that. Some people like it though (hi, Dona!).

3. Blue Christmas by Porky Pig - I'm going to cop to absolutely loving this one. But I know that many people really hate it.
4. Hey, Santa by Wilson Sisters - I don't know why. But I hate it.

5. Little Drummer Boy by David Bowie & Bing Crosby - Ugh. Dreadful.
6. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town - Bruce Springsteen - I liked this one. The first ten years it played. I've progressively hated it more and more every year since.

7. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer by Elmo & Patsy - This song was very cute when it was released. I was big into Dr. Demento, and this one just delighted me. It has become an annoyance like no other. Except for. . .
8. The Christmas Shoes by NewSong - This is the most cloying, treacly, nauseating song every written, let alone for Christmas. There is no excuse for its existence, nor for anyone to like it. It is the definition of abysmal. It was so bad, I wrote a post about it: Anatomy of The Christmas Shoes

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